Sister

The Pond at the local park, just a couple of blocks away from the hospital, would freeze over every winter. It’s little sleep before it was to wake up again in spring. I was standing by the pond, looking at the frozen surface, wondering if it could sustain my body wait… and if I wanted it to.

I pictured all the scenes you would have seen just a few hours ago when it was still the previous night. A young couple maybe with skates on, sliding across, holding hands, staring into each-other’s eyes. There’s a tree over there, maybe some teens where smoking something that was illegal when I was their age. Perhaps an old man came by to feed the ducks, only to remember they all flew south a few weeks ago. Who knew? Only those who where there to see it and to experience it.

I was pondering around that frozen pond for what seemed like maybe a few years, it was beautiful. Almost like a moment frozen in time. I could have stayed in that moment forever. But I felt a presence behind me, then I heard a familiar voice.

“Hey, are you alone?” The familiar voiced spoke, in a soft way. It was my sister, speaking in a strange way compared to her usual long and drawn-out way of talking. It was like someone was speaking for her.

“Yea, Just me sis” I replied.

“So, you came here to freeze yourself to death? Is that your plan?” She said like a mother talking to her misbehaving tantrum throwing son. I didn’t respond, I didn’t even turn around to look at her.

“Brother, speak to me” She spoke as she moved toward me, now standing next to me. I didn’t look at her at first, my eyes instead fixed on the pond still. I could have sworn that I saw fish swimming below the surface. Was the Ice their blessing? Protecting them from the birds who came down to swallow them whole. No, I guess if the ice was there forever, they’d eventually suffocate. Or else they’d find a place to live under the ice forever. I can’t imagine these pond fish would survive Antarctica.

“Brother!” My sister said, raising her voice this time. I looked at her this time, and all I saw was regret.

“It’s okay sis, I should have responded sooner. Hell, I should have told someone I would be here at least” I finally replied. I felt myself fighting back a few tears, but I held it in. It was so cold that crying was likely to only cause more issues anyway. Not that I needed anymore.

“Come, let’s sit down for a bit. On the grass. It hasn’t snowed yet so it shouldn’t be too moist” She said softly. We both sat down, staring at the pond together for a moment.

“Do you remember” Said my sister, breaking the silence “when we first came here, to this city, to this country. A couple of idiots whose saw this new land of funny accents, only to realise that we’re the ones with the funny accents”

“Yea, I was disappointed. They all pronounced about pretty much the same way we do” I said, allowing myself to smile a little

“Yea” My sister responding, also smiling “And this pond, it actually froze over! Like they all said it would”

“Yea, I remember. That weekend it snowed, and we both thought it would only last for the weekend.” I responded, my smile starting to grow a little more “But no, it snowed, then it snowed, and them it snowed again, and it never stopped snowing. Christ it was cold everyday”

“But this place, this place. Yea this place, so much of our lives passed by here” She responded, slightly changing the subject.

“Yea, see that tree, got my first kiss under that tree. Trying to hide from the others”

“Oh yea?” My sister spoke up, interested in what I had to say next

“Yea, it was Livy too.”

“Olivia! Your first kiss was Olivia?” She responded, shocked to her core. “You two didn’t become a thing until way later though, like just after we left school later. I’m pretty sure I had just graduated when you two became a thing”

“Yea well, yea it was her. Funny how things pan out huh?” I responded, trying not to give more details about my life away. “Anyway, I fessed up, your turn”

“oh, yea I guess erm…” She said, looking at me shocked. “Promise me this, I confess something right here, right now. Something I never told Mum and dad, something Gigi doesn’t know, and can’t because his parents wouldn’t, well yea I guess you know.”

“They wouldn’t you become Mrs Zhou, is that it? Also, his name is Anthony, not Gigi”

“He was born Guanyu, not Anthony”

“So… why do you call him Gigi?”

“Well, there’s already a Guanyu Zhou you see. Some racing drivers, also from Shanghai too strangely enough, well then again it’s a big city.”

“You’re stalling”

“Coming from you” She snapped back at me. I was taken aback a little, but she was right Afterall.

“That was too harsh” She continued “Sorry. Anyway yea. I tell you this, and you come with me back to the hotel immediately. Olivia is dead worried about you. Do you understand?”

“Yea, yea I do sis” I responded, meekly “I’m just… so worried about her.”

“Yea” She responded, quietly. She got what she wanted, well not so much what she wanted but what she needed to do. In this frozen place, when I was all alone, I felt that I could stay here forever. But now, seeing my sister reminded me of the reality I had to face. She was my baby sister and now she’s engaged. How time flies.

