Secrets to being a mathematician

So you want to be a mathematician.

Some say that being a mathematician is hard, but I would have to say that being a mathematician is quite simple-- peasy, even; once you get the hang of it. All you need to do is start off with is a bunch of numbered cards, have a somewhat basic knowledge of your digits, a little bit of rememberization skills, a reliable helper, and a cape. One with a bit of dazzle, if you can find it. (This has helped me perform tremendously.)

Once you have all of these things, you are well on your way to becoming as fabulous as myself. And with your luck, I, a mathematician influencer with eighty-nine ten followers, am willing to help guide you through it.

1.

The first thing you’ll want to do is gather. Gather all the numbered cards you have and flip them around. Shuffle them. Flip, and shuffle. Flip, shuffle. Shlip and fluffle. Flashufflip. When you are done with this lemon squeezy task, hold them all up so you are staring at the numbers. When you are ready, ask someone to pull a card. No, wait. That's not the way. Hold on.

#1.

Do the top part of that thing I just said. Mix it up and stuff. Give a little pizzazz to it if it's at all possible. Go. Go. Keep going. Now stop. So, now most of the cards should be co-mingling with each other. Some stacked on top some under top-- a bunch of them in different spots than the way you started off with. Now look carefully at them, only don't do it the number way where— like how I told you to do ‘em the first time. Do it so you can't see them. Hold the cards so where the numbers are no longer facing you. They're facing them. The people. Or helper person. Standing in front of you. Right there in front of you. And now, talking about the cards: the cards should be facing away from you and out at them. At the ones orbiting you the way the planets in outer space circle our planet of the earth.

#2.

I forgot to tell you to put your cape on. Put your cape on and smile, but do it before you do all that other stuff. Otherwise it just doesn't make sense.

#3.

You know what? Just switch off number two and number one.

#45.

This is where your digits and your rememberization skills kick in. So you know how the cards you just shuffled are numbered A to 10? You’re just going to lightly remove some of those cards and you are going to do it by using your first digit to point at the wall behind them. Them being the helpers. If there’s no wall, find a dog. If there’s no dog, find a tree. If there’s no tree, make something up. Just point randomly. Show them anything. Get them way involved in your illusioning. Get them to turn around and really stare. Obsess them with the object.

#7.

As soon as they’re distractionated, you're going to drop all of the cards except for three of them, and you're going to toss the bigger pile on the floor. You can also place that big juicy stack in your lap or something like that, just— don't. Stop. Pointing. Keep using that first digit to help them focus on the thing behind them.

#7.

While they are still distractionated you are going to peek at the three or so cards you still have left in your hand. This is where your rememberization skills should start kicking in.

#9.

Call their attention back to you by making kissy sounds and have them choose one of the three cards. Use your recall powers to shout out the number they chose. If you’ve got bad rememberings, use your thumb and middle digits to hang on to the number cards you don't know and loosen the one you DO remember. Make them take that one and only that one. Bonus points if you can recallinate the color and the suit they picked.

#8.

Watch them awe at you in wonder and take in the thunderous applause that is sure to follow. Use your cape for extra grand fortitude and exhibitions.

And, there you go.

They say a mathematician never reveals their secrets, but they were wrong. In the end, they were all wrong. Burden of proof is that they really don't know what they are talking about.

Thanks for getting through to me. And before you go: Don’t forget to like, subscribe, comment, and follow me for more tips and tricks!

#

Copyright M.Lee, 1/15/2026