Space

"Space"

Laying on a mattress hard as college math exams, my eyes gazed out of the window into space. Growing up, I always yearned to be a space cadet. Traveling to a galaxy as far away from this earthly realm as humanly possible was at the top of my bucket list. Traveling the galaxy, finding the woman of my life, and being adopted into a new family were among the things that I daydreamed about growing up. The idea of being in an environment that was filled with love, joy, and happiness was music to my ears.

“Boy, get your black behind down these stairs and take out this trash,” yelled my mom. Once again my dreams were shattered by a piercing voice that would make nails on a chalkboard sound synonymous to one of Beethovens greatest compositions. I proceeded to grab my phone, put on my headphones, navigated to my playlist titled “Escape,” and pressed play. As I ran down the steps, I accidentally knocked my moms favorite picture off the wall. It was a picture of a weird looking owl, and its eyes were almost as cutting as my mothers vocal cords. Needless to say, the picture was broken, and so was my heart after what happened next.

I reluctantly brought the picture downstairs, and placed it in the trash hoping that the devil herself wouldn’t notice and slap me across the face with her pitchfork. “Son, I’m really tired of you messing things up around this house,” she remarked. “I should have aborted your ugly behind when I had the chance. You’re just like your daddy, except I wish you’d just leave me the same way he did. Now, get the heck out of my face”. Out of all the crude remarks that had ever come out of my mothers mouth, those were the ones that would run on a never ending loop inside my head. It seemed like I was always in the house, and only ever left to go to school, or to take out the trash. I had no friends to vent to, no father that I could run to, or no girlfriend to embrace me. I was alone in this world, and it dawned on me that for once, I needed a friend.

After taking out the trash, I decided that I would never return home. Before leaving the house, I packed my book bag with all the essential items one might need to survive in the wilderness. It was cold, dark, and I would have worn better shoes but, my mom was too cheap to buy me more than one pair. A long the way I met an old man. He stopped me and asked where I was going to, and why was I in such a hurry. I told the old man that I was going somewhere where no-one would ever find me. “Well, the expression on your face tells me that you want to be found,” he said. I was confused, and didn’t know wether to take his words serious, mainly because he was dressed as if he had no home of his own. “There is an abandoned barn just a few miles from here. Keep going straight down this dirt road, and you’ll see it on the left. No-one will bother you there,” he said. I then set off to find some form of shelter. It was a long walk to this old barn, and I was afraid. I had heard tales of creatures that roamed the woods at night searching for young boys to devour. This was going to be a long day I thought, and as it turned out, I didn’t sleep at all that night.

As the day turned into night, my feet grew weary as I neared the rugged barn the old man spoke of. It was red in color, and looked as if no-one had been near it in ages. The grass surrounding it had grown almost to my shoulders, and the sound of crickets echoed throughout the night sky. At least I wasn’t alone, I thought to myself. I proceeded to pull an old mason jar out of my bag, and catch as many fireflies as possible. Slowly, I inched my way inside the barn, and kept an eye out for any man eating monsters. The barn was lined with hay stacks on each wall, and gigantic cobwebs in each corner. At the very back there was a small bed, and a bookshelf with only one book on it. The title of the book read “The Four Agreements”. Immediately I sat it back down, because I was not in a very agreeing mood at the moment. It was an eerily quiet night, almost too quiet to sleep, but eventually I dozed off.

Before I could close my eyes it seems, I felt a strange energy coming from above me. I scanned the room for any spiders, but there were none in sight. An overwhelming sense of fear began to overwhelm me. “Why do I always have to be so afraid!” I screamed out loud. “Why am I always alone! Why am I always alone? Why does God never answer my prayers!” I shouted. The strange presence began to get stronger and stronger the louder I raised my voice. It was then I saw its eyes, and my life would be changed forever.

“Who’s there!” I yelped. No answer. “Show yourself,” I whispered. No answer. “Why do I feel like I’m going crazy right now,” I said. It was then when I heard it’s voice for the first time, and it seemed to speak in parables.

“Why should I listen to your voice,

If it doesn’t echo within my heart,

As If I never had a choice,

To love my voice from the start.

I used to hide behind your truth,

But now I’m free from all perceptions,

And stop’d questioning mistakes,

Once I turned them into lessons”.

After hearing the pair of eyes speak to me, all of the horror stories I was told growing up began to resurface. Although I was frightened, there was a certain calmness to its voice. I began to ponder on what the eyes had said, and started to remember all of the times I questioned my own voice. I began to warm up to the voice, and lots of questions started to arise. “Why does my Mother always pick fights with me?” I asked. There was a long silence before the voice answered my question.

