She wouldn't stop

My head was in a fog. The drugs and the alcohol left my mind altered and in a cloudy state. She stood there with her beautiful gaze piercing into my soul. I had such a hard time when I was around her because she made me feel undone. I had grown heavy with desire just looking at those perfect dark-brown eyes. Her dark brown hair that she usually kept up was sticky from our nights' activities and it clung to her neck and breasts.

I felt my body ache and twitch as I imagined myself inside of her. I just want to wrap my arms around this woman, carry her to the bed, and prove myself to her. She was so insecure it was hard to look into those sexy eyes and see the jealousy flaring through her towards her own daughter.

"Stop," I whispered at first hoping that the sound of my voice might soothe her. I towered over her slender 5'7' frame. This woman would haunt me until the end of time. I was at her mercy and so undeniably addicted to her. I just wanted for her to want me a fraction the same. I wanted her to need me the way I needed her. She wouldn't give that to me. She just used me over and over again and returned to the man that couldn't keep her. It frustrated me and I felt unsettled.

I still remembered the way she looked at me when we first met. I was surfing at the beach and she walked onto the sand wearing this two-piece suit that barely hid a thing. All eyes granted her attention but her eyes rested solely on mine. I took her body that same day in the public restrooms. Her back was pressed against the stall and her legs wrapped themselves around my lower half. She held her weight with her hands as she held onto the top of the bathroom stall door. It was hot watching her hooded eyes gloss over from desire as I buried myself inside of her.

I knew at that moment that I would need more of her. One year later, here we were. I didn't care that she had a husband or a daughter. I only cared about her. I just want her to show me some respect. She needed to love me the way that I loved her. It didn't matter that she was ten years older than me. I wanted this caramel-skinned goddess to stay with me. I hated that she kept leaving me to go back to that man. He didn't know how to take care of her the way that I could. He couldn't give her what I could give her. He wasn't good enough to be in the same room as her. The more my thoughts raced the angrier I found myself becoming. 'Why are you choosing him?!' I thought.

"After all, I have done for you. You don't even KNOW that little girl! You have never even MET her, except for that one time when I had to pick her up from school while you were with me…and you tell me this? You tell me that it is all in my head and that she means nothing to you? I saw you looking at her! Do you think that I am just going to stand aside and let you 'worm' your way into her pants the way you slithered into mine? I would rather see her dead before that 'happens' BABE." Her harsh words left me stunned. How had her mind crafted this ridiculous narrative from a single encounter?

"You are putting words in my mouth, Becky! Damn! Will, you just listen for one second?" My arms fell to my side. I was horny, confused, angry, and determined to keep her. I wasn't going to give her back to that worthless man. I had more to offer than he did. Rage began to build inside of me as I imagine her bedding him. This man that she called her husband was unworthy of the goddess that stood before me. Yet, even though she despised the sight of him she would willingly give to him what belonged to me. My mind was unraveling and I was losing my ability to think clearly.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I hadn't paid attention to the fact that she started to make a run for it. That's what I thought I saw. I swear that's how I remember it. This woman was going to be the death of me. She was running on unsteady legs and I noticed her start to fall but she stopped herself and stood there frozen.

It all happened so fast, the rage was so intense. I kept seeing her in my mind screaming his name and begging him for more the way she just asked me a few moments ago. I hated the fact that she had to settle for him until she found me. I hated the fact that the only time I could see her was when she was traveling for business. She stood there with tear-stained cheeks and venom in her eyes. I knew that if she walked out that door I would never see her again.

My hand moved of its own accord. With a clenched fist I struck her. The impact of my fist sent her stumbling over her feet. As she stumbled, she lost her balance and fell headfirst into the wooden coffee table. I watched in almost slow motion as her head hit the table. The sound it made echoed in my mind. The blood poured from the wound and her once vibrant eyes faded.

"Rebecca, Becky, wake up baby," I said, standing there. Suddenly, I felt a rush of panic fill me and I ran to her. Her lifeless body lay there on the floor near the table. My eyes opened wide as I stood over her limp form. Grief pummeled me. The site of her blood pooling beneath that beautiful face of hers left me feeling hollow.

"Rebecca? Becky? Sweetheart? Please wake up. Don't do this! Please! Wake up!" I called out to her and found myself on my knees gently touching her face. She felt warm but she wasn't moving. I tried to wake her up at first with gentle nudges, but soon I grew more desperate, and I started shaking her violently. Her body remained motionless.

"Aghhhhhh!" I screamed. She wasn't going to wake up. "I didn't…I didn't....it wasn't supposed to be this way. You promised me we would be together forever. You promised me that I would never have to feel alone again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm…" I lost my voice as it faded away she couldn't hear me. She would never hear me again. I sat next to her and placed her head on my lap. I stroked her hair gently. My blurred thoughts suddenly began to clear. The fog was lifting. The awareness that she was gone was too real. I knew I couldn't call the police. They would arrest me for murder and I wasn't meant for life behind bars.

"I'll always love you. Sure, I thought your daughter was beautiful, but she was a child and you are a woman. Why did you make me do this?" She didn't answer. It didn't matter, the pain that I felt had exceeded despair. It was hopelessness. My eyes fell on the drugs that we had purchased together. It was so close I could grab it from where I sat. With a tremor in my hands, I reached over and grabbed the bag.

"One last hooray?" I whispered into Becky's ear and I prepared the contents and line by line I consumed it all. Maybe a part of me knew this was a bad idea but the other part of me just wanted to be with her. The feeling of euphoria swelled as I continued to stroke her hair. My eyelids grew heavy.

"I only loved you, Becky. It was always only you." I said softly to her lifeless form and I rested my head upon hers. Sleep finally found me.