Sandpaper Skin

It is said that we have explored more of our known universe then we have our oceans. I used to try to explain to people that it was all about pressure. In space it’s like a vacuum so you need a vessel that can withstand and navigate the vast reaches that have no pressure. While in the ocean the deeper you go the more pressure there is. Finding something that can withstand the pressure of the deepest depths of the ocean. In 2019 Victor Vescovo became the first person to reach the deepest points of all five oceans. I remember watching it on CNN and while people marveled at it around me, I was thinking about the fact that we still have eighty percent left to explore.

As a child I always felt the ocean as a calming presence. That it was a life force of its own. Even after almost being swept out by the tide at Bodega Bay in California when I was three, I never feared the waves of the deep. I did however learn to respect it and all that it holds.

Getting older my friends and family always looked at me a little funny when we would go camping near lakes or any body of water. Since I would watch Jaws every single time. For most children at a young age the movie instilled a fear of sharks. For me however it opened my eyes to how extraordinary this apex predator truly is. The way they move, the way they hunt, the way they live and so little we know about them. I devoured (pun intended) everything that I could find about them. Reading about their lateral line which allows them to feel vibrations in the water knowing direction and how much movement something is making. How their taste buds can identify what they are eating while they eat it. Do not get me started about their other senses like electro-reception.

Then I began to read about the fear. People's lack of understanding about these powerful creatures that bring balance to our oceans. I read about how fishermen after the book and the movie Jaws came out hunted them ruthlessly. How most viewed them as mindless eating machines instead of the astoundly brilliant creatures they are. I learned about the fin trade for traditional medicines and other things. I have seen pictures and videos of markets with rows upon rows of fins. Being listed as an endangered species, these people should be prosecuted but little or nothing is done since the wildlife trade is low on the totem pole of things to take care of.

My friend laughed at how excited I got for Shark Week on Discovery Channel. During that week every day I give them a new shark fact, I have been doing that for the past nine years. The year that I failed to do it worried them all. I tell people that it’s kinda like my Christmas. The Great White has been deemed as my spirit animal. During my college years I had a shirt made that said, “I don’t know why people get bitten by sharks … Don’t they hear the music?” People would giggle when they read it. Then came the tattoo. It’s a sun and moon combination surrounded by the quotes “Live by the Sun, Love by the Moon, Move with the Sea to set your Soul Free”. Moving from below are four sharks swimming upwards beginning to circle the words. When the tattoo artist asked why I picked the quotes and the sharks, why I didn’t go with dolphins or something that people love? I told him that I had seen the quotes throughout my life and they had always stayed with me. The sharks I have no words to explain why loving a creature that is so misunderstood is important to me. Why I need to have it on me for my soul to feel whole. That is why I booked this trip.

Sitting on the upper deck of the charter that is filled. I am at one with the ocean. Granted it’s on a boat that is fitted out with everything, but still, in the late night hours I sit alone hear the sea as it dances under the moonlight with stars as far as the eye can see. Six day is all that you get. The first day the ship anchored after a full day on the water. After leaving port you laughed slightly as you watched some people turn slightly green. You really should not laugh at how unprepared people are for the sea. Feeling so at home on it, you smirk as you think to yourself that maybe in another life you were a mermaid. People say that they don’t exist but remembering that we have yet to explore eighty percent of the big blue, maybe they could.

You have already had breakfast before every other passenger. Being a single instead of a couple means a lot of different things. Watching one of the instructors walking towards you, you look up into the sky letting out a deep breath, “Are you nervous about diving today?” You smile at her shaking your head, “No,every cell in me is humming with excitement.” Sitting across from you she smiles, “Truth be told, the excitement never leaves me.” “I would hope so. I mean what you probably come out on charters about three quarters of the month. Aside from the beast that I am sure some people are, you get to see an apex predator in its natural element. You are the one caged while they are free to be free.” Tilting her head she uses her right hand to hide the smile, “It was Diana, right?” “Good memory. And you are Lara, correct?” “I am. Any plans while you are waiting for the rest of the group to rise?” Holding up three books she laughs, “You came prepared. Most people fail to understand that you have to take turns. So why not a double? Why single?” “This is something I needed to do just for me. As for the single part, I guess that I am waiting for my person.” Standing she lets out a deflated breath. Trying to repress the smirk because you know that she is fishing you shake your head, “Besides it’s hard to find someone who understands loving someone for who they are and not what gender they were born into.” You watch her brow furrow as she nods, “I should go and help get things ready.” “Busy day.” “Yeah.” She draws out the word then tugs the inside corner of her lip. Nodding, she walks away causing you to smile.

