Starting Over

As she sat there in her crappy apartment, it occurred to her that she had lost everything. Wiping the tears from her face, she realized she needed to start her life over. Kendra gave her heart to Jason and he walked away, without a care, without stopping to listen when she tried to talk, without realizing he had no idea who she was because he only made assumptions. The scars from the manipulation and emotional abuse, still shown on her heart like a deep cut. And now, the friends that she stopped hanging out with because he didn’t like them, were gone. Kendra had no one to turn to.

Now she had lost her job because of an error made by another employee, now being blamed on her. Kendra’s manager (and best friend) didn’t have the professionalism to bring the issue up to her until Headquarters came down to the office to discipline her themselves. The mistake from the other employee was another of Kendra’s friends. When she had confronted her about this, a harassment complaint was brought to headquarters. With all of the lies and drama, Kendra lost not only her job but the only friends she had left.

Kendra sat in her apartment, not knowing what to do. She had no job, no friends, and lived within just minutes of her previous job and Jason’s work. The overwhelming feeling of feeling alone and sad suffocated the apartment-there was only one thing to do. Kendra called her mom on the phone.

“Mom, can I move back in with you for a while?”, she asked.

“Of course you can. You know that you’re always welcome to live here, no matter what”, her mom replied.

It was perfect timing as Kendra was already coming home for a couple of months while her mom was recovering from knee surgery. She had been through this a few times before with her mom, so she knew the expected routine: cleaning, cooking, laundry, and taking care of the animals. Dad was around too, but he had a busy work schedule, making it mostly just the two girls.

Right as Kendra’s mom was finally healing, there was a complication and the surgeons had to go back in and fix it. While this wasn’t the first or second surgery, it was getting exhausting keeping up with the house, errands, and attempting to look for a job with no jobs to find. The pandemic had hit approximately eight months prior, making it feel like a ghost town. No one was hiring and the added pressure of attempting to start over in a new field wasn’t easy, but being on the frontlines wasn’t an option for Kendra. Both of her parents and grandmother (who she took care of occasionally) were immunocompromised. She didn’t want to take a chance, not knowing what could happen. By winter and still no job, Kendra’s sister, Sam, who lived with their grandmother (with progressive dementia) was moving in with her boyfriend after too many conflicts. The only problem: there was no one to look after her. The best thing that they could do at that moment was taking turns staying with grandma. Kendra moved in and stayed with her grandmother five days a week, while her mom and Sam stayed the other two days.

Kendra soon felt the strain of what Sam went through with their grandmother: the typical dementia symptoms (angry, hostile, forgetful, confused), having to take complete care of everything around the house and out, all while trying to find a job that still seemed to be non-existent. Her life was consumed by taking care of her grandmother, cooking and cleaning, or doing laundry. Even when Kendra went home to her mom’s for a day or two to get a break, she was still helping around the house and job searching. There seemed to be no end.

Within a month of living at grandma’s, Kendra felt exhaustion like never before. Emotionally, physically, and mentally drained from nothing but taking care of family. Dementia just made everything unbearable. Knowing her grandmother as a sweet, kind, woman who spoiled her growing up, shook Kendra to see that same person as angry, bitter, and sad in a shocking revelation. As she tried to do what she could to make everything ok, Kendra was a strong-headed woman that stood up for herself, too. It just added fuel to the fire and it was too much for her to deal with. Having struggled with her weight all her life and recently 50 pounds in the five years prior, Kendra was finally feeling beautiful and was truly happy. Unfortunately, things didn’t end that way. It started with little things here and there, snacking on foods throughout the day and when they got in fights, she always found herself walking to the cabinet. Once the sugar addiction was back in full force, it only went downhill from there. During the day, snacking on whatever got her through the daily stress. During the night when she had time to think about her life? She turned to her favorite Netflix show, taking her out of her own reality while pairing it with a pint of ice cream. Watching her show, she idolized the women who were making their lives memorable. A successful career, all while maintaining happy and healthy lives that they loved because it was exactly that: their life.

All of a sudden, the pint of ice cream drops to the floor, bringing Kendra back to reality. Two seconds pass before she stands up, steps over the sticky, melted goop now seeping into the carpet, and runs to the bedroom. Grabbing her sister's empty suitcase, she shoves whatever she can fit into it and runs out the door. Sam arrives early the next morning to relieve Kendra for the day and finds a note on the table in the hallway.

“I have to do this on my own”, it read. And just like that, she was gone.