Secrets Secrets

“Hun, did you pick up my allergy meds today?” Guy asks as he walks in the front door.

I carefully get up from the couch and walk toward the foyer. Son of a lying dog thinks I went out of my way to pick up his medicine? Tempering my anger, I place my hands on my hips and glare at him.

Walking towards me he pouts out his lower lip. “It’s okay if you didn’t. I’m sorry, I should have greeted you properly first.” Bending to a knee he wraps his arms around my bulging belly and places a kiss on it before standing and kissing my cheek. “Hello, gorgeous mama. How was your day? Would you like me to draw you a bath before I make dinner?”

The corners of my mouth betray me as they slowly rise into a grin. “You jerk. Don’t make me smile. I’m mad at you,” I say, folding my arms over my bump, I turn my face away.

“Aw, baby, what’s wrong?” he asks, leaning in and snuffling next to my ear.

Chuckling, I bat him away. “Stop it! You big, hulking liar with a fat mouth! I know your dirty little secret. How could you?”

All color leaches out of his face, throwing his hands up, he backs away from me. Sputtering, he says, “Cara-bear, just let me explain. I-I can explain, I promise. It’s really not as bad as you think it is.”

“Not as bad as I think it is?” I ask, cocking my head to the side.

He narrows his eyes and slowly asks, “What is it that you know?”

Huh, there’s more than one secret? “Everything. I found it all out. So, go on, try and explain.”

Taking my hand he leads me back to the couch and helps me lower myself down. “Cara, I need to know what you found out.” He rubs the back of his neck giving himself away.

“I told you: Ev-Er-E-Thang!” I huff. My heart pounds in my chest and tears well in my eyes. What he did shouldn’t elicit this big of a reaction. What did he do? Did he cheat on me? He wouldn’t. I’m carrying his baby for cripes sake!

“Care, there’s some things I can’t tell you. I mean, if you know then I’ll tell you everything. But, I need a clue as to what you know.” He sits down on the coffee table and levels his eyes on mine.

Panic builds up in my chest and Bean starts moving. Placing my hand on their foot as it rolls under my skin, I ask, “Do you still love me? Us?” My hands involuntarily wave around my expanded form.

“More than life itself. Please tell me what I did to upset you in the first place. I’ll do anything to make us okay again.” He leans forward and places his hand on mine, right over Bean's foot.

The dam breaks on my tears. Sobbing, I tell him, “You incurred a late charge on my books that you said you returned to the library. And I can’t borrow more until they’re returned and the fine is paid.” I’m all out wailing, but the more I think about how he has something even worse hidden from me causes my words to become unintelligible.

I hear his muffled chuckle and immediately fall back into pissed. These damn hormones are gonna be the death of me. Pushing his hand off me, I struggle to my feet. “Don’t you dare laugh at me! You tell me right now what you’re hiding. Or. Or, I swear Guy no middle name Gilbert, I will rip your office apart until I find out!”

“Care-bear–”

“Don’t you Care-bear me! I’m carrying your baby. You know how hard it is to make another human? It’s really freaking hard!” I slump back onto the couch and hide my face as the tears continue to roll down my cheeks.

“Cara May Gilbert, I vowed forever in any and every form. To me you are more beautiful today than the first day I met you. But... I can’t tell you my secret. And I beg of you, please don’t go looking for it. Some things are better left buried.” He rubs slow circles in my back and if I could stop crying, I’d tell him to take his secret and shove it where the sun don’t shine, but words won’t form through my choking sobs. “Let me run you that bath and I’ll order your favorite from China Yum. Okay?”

Having no fight left, I let him lead me upstairs to our master bathroom. A plan forming in my head.

***********

“Bye, my love. I’m gonna take my lunch break to sort out the library problem. You just rest today,” Guy says, kissing my forehead before he leaves for work.

I lay still until I hear the front door shut, then I roll out of bed and waddle to his home office. I know there has to be something in here that will shed light on his secret.

An hour later, I still haven’t found anything. Bean kicks and rolls, reminding me I should eat and take my vitamins. Maybe with a full belly my mama brain symptoms will subside.

“Jenny, I need some non-pregger eyes over here. Please come help me,” I say into my phone.