Pulling the wetsuit over your five-ten frame, you are definitely glad that you own your own. It fits like a glove and watching the other struggle slightly you have to turn to look out at the ocean. Out of the corner of your eye you see Lara turning as you look at her. Nodding towards the others she rolls her eyes which you turn away from not to laugh out loud. Pulling your almond colored hair into a ponytail you let out a deep breath, turning when one of the other instructors whistles, giving instructions. Twenty minutes is all you get each time you get into the cage. With a group of Fifteen you are grouped into sets of five. The most senior instructor assigns each group their dive master. Your group is third to dive with Lara as your leader. You make ideal chatter with the others in your team from time to time but your eyes, your eyes are always on the water.

Standing on the platform you are the last to get into the cage before it is lowered. You are sure that every shark in the Pacific Ocean can hear your heart beating ready to burst through your chest. Hoping in the cage begins to sink. Looking at the other five people in the cage, your focus shifts down. All of them are looking out of the sides but you know that they like the depths better. The group keeps on tapping you to see the ones moving curiously around the cage. You can feel it though, you can feel her. The lightness of her huge belly lets you know that she will be and most likely with her size has been a mother before. Feeling a tap on your back you see Lara asking if you are okay. Pointing down she looks, with wonder in her eyes she looks back at you. Watching her rise up from the depths she moves right past you gracefully, slowly. Her blue almost black eyes remind you of the sky at twilight. When they meet yours, the world and everything in it stands still. Circling around she looks at you again. With the clear sky above the light allows you to see her eye shifting back to you as she dives down. Feeling the cage begin to rise you watch her leave back into the depths that she came from.

The excitement about seeing her is talked about throughout the remainder of the trip. Every other day was the same, Lara and you had breakfast together. The entire group dived all day only breaking for lunch and when needed. Every night Lara and you talked under the stars until exhaustion from the day seeped into the night. The mother shark stayed hidden, until your last night there. That night they gave you the option to cage dive at night. Being in the cage at night did allow a slight bit of fear to creep in. The darkness surrounded you, even with the lights on the cage casting shadows through the water. Your eyes were focused on the outside of the cage walls and not below. With your back to one of the walls you all felt the shift. Only Lara, yourself and two others decided to brave the night. Turning you lock eyes with her in the dark. All fear left and for one moment you were at peace. Reaching out as she continues to brush the cage, your fingertips brush her sandpaper skin. Watching Laras hand move her fingers lacing between yours she slowly brings your hand back. Then it all was over.

Arriving home, you like most people do not unpack your bag right away. Getting your mind back into your life in a landlocked state has you trying to figure out how to move closer to your calm, your peace, the ocean. After a week you look at the bag still sitting next to your bedroom door. Getting up you begin to unpack, opening the front zipper pocket last knowing that only your books are held in it, you pull them out. Tossing them on the bed you see a folded paper slide out. Trying to remember what you wrote on it you walk over to the bed sitting down as you open it,

Diana,

When I watched you touch our girl, it took my breath away. If she could have let out a deep breath while closing her eyes, I swear she would have. I know that I would. If you would like to chat under the stars again, my number is at the bottom. I have a satellite phone, so you can get me anywhere.

The ocean misses you as do I,

Lara

616-664-0003

Doing the math in your head you dial. It takes two rings. Hearing her pick up a smile spreads over your face. “Hey.” “Hi.” “Are you on the water?” “Yeah, second group since you.” “I just unpacked my bag.” Her laugh reminds you of the waves, “Really, you are one of those people?” “I sure am. How is our girl?” “She disappeared, kinda like you.” “Well if you see her, let her know that I will be home soon.”