Shelter From the Storm

“Come on! Let’s hurry!” Billy hollers over his shoulder.

“Billy! Slow down!” I holler right back.

The sky is quickly darkening. The rumbling thunder getting closer with each stride. Large splotches of rain are already starting to fall. The barn is just on the other side of this field. The new wheat seems to cast a radiant glow of brilliant yellow. A shocking contrast against the inky-grey sky filled with billowing thunderheads that rise to the heavens.

“Faster!” Billy roars.

Dammit to hell! He knows my short legs can’t keep up with is long muscular ones! When the hell did he get so fast? Last summer I could outrun him.

A lot had happened since last summer. Billy had grown up. Girls had noticed Billy, and Billy had noticed girls.

“Are you and Billy like together-together?” Lizzie, her best friend had asked.

“Ew. No” I’d blurted out abruptly. Billy was like my brother.

“Good! Then he’s fair game!” She’d squealed. All the girls had giggled at that and each started making their own devious plans to win Billy’s affections.

“He’s already kissed me behind the school.” Mary had drawled boastfully.

“Well, he carried my books to class yesterday.” Lizzie preened.

I had never thought of Billy that way. Until then. Until that day. That moment. A wave of jealousy had overtaken me and I knew for the first time what all the books said about ‘seeing red’. The thought of Billy, my Billy, with any of these petty girls pulled at my teenage heart. My cheeks had burned then out of anger.

Picturing Billy kissing me, they burned now. Drops of cool rain against my hot cheeks sent a shiver down my spine. I felt a heat between my legs.

Is this normal? Is this what happens when you like a boy?

We grew up together climbing trees, playing hide and seek and swimming together in the pond. Living in the country meant you hung out with whomever lived nearby. We’d always been friends. How many times had I seem him strip down to his boxers to swim? Suddenly I caught myself wondering what Billy looked like underneath them. A fresh wave of heat overcame me.

When did things change? When did I start longing to be with a boy? To think about sinful thoughts with a boy! This boy! Oh gawd! If Mamma could hear my thoughts, she’d be fixing to send me to bed without dinner. And Daddy? Daddy would tan my hide with his belt!

“We’re almost there! Run faster Ginny!” Billy hollered as the barn, the only nearby shelter, loomed into view.

I’m going as fast as I can you infuriating Arse!

The rain was starting to pick up now, plastering my hair and clothes against my skin. My chest was heaving, my breathing coming raggedly in gasps. Billy must have heard me struggling. He slowed, waiting for me to catch up. Grabbing my hand he pulled me along sharply.

C-C-R-R-A-A-A-C-K!

A loud clap of thunder rang out shaking the ground beneath our feet as a brilliant blaze of lightning filled the sky causing us to both jump, and me to stumble and fall as we reach the barn.

“Ow!”

I’m soaked, bedraggled, and now with skinned knees. I can feel tears welling as Billy turns to face me.

Gawd! No! Please, please, please! Please! Don’t notice I’m crying!

He notices. Bending over and brushing my cheek, “Are you okay?”

I can only nod as Billy gently lifts me up. His stormy grey eyes match the color of the sky, meeting mine with a tenderness that rocks me to my core.

“Come on. Let’s go dry off and wait out the storm inside.” Billy says. He opens the wide hay door and guides me inside as the skies open and the deluge of heavy rains fall across the fields.

“Let’s go sit by the horses, it’ll be warmer there.” Billy offers.

Securing two horse blankets from a stall, we settle down on hay bales.

“I’m sorry, I’m a such a mess today.” I offer casting my glance downward.

Billy wraps a blanket tightly across my shoulders pulling me closer. He lightly takes my chin to turn my face toward his and murmurs, “I think you’re breathtaking.”

He leans in softly kissing my lips. The soft whinny and nicker of horses echo in the background. Huddling together for warmth, and with the combination of scents of horse, hay and Billy, the pull of sleep takes hold.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” whispers Billy. “You can sleep.”

Mmm. My Billy.

A fitful sleep with dreams and pictures dancing through my mind take over. Like the rise and fall of a symphony, visions come in cascading waves. Waves of happiness, sadness, of pain, wonder and awe. A wedding filled with laughter, dancing, and toasts to the bride and groom!

Do I know them? They look so familiar. Is that Billy and I?

Darkness.

Pain! Hammering spasms followed by burning and searing pain! Loud wailing and crying!

Is that a baby? Yes a baby! Who’s baby? Is that my baby?

Darkness.

A warm kitchen. A warm home. Glorious smells of home-cooking, children’s laughter in the background. The clang and clatter of dishes, pans, forks and knives a the cacophony of dinner conversation.

Darkness.

The merriment of a party! Music and faces from across the ages. Car horns blasting. Fireworks. Laughter and dancing. Billy! My Billy! Swinging me around on the dancefloor!

Darkness.

People dressed all in black. A heavy melancholy in the air. Drizzling rain and row upon row of tombstones.

Is that a pastor? Yes. A casket? Who died? Do I know them? Billy! Billy? Where are you?

Darkness again.

Muffled voices.

Hello? Who is there? You sound familiar.

“Ginny!”

A pause.

“Virginia! Where are you?!” says a deep male voice.

I’m here. Is that you Daddy?

Howling winds ring out.

There's a storm!

“Mom!” calls a voice.

Mom? Where is Mom? Why is everyone yelling?

“Let’s try the old barn.” says the familiar voice.

Barn. What barn? Something about a barn. Wait! The barn! Yes, yes! The storm. We made it to the barn. I'm safe in the barn. Billy! Is that you? Where are you? It’s so cold now.

“That place is falling apart" says the voice, "Come on! Let’s hurry!”

“She’s here I found her!” the deep voice rings out. A warm hand gently clasps mine.

Billy? Is that you?

I open my eyes. A fine mist obscures my vision of a man.

Who are you? Do I know you? You look kind. You’re not Billy.

Stormy grey eyes meet mine.

I know those eyes! Billy!

I try to get up, and fall back. My muscles are weak. My bones, they ache.

Must be from the cold. I'm not like this.

Hair falls across my face. Grey hair.

That’s not my hair. My hair is golden.

“Mom, it’s me. It’s your son Bill. Help is on its way."

Mom? Am I Mom?

"Hang on. Stay with me Mom.” says the man.

My son I think he said.

I’ll just close my eyes for a minute. There you are Billy.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” whispers my Billy, his hand tightens on mine. “You can sleep.”

Mmm.

I smile and let the darkness come one last time.