Speak up

It happened on a beautiful autumn day. The air was dancing all around spilling an array of colorful leaves in out midst. The ceremony ended at the beginning of the sunset. Just in time for the bride and groom to be showered in shades of amber, yellow, and gold as they make their way out to the reception. Just a magical sight.

I can’t believe he’s married now.

We make our way to the next building where the reception will be held. I have no words to even describe the elegance that I have just stepped into. As I walk in, there’s a gold mirror with seat assignments scrawled in perfect brush script sitting upon an easel waiting to be fawned over. Once I located my name, I make my way to the table. I walk into a sea of tables all perfectly adorned with an array of decorations. I know he helped with the arrangements so, I know everyone who will be at my table. It was the only way I'd come to the reception. I’m the first to arrive so, I take a seat to fully take in the view of the venue. There's floor to ceiling windows letting the sunset spill unto us in all its golden goodness. There are varying sizes of vases in the middle to make up the centerpiecdes with bottles of wine encircled around them. I reach for one of the bottless. I decide white will be the best given how clumsy I can get and I don’t want to ruin my dress. I pour myself a glass and really start to take notice of all the details at each table. They really catered to the couple with the decorations. There were pictures ranging from birth through college strewn about the tables. The sign holders were a mix of gold and red-their favorite colors. The signs listed the numbers for each table and had some part of the wedding vows on each one. They had different types of flowers that all seem to fit in some way with their theme.

I go to grab the bottle again when I see a familiar picture on the table. I stop cold. He knows I’m sitting at this table. Did he do this on purpose? I pick it up and try to hold back the tears I feel building up in the back of my eyes. I see him and I in sweats just smiling at each other. The picture was taken mid-laugh on one of the best days of my life. It was because of him that I had been so happy then. It didn’t last long though. That picture was taken a week before I lost the baby. I lost our baby. No one knew and we wanted to keep it that way. Our relationship became strained and I thought I always had time to make it right. I was wrong.

I toss the picture back on the table, not wanting to continue reminiscing about the man I loved so much.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and almost scream until I realize who it is.

It’s him.

He was by himself. I stand to give him a hug and offer my best wishes. He tells me how happy he is that I came because he wasn’t sure and wanted to see me before things got crazy and he missed his chance. We talk and laugh for a while but it felt like hours. It always felt so good to be around him.

Finally, the remaining guests start to show up at the table and take their seats. Each one of them hugged and congratulated him. We were all good friends with a history that was never allowed to be told outside of our friend group. They were very curious as to what happened between us. I said we could talk about it later and grabbed the bottle of wine again.

The reception was great or at least I was feeling great. The wine was definitely great. I grabbed a bottle of white wine and told the table I would be heading up to my room for the night. A few offered to walk me up but, I told them I’d be fine. It was so hard seeing him with his wife that I decided to sneak out through the back.

I’m walking towards the elevator when I hear him calling my name. I can’t do this. So, I keep walking pretending I don't hear him. He catches up to me and tells me again that he’s happy I came and wanted to make sure I got to my room. We get on the elevator and no words are spoken until we step out. I tell him I can make it from there but, he’s not listening. I don’t trust myself. We’re standing in front of my room, my door slightly ajar. He tries to make small talk and I stop him.

“I can’t do this. If I’m being honest. I’m still in love with you.” I say.

Without missing a beat, he says “I love you too.”

Before I can say another word, he kisses me.

“I never stopped.” He says before he leads me into the room.