Spartan Races

“The race will begin on the count of three: ONE…TWO…THREE!”

The children take off, determined, as their parents heckle loudly from the sidelines:

“It’s a jump rope, Shrimpie! Jump! Jump!”

“Damn your asthma, Peter! Pummel through!”

“REMEMBER CHILDREN--,” the announcer continues, “ FALLING MEANS DISQUALIFICATION!”

The kids zoom like lightening—panting, sweating, heaving.

“LEAP, KNOB KNEES!... LEAP!”

“Lose, and you’re sleeping on the lawn!

“…I swear they’ll be no insulin for you tonight!”

The children dash across the finish line one-by-one.

Parents whoop. Some cry.

Shrimpie tumbles face-first, last, a glimmering disappointment to the crowd.