Shattered

“Sixty years ago, the world went to war for the final time. Billions of people lost their lives, homes and the beauty of this once magnificent place, where everywhere you looked there were new majesties to behold. My wife and I had been married for five years when the government ordered a nuclear war and for the citizens of our country to get into hiding, but by this time, they have been saying this for years. So, no one really took them seriously. We had all become complacent with our thoughts that a nuclear world war would ever transpire. Oh, how horribly wrong we were. On that fateful day, my wife and I were out enjoying a picnic looking out over the ocean. We had ourselves a nice pasta salad with our special homemade vinaigrette, some grilled ham and cheeses that we made on a portable hot plate and some quite refreshing blush champagne. We were talking about how we wanted to start a family but we needed to find a better home that would be suitable for more than just two people. We were dining and talking, smiling and laughing, having ourselves an amazing and unforgettable afternoon when our phones had beeped at us, telling us that we needed to get into hiding, that a war to end all wars, and civilizations was imminent. My wife and I looked at each other, held each other and kissed. We stood to our feet, my anxiety and fear causing my body to shiver like I was in the arctic and my wife, her beautiful blue eyes weeping because she knew we had nowhere to go. We were unfortunate and nowhere near well off to afford such a place like a bomb shelter, let alone one meant for nuclear fallout. So, we went to the only place we knew, our home. We sat there in waiting for what seemed an eternity. A bright flash radiated out on the horizon and I reached into my pocket and pulled out a gift I had forgotten to give her earlier. She opened the small velveteen box and with tears in her eyes, she took out the locket, opened it and saw a picture of the two of us. The locket was a rose gold heart, with a blue sapphire setting. As she was weeping, I helped her put it on. We kissed what would be our final kiss and goodbye. The shockwave of the blast had made our home shake like it was in the middle of an earthquake. We stumbled around trying to get to the bathroom, we didn’t have any better ideas. We grabbed a mattress and covered up in the tub. Our home, that we spent the last five years making our own, crumbling down all around us. Then everything went black.”

…

“I don’t know how long I was out for but when the sleep left my eyes and my brain woke up from its daze, our home was a skeletal ruin. Our neighborhood was nothing but a desert with ruins of homes scattered throughout. I pull myself out of the tub and grab my wife’s hand to help her out, but there was no response, no tightening of her fingers around mine. Her arm completely limp. I brush the dust and her hair out of her face. I caress her cheek, cold and pale, I see her eyes wide open and glazed over. No breath from her lips and no heart beat in her chest. Fear, anger, sadness and abandonment all washed over me as I saw the world, my world, lying lifeless in the bathtub. The tears washed over me as I grasped her locket and stared at it and brought it close to my lips. After taking a deep breath, I put her locket around my neck. I kiss her farewell, wipe the tears from my eyes and stand to my feet never to look back. I leave the house and see the world has become quite desolate and bland.”

…

“I leave the ruins of my house and see the neighborhood in shambles. Shadows of people painted along the pavement and walls of the homes like a community of ghosts sitting, standing, running like nothing had ever changed. My eyes crossing over this surreal mosaic I see a couple hugging. A tear rolls down my cheek because I wasn’t able to have an eternal embrace with my lovely one. I walk down the street of dust and rubble and see no signs of life anywhere, merely just shadows of their former selves locked in time. As the sun begins to set over the horizon, I realize I have no shelter to sleep the night away. I notice a clearing in the distance that seems like it would be a safe, temporary haven. I begin walking towards it and upon my approach, I notice a site of horror. Bodies charred and baked from the blast and more shadows burned along the foliage. ‘Ah well, at least I’ll have some company while I sleep’ I say to myself. I notice a canteen on one of the bodies and pick it up, unscrew the lid, and put it to my lips to drink. I didn’t care what was in it. Alcohol, water, poison, as long as it was wet and liquid, I would drink it and if it brought me closer to death, then so be it, at least I would be with her again. I wipe my mouth from the liquid that spilled out from my lips and breathe a sigh of relief. I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I had something to drink. I lie down with the corpses and release a sigh, kiss the locket and close my eyes for a deep sleep that I so desperately needed. The next few weeks, I continued to walk and feed on whatever I could catch, rats, dogs, cats, deer. It didn’t matter to me as long as I could eat. When food is scarce and hunger becomes quite fearsome, you’ll eat anything. Before long, I came across an encampment constructed of fallout shelters. I see people and families running around and having a good old time. Something that I wholeheartedly resent. These people with their lovers, with their friends and their family. Oh, how I hated them. Jealousy is a cruel mistress but I digress. It was a small settlement of about twenty people. Men, women and children ran amok in this place without a care in the world. They invited me in for a bite to eat, something to drink and a place to rest my weary head. We all enjoyed a nice dinner and a few drinks. These people had to be quite wealthy before the war because we had a feast fit for kings. When everyone went off to bed, I found myself restless and unable to sleep. I left my cot and began to walk around the camp. I noticed a machete in their makeshift kitchen and grasped it tightly. The hatred built up inside of me and I slaughtered them all. The food from their bodies lasted me quite some time.”

