Secured

The last time I saw my husband, he was in jail. I sent him there. After seven years of abuse, I was fed up. I felt sorry for him afterwards and visited him at the jail. He told me he was refusing his insulin, and food. He told me the shirt I was wearing looked slutty, but it was okay because," he liked it." He called me a few times, and every time I cried. I realized he would never do anything but make me sad.

Leaving abuse was harder than I thought it would be. I grew addicted to the misery. I lost sight of who I was, and forgot I had value. When the jail extradited him back to his home state, I thought it would get easier. But a new nightmare was beginning...

In jail, he sent me letters. Cryptic poems that sounded like veiled death threats. One of them talked about being buried like worms in the earth. I felt he was talking about me.

As soon as he was out of jail, my phone began ringing constantly. He called me until out of frustration, I picked up. I told him I could not talk to him. The sound of his voice made me cry. So he started texting, usually late at night when he was drunk and lonely. I was getting stronger every day. I decided to change my phone and get a new number. Then he called me at work. I told my coworkers to ask who was calling before getting me to answer. When he could not reach me at work, he called my parents (where I was living at the time) and demanded to speak to me. Thankfully, my Father told him I did not want to speak to him. My parents refused to change their number, so this continued for some time.

Mail came to my parent's house as well. I began to see that they were designed to bait me into talking to him. In one he admitted he was sleeping with a woman who I had caught him with at a bar, having drinks and huddled close. When "love" wasn't working, he resorted to spite.

Part of my healing from abuse was getting on Facebook and reconnecting with old friends. I posted frequently, without worry. My ex and I weren't Facebook friends. My kids and I took a vacation to the state where my ex was living, because it was a beach destination. I posted many pictures. When I returned, my ex sent me a message on my email. "I saw you were at the same beach I was, on the same day, and at the same time. Sorry I missed you." I knew immediately that I needed to change the settings on my Facebook, and learned how to block a person. Would the stalking never end? It had been nearly a year. Every time I thought I was secure, he found a way to reach me.

When we were together, he knew my email password. I began to worry that he could be stalking me on my email too. I considered making a new email, but my therapist suggested, "Reset your password." Good advice.

One year exactly after the day I called the police, July 3rd, I was granted a divorce. I call that day my Independence Day. He did not come to court, and I emailed him to tell him. He played nice, and seemed to finally get that we were over. Finally!

Update: three years later, he messaged my son, asking how I was doing. Then he messaged my daughter. I never turned back, and hopefully none of us will hear from him again.