“Sure, sweetie. Dropping the kids off at school and then I’ll head right over. You okay?” my best friend since kindergarten asks.

I will the tears back and take a large bite of my bagel. Mouthful, I say, “Yerp. See ya shoon.” And I hang up. Jenny will know exactly where to look.

Bagel eaten, I’m waist deep in the fridge when Jenny walks into the kitchen. “Hey, mama’s. Did you lose the pickles?”

Mmm, pickles sound good. Head in the game, Cara! Pulling the jar out with me, I turn and look her in the eyes. “Guy has a secret. A huge secret that he says he can’t tell me. You, my bestie-best, are going to help me figure it out.”

“Ooo, this is gonna be fun!” she says, clapping a little too excited in my opinion.

“Now where do we start?” I take a bite of a pickle and point it at her as I crunch away. “Office was a dead end.”

“Sweetie, you are no sleuth.” Cracking her knuckles, she walks out of the kitchen. “Let a pro look.”

I quickly finish my pickle and put the jar away before waddling after her. As soon as I walk into Guy’s office I freeze. “What the freaking hell?”

“You didn’t know about this?” Jenny asks, waving at the door to a safe that was hidden behind a bookshelf.

“Obviously not! Open it!” I yell at her.

The look that crosses her face makes me want to scream. Damn this baby brain! How would she know the combination to my husband's secret room?

“We’ll try the obvious choices first. Wedding anniversary: seven, twelve, eighteen.” She spins the big dial and then tries the handle. Shaking her head, she says over her shoulder, “No worries, we’ll just try your birthday. One, twenty-eight, ninety-two.” The handle turns. “Ding, ding, ding we have a winner!”

As she pulls the heavy door open, I push my way into the secret room. “What is this?” There’s what looks like a tanning bed in the middle of the room and nothing else.

“Weird. Guy is super pale for being one of those guys…” Jenny inspects the bed, opening it like it might be hiding a bigger secret.

Instead of bulbs there’s a Guy-shape cutout and tiny holes with a peach rubbery solution. “I don’t understand.”

Jenny runs her hands along the walls, stopping to knock randomly. She smiles at me as she pushes and a hinged cupboard opens. “My, my, my Guy has gained some points with all this intriguing mystery he’s got.”

“Give me!” I yell as she pulls a manila folder out. Black dots taking over my vision is the last thing I remember.

*****

“Son of a biscuit eating porcupine covered whale! Damnit, Cara. Jenny, you can’t tell anyone what you saw. Promise me! Mother of glory. Fracken beckons!” Guy’s voice breaks through the fog in my mind.

Cracking my eyes open, I see Guy pacing and Jenny’s back blocking him from approaching me. My thoughts won’t come into focus no matter how hard I try to remember what landed me here in bed.

“How could you! You disgusting creep. You just wait until Cara wakes up. I’m taking her home with me and you will never see her again. Or the baby!” Jenny gasps and looks at me with fear radiating in her eyes.

“What?” I ask. My hands instinctively go to my belly to protect Bean.

Jenny grits her teeth and turns back to Guy. “You tell us everything. Now. Don’t you dare try to lie either.” She sits down in front of me and places her hand over mine.

“Guy?”

Running his hands through his hair and mussing it up, he continues to pace. “I never meant for any of this to happen. I never even meant to stay here this long. Stupid ship just had to crash. And then, well then I was at the mercy of Americans.”

“Because you’re a mother-loving ALIEN!” Jenny yells, squeezing my hand hard enough to make me flinch.

I push myself up into a sitting position, propped against the headboard. Alien. Okay, why is this such a big secret? “We’re married, Guy. Doesn’t that automatically make you a citizen? We can apply for a green card or something. I don’t understand why this is such a secret. And the room?” My brain chooses now to throw images at me: the weird tanning bed, the folder, the picture…

Slapping my hand over my mouth, I gag. Jenny rushes to grab my wastebasket and holds it under my face. Goodbye bagel. Hello and goodbye pickle. “Bean?” I manage to gurgle out as bile continues to violently dispel from me. What the almighty funkle is Bean?

Guy holds his hands out in front of him and moves slowly towards us. “Cara-bear, it’s okay. I’m the same person you fell in love with. Bean will be no different than any other baby, I swear. Let me start at the beginning.”

