St Fandom Academy Part 6

"Okay," Mr Garrison said as he put Mr Hat away in his draw. "The deadline for the school's anthology is next Friday." The bell rang, and everyone emerged from their seats for lunch. "Eric, stay behind please!" Mr Garrison demanded, pointing to a chair in the front row as the rest of the class leaves. Eric rolled his eyes as the rest of his class left. Grinning, Eric knew he was going to get another detention. Eric Cartman was the king of detentions and he couldn't let anyone, especially Vicky Pollard take his crown away.

"Eric it's been two weeks," Mr Garrison said with his legs crossed in his chair. "I still haven't received your essay on Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing."

"Oh, I say," Eric said, bopping his head. "I thought I already sent you that."

Mr Garrison brought out a blank piece of paper and stood up. "This?"

"Yeah, that's it!" Eric smirked. "You wanted an essay about nothing and there is it. I think it's worth an A+."

He slammed the paper on the desk and raised his voice so much, his vocal chords strained. "Eric, there's nothing written on the paper."

Eric folded his arms and smirked. It was a shame his friends weren't there to see his genius work. "You see that is my work – much ado about nothing."

"Have you even been paying attention to my classes? Do you even know who wrote Much Ado About Nothing?"

"My balls," Eric chuckled.

Mr Garrison slammed his head against the desk. "I just told you it was Shakespeare."

"Shakespeare is the name of my balls."

"THAT'S IT!" Mr Garrison roared so loud he could be heard in Canada. "You are not leaving this room until you've written your essay."

"You can't do that cause I'm already late for Professor Snape's detention."

"Then you can back tomorrow morning!"

"I got detention with Miss Lust for standing up for myself when Vicky Pollard tried to shove me in the oven."

"Tomorrow Lunchtime!"

"Got detention with Miss Bum Bridge for taking a crap on her desk."

"IT'S UMBRIDGE."

"I got detention with Miss Dumb Bitch for the rest of the week."

"And you'll be getting detention with me for the rest of your life!"

"I've got detention everyday with all the teachers in the school. Everyone apart from you."

"Get on with your essay!" The sheet of paper that was once in his hand had been slapped down on Eric's table with a pen spinning around.

Eric threw on his crocodile tears act. "Oh Mr Garrison!" He scurried to the teacher and wept on Mr Garrison's green jumper. "You don't understand. Vicky Pollard said she's well going to beat me up for saying she has fake tits in reading class. It's true though. You see, she's big-boned like me and she gets fat shamed like me everyday. It so hard to get discriminated just for being fat. She's had loads of kids and they all got taken away from her cause she swapped one for a boyband CD. So please go easy on me."

Eric pushed himself away and got Mr Hat out of the draw. Cradling Mr Hat, Eric kissed it. "Mr Hat, you understand, don't you?"

"Eric, I am not falling for that.”

"Okay!" Eric started the homework that he should have completed a fortnight ago. Within half an hour, Eric jumped off his chair and handed the paper into Mr Garrison's hand. "I've finished. See you tomorrow."

Eric had written in the centre of the page:

Shakespeare sucks donkey balls

Reading is for faggots

Kyle's mom is a fat bitch

Fluttershy is the best pony

and anyone thinks otherwise

is a fucking idiot.

Eric scribbled naked women smoking weed and bordered his work with Nazi symbols and dollops of faeces. Mr Garrison gasped. "ERIC CARTMAN YOU GET BACK HERE NOW!"

It was too late. He had never seen Eric run so fast and laugh so loud.