...

“Years have now passed and I have gone from settlement to settlement. Becoming more and more a monster. I came upon a new camp and they did what all the others had and let me in without realizing how much of a monster I am. They had a doctor that gave me a small checkup since I’ve been walking in the wasteland for years. He was curious why, and how, I was still alive when I was drinking irradiated water and eating animals with high levels of radiation. A couple days later the results came back and the radiation from the blast had caused a mutation in me. The more radiation I take in the longer I will live. If I happen to not take in enough radiation then I will eventually become a husk and die. So, I continue to feed on those that had damned me and my beloved. Though I yearn for death I wish for theirs far more. Sixty years have passed since that fateful day and every day I have asked myself why. Why am I still alive? Why did she have to die? Why couldn’t we be together for eternity like I had promised her? As I kneel here, sifting through the ashes of a time before, the downtown skyline, like tombstones looking over a cemetery I begin to reminisce about her, my guardian angel, and the life we never had. I’m nearing the precipice of eighty years old and yet, here I am, longing for a death that will never come. Yearning to be with her once more.” I reach around my neck and unclasp her locket and hold it in my hands. I bring the rose gold and sapphire heart to my lips and kiss it gently hoping that maybe the kiss will reach her. Releasing a long sigh, I place the locket back around my neck. I look at my new victim their hair a golden brown, their eyes a deep blue like the ocean, a scene of pure beauty, like her that was lost so long ago.

“I’m merely telling you this because there was a time when life was quite grand and I was truly happy but all of that is meaningless now. There is no more hope left in me that her and I will ever be again. All my tears have dried and my heart has shriveled. Never to feel the love of another ever again. I am a monster and it was the wealthy that had taken everything from me. You can cry, gasp or beg for me to release you but just know that your pleas will fall on deaf ears and a dead heart. For I have killed hundreds like you for taking everything from me.”

A smirk crosses my lips and I look at the one I am telling this story to. Fear permeates from their lips, tears running down their eyes. Silent sobs and whispers begging me to release them but to no avail.

“I used to be quite the lovely man and genuine human being but this world had distorted me. Turned me into a monster! I truly feel my end will never come, though I ache for it whole heartedly. To be with her, my world, once again and forever more but now all I do is tell my tale over and over again. I have to keep her memory alive in my head and in my heart. Her memory is all that causes my heart to beat. The only sliver of love, of hope, of decency that I have left and I have to keep that part of me alive so I can tell myself I’m not a truly terrible monster.”

I walk over to my captive and look them in the eyes as I gently move their head to the side and bite gently into their neck. The blood drawn giving me life and vigor once more. Their heartbeat slowing in my grasp until the body slumps over. I lay on the floor, my body engorged on their blood, a terrible and beautiful high, quite overwhelming every time. I lay there, blood drunk, I begin to cry as I gaze deeply at her locket and get a glimpse of myself in the sapphire. Some of their blood dripped on the heart, the blood left by me, a monster, who will forever stalk this world with no true hope of ever joining my beloved in the end.