“ Some say fight for what you believe in,

But why does there have to be a fight,

When everything that you believe in,

Can create peace within your life,” the eyes replied.

Why did he have to speak in riddles? I sat on the weathered bed for a moment and dissected the mysterious figures words. Why does there have to be a fight? My mom is crazy, maybe? All I ever wanted was peace, and it seemed the more that she yelled, the less that it bothered me. When the kids picked on me at school, I rarely even payed them much attention. Was my mom only preparing me to deal with the world around me? It was as if the eyes could hear my thoughts, because they started to speak again.

“ Your words used to tear me down,

Until I changed the way I listened,

And now I’m hearing what I choose,

That’s if I choose to pay attention,” said the voice.

Once I changed my perception of the world, I realized that there were lessons that I was being taught. My mom, the old man, and even the people at school were preparing me for something, but what? I’d always searched for answers to all my questions, but never found them until that moment. Why is it that it took me having all that space to do some self reflection, before I started to come to these realizations. Once again, the owl read my mind.

“ You’ve searched for something your whole life,

And think you know what you pursue,

But once you stop searching for a moment,

You’ll see that something’s inside of you,” the voice responded. I had been searching for a girl, longing for peace, and traveling miles just to find solitude, and as it turned out, I had all those things the entire time. I couldn’t help but think how good I was getting at deciphering the coded language that I was receiving from above. I felt as if I knew all the secrets of life. Before my head could get too big, the voice interrupted my ego trip once more.

“ I used to think I knew it all,

Until I knew that I knew nothing,

Then fell in love with knowing nothing,

Once I turned nothing into something,” said the yellow eyes.

This was one parable that I could not crack so easily. Before I knew it the sun was starting to come up, and all that I could think about was returning home to tell my mom how grateful I was for everything. I looked up to thank the mysterious voice, but it was gone. A slight sadness seeped into my chest, because for once, I had made a friend. I proceeded to run home as fast as I could. As I scurried home, I couldn’t help but think that the eyes were watching me the entire way.

I finally had made it home, and realized that the house was completely silent. There was no screaming, there was no fried chicken grease popping in the kitchen, and my mom was nowhere to be found. I decided to go outside, and sit on the steps until she returned. There was nothing to do, so I pulled my notebook out of my back pack and started to sing some of the songs that I had written. I glanced to my left, and next door there sat the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She was laughing hysterically at something, and I was curious to find out what. I then remembered the voice saying to turn nothing into something. Reluctantly, I strutted over to the girl and asked her what she was laughing at. She said that she was on this new app called TikTok, and people would post all sorts of funny videos from their phones, and make money from them. “Didn’t I hear you over there singing? Why don’t you post a video of you performing your songs? I’ll record it right now,” she said. Before I had a chance to say no, she pointed her camera at me. This was my chance to impress a girl for the first time. Without hesitation I began to sing, and she began to smile more and more as I grew more confident in my voice. “That was amazing! I’ll post it on YouTube now, and I’ll send you the link!” said the girl. She asked for my number, and then went into her house. I couldn’t help but think of the eyes, and how for once I was starting to love my own voice.

The next morning I felt a familiar presence hovering over me as I slept. I opened my eyes, and my mom was sitting on my bed with tears in her eyes. “Never leave me again, son,” she said. She then wrapped her arms around me, and squeezed me tighter than I had ever been squeezed before. Out of all the words that I could have said, the only ones I could think of were, thank you. She smiled, stood up, and left the room. My phone then vibrated, and to my surprise, it was the video of me singing. In just one night, the video had amassed over ten-thousand views! I decided to read the comments. Some people were laughing, some people hated it, and some people said they loved my voice, but I didn’t care, because for once I spoke up. I rushed downstairs to show my mom, and couldn’t help but notice the broken picture of the owl sitting on the counter. After examine the eyes for a few seconds, I realized that these were the very eyes that had been speaking to me while I was in the barn. I walked outside to thank the girl for video chatting me, and there she was sitting on her front porch. On her shirt was a picture of an Owl, and I couldn’t help but feel as if I had known her my whole life. We both smiled at each other, and then her parents called her back into the house. As I walked back into mine, my mother called me upstairs. She told me that she loved me, and that I was always welcome in her home. I then proceeded to close the curtains, in an attempt to separate space, and me, forever.