Second Chance At First Love

Life simply did not go according to plan for Marilyn. She watched jealousy as others passed by, seeming to have it all. It was easier when her children were still at home, small and completely reliant on her to care for them. She was too busy to notice the emptiness that lurked deep down inside. But they had grown up and moved on, now busy chasing their own children, living their own lives hundreds of miles away. Now Marilyn’s life had devolved into the mindless monotony of scanning other people's purchases for eight hours before diving into take out while watching reruns of old sitcoms on TV. Both in the store and on the screen, Marilym watched others live the life she never had. She often felt it was fitting how the yellow fluorescent lights overhead washed out her features, making her look ordinary and plain, just another forgettable face.

A young couple came through her line at the store. She couldn't be sure, but the way the woman rested her hand on her stomach led Marilyn to suspect they were expecting their first child. The only thing they were buying was a giant tub of ice cream. The man had his arm around the woman's waist, and kept stealing glances at her, as though he needed to reassure himself she was still happy and safe. Marilyn watched them leave. He carefully held the door open for her, leading her through the parking lot around a puddle, helped her into the car, and then kissed her softly before shutting the door. There was something about the way he looked at her, the gentleness of his hand on hers, that spoke volumes of his devotion. Marilyn was certain she had never been loved like that.

But as it often did a memory boiled up from the depths where she had banished it. There had been a time once, really only a moment, that she thought she might have a chance at great love.

More than thirty years ago, she worked as a waitress in a diner near the local army base. Every day a group of soldiers came in for breakfast and insisted on sitting in her section. They all flirted harmlessly with her and she bantered back with them casually. They were funny and kind. As the year passed, she found she looked forward to 8:15 every morning when they'd shuffle through the door.

One, in particular, always caught her eye. He had blonde wavy hair and crystal blue eyes with a smile that felt both mischievous and gentle. He tended to be much quieter than the rest of them. But when he spoke, he commanded everyone else's attention. They had to stop and listen not because he demanded it, but because everyone knew he never said anything unless it was worth hearing. She knew, like most of the soldiers, he was married with a family. But every once in a while she thought his eyes lingered just a little longer than they should. Hers definitely did.

Not surprising, he was the only one who noticed how upset she was that last morning. She tried not to let it show, but she knew her smile wouldn't reach her eyes and her hands kept shaking.

“Hey, Marilyn,” her heart skipped as she heard his voice say her name. “What's wrong today? You seem upset about something?”

“It's nothing,” She tried to paint a smile on her lips, but could feel the tears pooling in her eyes.

“Don't give us that nonsense!” His eyes were full of genuine concern. “We're your friends. Go on, tell us. Maybe we can help. If it's some jerk, we'll take care of him.”

Marilyn laughed in spite of herself. She had no doubt they would in fact defend her honor if needed.

“No, it's no man, it's my damn car,” Marilyn sighed. “The transmission went out yesterday. I don't have the money to fix it and I was supposed to drive out to my parents in Idaho tonight. My Ex had the kids for the last few weeks and he didn't want to drive all the way here so he left them at my parents. The plan was to go out for the holidays and bring the kids back with me.” Marilyn choked on the next sentence. “But now…”

“Hell, that's no problem,” he smacked the table and his face broke into a giant grin. “I'm headed home today for leave and I gotta go through Idaho to get there. I don't mind a detour to your parents. We can't have you missing Christmas with your children!”

That afternoon, Dean picked her up in his jeep and loaded her bags into the back. Marilyn gratefully climbed into the front and they headed out. Immediately, she realized how different this felt than all those mornings in the diner. There were no other soldiers or customers there to act as a buffer. Now with just the two of them, all she could think of were those moments their eyes lingered just a little too long. At first the silence was awkward and heavy, full of forbidden intensity.

But then the snow began to fall, wrapping them in a white cocoon of isolation and blocking out the rest of the world. Together they slipped into a conversation as comfortable as a soft down blanket. As was his nature, Dean said little, but when he spoke he opened a door with his carefully chosen words and invited Marilyn to fill the silence with all the stories she bottled up. He listened attentively and unlike others noticed how she masked her trauma and glossed over her pain. That's when he'd speak, gently leading her backward to those hollow moments and making it safe for her to finally whisper her truths. She found no judgement, only understanding, when she spoke of things nice girls were never supposed to say aloud.

The drive took six hours but went by far too quickly. Marilyn had never felt seen and heard like this before.

As much as she missed her children, when they pulled into her parents driveway, she just couldn't bring herself to get out of the jeep. She awkwardly looked down at her lap, searching for the words she wanted to say but knowing she shouldn't.

And then she felt his hand on hers, gentle and warm. Their hearts beat in synch and their souls reached for each other. No one had ever touched her so intimately before that moment. She looked up into his beautiful blue eyes and saw exactly what she was feeling reflected back at her.

“You are so special Marilyn. You've been through so much and you just keep going. Promise me you'll never settle for a man who doesn't see how wonderful you are ever again. You deserve…”

The snow stopped falling and the light from the porch broke through their cocoon. He turned his face away from hers and looked at his wedding ring. When he spoke again his voice was different, more distant. “You deserve to be loved the way I love my wife.”

The spell of the snowstorm shattered. Reality fell back in place and there was no point in saying what she really wanted.

“I promise,” she muttered instead. “Thanks for the ride, and for listening.”

She let go of his hand and got out of the car. He unloaded her bags and carried them to the door. He walked back to the jeep and just before he got in, he looked back at her. Their eyes lingered just a little too long, and then he was gone. She never saw him again.

Marilyn helped several more customers during her shift, but she didn't really see any of them. Her mind kept wandering back to that snowy evening when she thought Dean almost loved her. She had remembered her promise over the years. There had been plenty of men who wanted to use her, but none of them ever saw her. So she had spent most of her adult life alone.

She was so lost in thought as her shift neared the end that she didn't notice the last man in line watched her with gentle eyes. She only saw his groceries as she passed them over the scanner. She took his money without looking up and was handing back his change when she felt his hand on hers, gentle and warm. For the first time she looked up and saw his crystal blue eyes, familiar despite the wrinkles in the corners. His wavy blond hair had turned silver and thin, yet her heart still skipped a beat at that comfortable, mischievous grin. Time stood still and the rest of the world faded away. Their hearts beat in unison and their souls reached out to each other.

“Do you remember me?” He whispered as though afraid of her reply.

For the first time in decades, Marilyn felt seen. “Of course.” She whispered back.

“I’m in the area for a few days and hoped…” he began timidly. “I thought it would be nice to catch up over dinner.”

“I get off in a few minutes.” Marilyn’s heart pounded wildly in her chest. Then she glanced down and her heart sank. He was still wearing a ring on his left finger. “Will your wife be joining us?”

Dean’s eyes misted over. “I lost her last year.”

“I'm so sorry,” she gave his hand a small squeeze.

“She was sick for a very long time and losing her has been hard. I miss her so much,” Dean's voice cracked with emotion. There was a long pause. Marilyn hoped but didn't dare expect to hear his next words when they finally came. “But I think I'm ready, now, to share my life with someone else.”

Marilyn looked up. Their eyes met, this time they didn't linger too long. They held tight to each other's gaze and to each other's hand. Once again, it felt as though it was just the two of them, separated from the rest of the world. Marilyn knew then she would never have to let go again and for the rest of their lives she would always be seen.