Subsistent Lies

I watched as Gabby fled to the woods and sighed. I was angry and frustrated, hurt and tired, and Gabby had done the one thing that had made me crack. How dare she make me take all the blame. I’ve dealt with enough these past days, with taking care of little belonging we had, arranging our stay with the Gulliver family, comforting mother, watching my sisters, and training to become a lady. Then at night there would be those two dark eyes looking at me, their eyelids covered with the deep shade of blood, flowing down my fathers face….. “Zaria.”

Calib’s voice brought me back to the present. “Aye Calib”

His bright eyes turned worried as he watched me. “Are you well? Your eyes seem clouded.”

I knew he was referring to my watering but I simply turned the other way. “Tis nothing.”

“You’re sure?”

“Aye.” He lingered for a minute, and then walked away.

I sighed. I longed for his arms to hold me and his eyes to comfort me, yet he had already done so much already. Then I shook my head. Calib, he was my friend. There was no way there could be a possible us. Disappointed I walked into the unfamiliar house and found my room, so dark and dreary. The cold, stone, grey walls reflected the way I felt in a way, and only darkened my mood. Papa did not want this for us. So why did he commit the horrible sin of bringing his own death? I lied back on my bed, awaiting sleep to come over me, when mother burst in. “I figured it out!” she smiled, pulling me out of my comfortable position.

“Figured what out mother?” I asked, feeling half enthused.

“I figured out how to get us back to the living we are use to. Lady Jocelyn just spoke to me of it.”

“What mother?” I asked rubbing my temples. The more she talked the more a headache began to grow inside of me.

“I will present you, all of you, to the king’s court. You all are doing well in your training, you’re all beautiful, and surely someone will ask for marriage.”

I groaned. Of all the things I didn’t want to do, this was one of them. “Why mother?”

“We can not live in the shelter of others. Your father tried to hide you from marriage, but you should embrace it my dear Zaria.”

“Oye.” I rubbed my temples even harder.

I didn’t want to get married. I didn’t want to fall in love. I didn’t want children either; after taking care of my sisters it was the last thing I wanted. But I didn’t also feel this way. Gabriella loathed marriage and love all together. Isabella maybe….perhaps to Calib. I even thought of suggesting this to mother, but bit my tongue and instead whispered, “I wish to be alone. I do feel a headache coming on.”

“Aye, my dear. But think of what I said.” She kissed my forehead and left.

I sat back down on the bed. I loved my mother but at times she tired me. Marriage that was an unfortunate fate I didn’t want to think of. More than ever did I wish father was here.

**********

Slowly but surely we all settled into Calib and Colin’s home. Gabriella was more obedient, Isabella was slightly insecure Isabella, and mother buried herself in trying to make us presentable for the king’s court. Calib was acting differently though, and at first I thought it was him just being silly Calib as usual, but a conversation in the den aroused my senses that he liked me. When he spoke of marriage I knew for sure that he did. I tried not to think much of it; many friends had crushes on each other. In fact, didn’t I admit I had one earlier. I shook my head when I thought of this during dinner and sighed. I only wanted to be with Calib because he seemed to be my only sense of comfort. Now it was a bit awkward around him. He gave many signs that he showed interest in me. I shrugged them off and thought nothing of them; Calib was probably experiencing what I was. Aside from my Calib problem, I had another I had to face; telling my sisters of are already planned future. That day I sent for both of them to meet me in the parlor. When they walked in I turned around and sighed. This conversation would not go well and I knew I had to hold my ground. “What is this Zaria? This takes me from my studies.” Gabriella was already complaining.

“And mine also?” Isabella added.

I nodded my head and took a deep breathe in. “It steals me from mine as well but mother wants you both to know before our departure.”

“Know what?” Gabby grew restless.

“A day hence the morrow we will travel to the king’s castle in Balion, Anevia to visit the court of the king.”

“Why?” Isabella asked confused.

I took a deeper breathe, then replied, “To present ourselves to the public to help find our betrothed.”

“What!!?” They both yelled.

I nodded sadly, “Its mothers wish. I’ve been trying to convince her otherwise but she will not give in. Today she went to town to receive our dresses. This is our fate, sadly.”

“Tried to convince her? How long have you known?”

I sighed. This was going to be hard. “Ever since we’ve moved in.”

“What! And you kept it from us?”

“I only found out that I was to tell you yesterday.”

“Still!”

“Oye Gabby. Je suis désolé.”

“You couldn’t convince her otherwise?”

“I already said I couldn’t. You think that I didn’t try?”

“You could’ve tried harder.” Gabby whined.

I sighed. “You think that I didn’t. You known that I of all people don’t want to be burdened with marriage. I tried all I could but mothers mind was and still is already made up.”

“She wants us all to get married?” Isabella finally said.

Gabriella and I looked from each other to her. “It’s the only way she’ll be able to support us, another reason she wants us to marry.”

“Then we should do it. Mother is only doing what she feels is right.”

“Exactly what I was trying to say.” I sighed.

Gabby rolled her eyes. “You should have listened to her from the get-go. You keep on saying how much you want to change to redeem yourself of father’s death, but you don’t. Why don’t you just shut-up and do what Zaria says for once. I mean, you do blame father’s death on her but if you listened to her then it would have never happened.” We were all silent.

I have never heard Isabella speak her mind, and it took me by surprise almost as it shook Gabriella up. She looked at her before slowly getting up and leaving the room. I turned to Isabella and began, “Izzy did you really…”

She shook her head and sighed. “Sometimes that girl needs to learn to grow up.”