“You know sis” I said, feeling it was my turn to break the silence. “when we first moved here, to this country, I often dreamt of home. My friends, the corner shop where boss-man Anish would let me take two Twix bars for the price of one. The Morley’s where me and my friends would eat after Saturday’s football match. I can still see the poster they had on the wall, Jackie Chan holding two chicken drumsticks.” I was interrupted as my sister begun to laugh

“The One nighty nine two piece, chips and can of KA” She said cheerfully.

“Yea, I cans still smell it. Drenching my chips with burger sauce. Who can forget St. Mark’s Church? When it was the 1st of December and they brought the nativity set out, and we’d sing Christmas carols in anticipation for the big day. Yea, I missed it. Did you ever feel like that?”

“I dreamt of home too. I remember one dream where I saw my old ballet class again. I felt like I was floating, managing to achieve pirouettes and jumps I could never do. But I didn’t care that I was able to this moves that even the best schools in Moscow can’t teach, I just cared that my friends where there again”

We sat in silence for a moment, pondering dreams we had over a decade ago, but dreams we still remembered all these years later, none the less. I finally looked at my sister, for real this time. I began to talk.

“This is where I took her every Saturday. To feed to ducks usually. Or just to have a nice day out. She loved it here. So did I. Always demanding that we get a puppy every time a dog walked pass. This is a park so; it was pretty much every 30 seconds. I never did get her a puppy, It was always maybe, always putting it off. I wish I did buy her a puppy.” I stared to cry.

“Hey hey now.” My sister responded immediately, hugging me. “Look, I understand why you love this place, but her chemo starts at ten tomorrow, you should get some sleep okay.”

“I just want to stay here forever sis” I blurted out, struggling to speak with all the tears that refused to stay put. “When she had hair, when she could run around, when I saw myself being back in that park back home. Not a worry in the world, as it should be”

“Life’s shit”

“Yea. I just wonder about death now. All the time. I don’t know what’s worse. Spending an eternity in hell, what if its just living life all over again? But a new curse every time. Being a musical artist who can’t sing, a basketball player who couldn’t grow past 5ft5. A dreamer who can never sleep. What if I’m already here, and this is just a part of my punishment? To lose everything I love again and again?”

“Hell wouldn’t be so fun or beautiful. In Hell I’d never be here for you. In hell you wouldn’t have meet Olivia. In Hell you’d never eat a good meal, or breath that wonderful clean air. If it is eternal, then at least get the joys to feel the pain” My sister bite back at me

“So, if we reincarnate, I’d feel the pain of life all over again, just as someone else on some other corner of the world.” I retorted

“But you’d forget all the joys, so you could experience them all over again” She responded

“And Heaven, meet my maker. The one who let all of this happen. Let my wonderful little angel…” I cut myself short, unable to finish.

“Your maker also gave you your wonderful little angel, and all the joy you felt from that” She fought back once again

“But if there’s nothing?” I said slowly, looking directly at her.

“Then you and everyone else can finally rest” She said, oddly confident, like she wasn’t just reassuring myself.

“Yea, I guess. Alright then, let’s go. I think I’m ready” I said, finally.

“Brother” My sister suddenly interrupted “No-one’s ever ready, we just have to find the courage”

We both got up and started to walk towards the hotel. Just a block away from the hospital. We wanted to stay close so we could visit regularly. We reached the entrance. She turned to me.

“Ok now, go to your room and Say hello to Olivia for me.” Said my sister

“Thank you, sis.” I responded. She smiled back at me, gave me a hug, and walked off. “Wait!” I suddenly spoke with a raised voice, trying to catch her attention as she disappeared into the distance. “You never confessed”

“Yea, well, I guess I did promise.” She said, approaching me again. “This isn’t some sappy teenage romance story, or something embarrassing. It’s just something that’s hard to say right now”

“What is it?” I asked

“Since you opened up” She began “I will too. Me and Gigi, we came here about two weeks ago. To the pond I mean. We agreed something. We’re moving to London after we get married.”

“Ontario?”

“No, London London. I’m going home”

I could only smile at that point. “I’ll miss you sis”

“We’re not going for a while yet but, I’ll miss you too. I’m sorry”

“Sorry for what? It’s your life”

“I know but, well yea you know”

“It’s ok sis. Goodnight”

We smiled at each other and that was it. I went up the lift toward my room, said hello to Olivia from my sister, and fell right into bed. I fell asleep immediately. My dreams from my youth came back to me that night. Suddenly I was eight again, where my only concern was playing football and cricket. When it was time to wake up, I wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep and live in that dream forever. But I got straight up, went to the shower, and prepared myself for the day ahead.