Teddy and I

I can feel the lights wash over me causing me to stir from what has seemed to be a nap that had gone on too long. The lights sting my eyes, but I guess that's to be expected when you live in a place like this. You really don't know what it's like to be this lonely. There are others as I am. Lost in what seems like forever in a wave of darkness. You jump in front of their cameras hoping they might want to play for just a second, but as adults often do, they push you aside paying more attention to their surroundings. Stil, I beg them for one more game of hide and seek. I have spent time wondering through the contortions around me, dancing among the rusted icicles. There were others here, but one by one as they found who they were looking for they left. Those who are left are left in a state of confusion or panic as if this was all a bad dream. Alone I am hoping these visitors with their strange suits and cameras who have illuminated the mystery of this all can help bring him to me. When the darkness returns after all the visitors have left the same memories play round in my head. In my aunts cabin my sister and I played a game until naturally it was time for bed. My sister being so annoying and three years younger than my six-year-old self-had wanted to go for one last walk on deck before bed. My aunt tired out by attending to her three other tantrums today gave in. I begged to stay in, the wind was too chilly for me. It left my cheeks too flushed, plus I had my new teddy to keep me company. My father as my mother put it was a lucky man. The first reason being as she would always say, "because he married such a fine lady as herself," the second reason she would always pause before she stated it was, "He was just dimwitted enough to be in the right places at the right time." It was for this reason we were moving to America. I wasn't quite fond of moving what seemed like a world away; however, with a new teddy I was won over as well. Two months after his luck encounter with an American businessman I sat on the largest boat I had ever seen.

A few minutes passed from there leaving. Quickly I grew bored lulling myself into a nap. I felt the whole cabin jerk. Teddy and I got so nervous at first, we decided to be good children and wait for Auntie, but then we were just too scared we needed daddy. We ran out into the hall but were pushed around by a large group of people running up deck.

"Help us! Open the gate!" Families from the lower levels yelled clinging to the gate that kept them from second class.

I didn't know how to open it. They kept screaming, everyone was screaming and pushing. I...I had an accident. Teddy and I froze. We were big kids, but we didn't know what to do. The most scary part was that no one seemed to know what to do. There was no way we could run against all these people to make it back to mommy. Teddy suggested we go with these people on deck. Surely Daddy would be there. We were just sure of it. Everyone was yelling and crying, even Teddy and I. We couldn't find daddy anywhere and the lights had gone out. I am so afraid of the dark. I grabbed onto a mans pants who looked like my daddy's, but when he looked down it was not him. "Looks like you've missed the way out little one why don't you let me hold you a while."

I began to shake not just from the cold, but from the panic of the unknown what had been taking place.

"I just want my daddy." I cried feeling every tear flowing down my face like a blade of ice ripping into the hull of my heart. I hugged my teddy close to my chest. The man picked me up with no protest from myself. I felt safe in his arms. As safe as one can feel in a situation that seemed purely a nightmare. Maybe he would be able to take teddy and I to daddy. Then the ship let out a growl. The man was thrown against the railing causing all of us to go overboard. Teddy and I are both great swimmers, but the man was asleep, and I couldn't wake him up to start swimming. Teddy is the one who felt it first the icy water sinking down into his lungs cutting at him like he was a piece of supper. I started to feel warm again, but couldn't help but sink a little under the waves.

At this moment I looked up and saw my mother, aunt and sister far off in a small half packed boat. My mother was frantically searching the water wailing a strange cry. I wanted to wave to her, but my arms wouldn't move. I began to feel as if I was in the beginning of a nap. So tired that I found a nice bed where the others had fallen to rest. Teddy too came to lay beside me. This is the memory I wish these people could see. I wish they could see beyond the treasures strewn about. I wish they could see those who had long become the sand beneath them. The reluctant ocean nappers whispering their dreams to the sand until time faded them into it. I wish they could see beyond their fascination to see the bodies floating to only sink to the bottom with every object and odd end. I wish they could feel the screaming cutting their ears, ripping into them as inconsolable wailing might. Most of all I wish they could see a girls last glance before she forever fell asleep, not one of sharks or of death, but to look into her Teddy's eyes as they both fell asleep. One day peace might find us here. Causing all the panic and dread to drift away as some distant nightmare. Until then I am searching for my father among the wreckage that has become my life. Wondering among those amazed by my tragedy, forever an orphan of the sea. No more than a girl laying at the bottom of the ocean with her name sitting long forgotten on a passenger list.