“That’d be nice, you moron,” Jenny says, once again positioning herself between us.

Giving me a heartbreaking smile, Guy begins his story: “I was born on a planet that Earth will never discover no matter how long they search for it. When I was around twenty-five Earth years old, I stole a ship. Little did I know that it was in for repairs.” He pauses and chuckles sadly. “I crashed. I must have been detected on some radar because almost immediately the military showed up. They confiscated my ship and gave me two options. After months of interrogation, I chose the best option for me: point out all alien life forms on Earth by becoming a spy for them.”

“How old are you on your planet?” I ask, wiping my mouth with the tissues Jenny thrusts into my hand. Oh my goodness, did I fall in love with a five hundred year old alien?

“Earth and Cognyuriet have different years. You are technically older than me, but we form differently so age and maturity aren’t comparable.”

“How old are you?” I ask again.

Jenny whips around and stares with her mouth agape. “Cara, don’t you think there’s a bigger question you should be asking?” Her eyes dart to Bean.

Biting my lip, I look back at Guy. My sweet, caring husband. I knew the second I laid eyes on him that he was my one and only. His stupid crooked smile, the way his eyes light up in excitement over the silliest of things, how he confuses sayings and repeats it when I fall into giggles, and most of all the way he never makes me wonder if I’m loved. And I know he loves me with every fiber of his being.

“How do you know Bean won’t–” I can’t say it. That photo pops into my head again: red skinned, a mouth full of sharp rows upon rows of teeth. Cripes, there was a flipping tail!

“My form replicates the DNA of whatever species I emulate. Bean is one hundred percent human. I am one hundred percent human. That picture was before I had acclimated. You will never see it again, hunny. I swear. Please? Please don’t leave me. I love you more than anything.” Guy falls to his knees in the middle of our bedroom and cries.

My heart breaks. Jenny can’t watch as he falls apart either, choosing to look at me with pity instead. My face heats and I clench my jaw. How dare she judge me? Her marriage isn’t perfect either. A smile takes over her face. Giggles bubble up in my chest. Jenny snorts. “So, Guy, is this where you zap my memories? Or wait, wait, better yet: Where’s the men in black to do it for you?”

I guffaw, grabbing my stomach, I lean my face into Jenny’s shoulder. “Is there a mother ship?” I squeak out.

Guy looks between the two of us, confusion written all over his face. Then, a twinkle in his eye as he begins chuckling. “Nah, it didn’t work the last eight times. You smart cookies keep blowing my cover!”

His words should scare me, at the very least cause some unease, but the gigglefest has no end in sight.

********

“Hun, did you pick up my allergy meds today?” Guy asks as he walks in the front door.

I carefully get up from the couch and walk toward the foyer. Son of a lying dog thinks I went out of my way to pick up his medicine? Tempering my anger, I place my hands on my hips and glare at him.

Walking towards me he pouts out his lower lip. “It’s okay if you didn’t. I’m sorry, I should have greeted you properly first.” Bending to a knee he wraps his arms around my bulging belly and places a kiss on it before standing and kissing my cheek. “Hello, gorgeous mama. How was your day? Would you like me to draw you a bath before I make dinner?”

The corners of my mouth betray me as they slowly rise into a grin. “You jerk. Don’t make me smile. I’m mad at you,” I say, folding my arms over my bump, I turn my face away.

“Aw, baby, what’s wrong?” he asks, leaning in and snuffling next to my ear.

Chuckling, I bat him away. “Stop it! You big, hulking liar with a fat mouth! I know your dirty little secret. How could you?”

“Oh, sweetie, you said you weren’t going out today. I promise I’ll go to the library first thing in the morning. We should have Jenny and her family over this weekend for a barbeque. Bean will be here anytime and I want you to enjoy the end of your pregnancy,” Guy says, he kisses my cheek and heads toward the kitchen. “Chicken parm for dinner?”

I smile so big my chipmunk cheeks threaten to blind me. “Yes, please. Hey, you.”

Guy turns around and smiles back at me. “Yes?”

“Sure do love you.”

“Most, longest, best,” he replies.

“Nuh-uh. Forever and always,” I answer and stick out my tongue.

His eyes twinkle and he blows me a kiss before entering the kitchen to make my favorite dinner.