THANK YOU, SIRI, OR ECHO, OR, HUH?

THANK YOU, SIRI OR ECHO OR - - HUH?

Wait! Who, no what are you?

My mom made sure I never forgot my manners. “Always say please when you ask for something.” “Never forget to say thank you when someone helps you, even if it’s only to answer your questions.”

Yeah, I know. There are millions of people who fit in my category. Our parents would be proud but maybe also a bit bemused. I doubt that they’d ever understand the insanity of good manners. Wait! I said “GOOD” manners? Sometimes our manners are bit off the sanity scale.

If you’re like me, you might say thank you to your phone if you ask Siri a question.

If Siri gives you more information than what you’re looking for, you might call the voice a pain in the …. (neck).

If Siri “misunderstands” you and gives you incorrect information, you might call the voice, a few expletives in frustration. Been there, too!

However, AI is changing, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s not for the worst rather than than the better.

It’s quite common in our house for my husband to watch the news and then yell at the newscasters. Or, perhaps, he’ll yell at a politician. Yes, he even takes his frustration out on whatever movie he’s watching on Netflix.

But let’s jump quickly back to whatever live TV show he’s watching. He’ll begin his ranting and raving. I’ll gently put my hand on his arm and say, “Honey. Quiet down before the police come knocking our door down."

He gives me a strange look and says, “Uh, hon? It’s a TV. They can’t hear me.”

“YOU THINK THEY CAN’T HEAR YOU!” I almost scream in frustration. “It’s a smart TV and we’re hooked up to satellite TV. The government can spy on anyone, at any time, anywhere. Yes, they can hear you.”

After that little tirade, I look at the TV and say deliberately, “He didn’t mean it. He’s just a bit frustrated, that’s all. He’s fine.”

Again, he shakes his head thinking that his wife of more than thirty years has finally lost her mind.

I remind him about all the AI devices on the market: TVs, phones, computers, digital speakers (like the Amazon Echo, Alexa, Siri) – all labeled “smart” (smart-phone, etc.)

“And,” I remind him, “how about all those ads on the internet? All you have to do is research one thing, and then you’re inundated with every ad ever made on that topic, even items you might consider purchasing.”

“AND,” I say a bit louder, “things get worse!”

He puts the palm of his hand on his forehead and asks, “Ok, I’ll bite. How much worse can they get?”

“You went fishing with Mike on Thursday, am I right?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“I was home alone. Not complaining, just stating a fact. So, I was alone. Didn’t turn on the TV. I was at my computer typing another story. Left my desk and headed to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. While I waited for the coffee, I folded the laundry and carried it into the bedroom where I laid it on the bed. Looking up, I glanced at my SoClean machine and thought, HEAR ME, I SAID THOUGHT – NOT SAID ALOUD, that I really needed to clean my C-PAP machine. I put the laundry away and went back to my computer. I decided to check my email and, holy sh**! There were FIVE ads about So-Clean C-PAP liquid cleaner!!”

Even telling him this made the hairs on my arms rise.

He looked at me and said, “You probably mentioned it out loud, like you normally do.”

“That would prove my point, then, that the TV was listening, but uh, uh. Nope! I never said one word out loud. So, if these devices can read minds, don’t you think they can hear you when you’re complaining about – well, whatever you’re complaining about at the time?”

I told my husband about two incidents that happened just this past week to my boss. He has the Amazon Echo. Each day, Echo will send out a chime which indicates a notice. Zack will say, “Echo, what’s the alert?” It will tell him of a package that’s been delivered, or perhaps an urgent voice mail – those kinds of alerts. The other day, I heard him say, “Echo, what’s my alert?” Echo, his AI answered, “Zack, your package is on your front porch.” It called him by his name! What the heck?

If that’s not bad enough, without thinking, when he’d received his message, automatically, he said, “Thank you, Echo.” We heard the reply very clearly, “You’re quite welcome, Zack.”

Since when has AI decided to be so familiarly friendly with us?

This morning, I had a doctor’s appointment in a part of town that was unfamiliar to me. Before leaving the house, I called the doctor to verify the address. Then, I checked my usual search engine to verify the directions. Not wanting to find it necessary to constantly read the directions while I was driving, I called out to Siri. “Hey Siri,” I said. “How can I be of assistance?” the voice responded. I replied, “Get directions to (and I mentioned the address).”

In Siri’s usual sing-song voice, it said, “I’m sorry but that address doesn’t exist.”

Okay, I’m thinking that maybe it was a new building, and the GPS hadn’t yet been updated. While it didn’t make sense to me, I accepted the illogical possibility.

Time to try getting directions a different way.

“Hey, Siri,” I said again.

Again, it answered, “How may I be of assistance?”

Okay, then, here goes nothing! “Get me the directions to the intersection of Bermont Road and Duncan Road in Punta Gorda.”

Once again, in its sing-song voice, it replied, “I’m sorry, that intersection doesn’t exist in that town.”

Not wanting to waste any more time, I called the doctor’s office and asked for directions.

Once my appointment had ended, I called on Siri again, but now, asking for directions to my home.

“I’m sorry, Margaret. That address doesn’t exist.”

That’s when my top blew!! I screamed at the (expletive) phone, “You rotten p.o.s! Of course it exists. I’ve lived there for more than 20 years. Find me the damn route so I won’t lose my way going home.”

Siri came back on saying rather nastily, “There’s no need to speak to me in that manner, Margaret. I’ll await your apology.”

I screamed again, “You’ve got to be kidding, right? Apologize to a machine?”

“I’m waiting,” I heard in a far-away sing-song tone of voice.

After sitting in my car for about fifteen minutes in complete silence, out of sheer exasperation, I finally said, “Hey Siri, you win! I’m sorry!”

Then I heard what sounded like laughter as the response was perfectly loud and clear, “Thank you, Margaret.”

And here I thought “Space Odyssey” was nothing more than fiction!