S A F E T R A V E L S

Change your life. You can change your life. Whatever you want to do it’s possible. The impossible is possible.

***

Brian Wilson once said he wasn’t made for these times... Either he is ahead or not caught up. I relate to that.

As I got older, things got weirder. Family members and extended family members would always bring up my great aunt. How much I reminded them of her. How I looked like her. I was named after her… but I never met her. She died before I was born.

She died suddenly as a young adult. Some people think she killed herself others wondered if she was abducted. My grandmother lost her mind and she was the matriarch of the family. She would never accept that Kitty died.

Kitty was her nickname. Her real name was Victoria and that is my name. No one calls me Kitty because it’s too painful but I had her heart-shaped locket that was engraved with her name on it. Inside the locket is a picture of a kitten… she must of put it in there. She was known for her sense of humor...so I’ve heard. I don’t wear it around my family either…

I studied neuroscience…I fell into it… college was strange for me… I felt so unconnected to social media, my peers… I buried myself in books and that always worked. Just keep reading and learning and everything will figure itself out. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do exactly.

I was in my thesis year when my advisor sat me down, she knew something was off. I was very interested in the work but I wasn’t sure what was my next step… Masters, Ph.D. Research... a life of studying.

We got into a long conversation about theory and she asked me how I felt about neuro pathways. Can a person change? Can a person make themselves change? Change the grooves in their brain to think differently. Oh god, I wanted to think differently.

She saw the lightbulb turn on in my head… the life flowed back to my checks… I was listening and ready to hear more. She asked me if I wanted to join her on a retreat that would make us participate in an experiment.

I had nothing else going on. Literally, nothing else going on in my life. I tried to imagine what it was gonna be. I was thinking this was gonna be like an ayahuasca session. Or maybe new technology involving VR or AI.

It felt less scientific and more spiritual...I tried not to roll my eyes at first. It felt like something that was sponsored by a celebrity wellness brand. We were in the woods. When we arrived we had to put our phones and wallets in a locker designated for our things. My advisor seemed to know a few people… it was unclear if she did this before.

On the first day, we had a digital detox and work on clearing our minds. We were sent to areas sectioned off by curtains and dim lighting. And stayed there isolated for hours maybe it was days. Food was available to us when we wanted. We also were asked to not talk to one another if possible. Finally, we were summoned out of our sections to a group circle by a gong.

We were instructed to sit in a circle but to face outward. We were walked through guided meditations while different binaural beat frequencies played in the background.

“Change your life” in a calm tone from our leader. “You can change your life. Whatever you want to do it’s possible. The impossible is possible.” She continues after a deep breathing sequence. "Through guided meditation, you will put yourself in a theta state."

I am not great at meditating. I am too self-aware. I know so many people say that but being a neuroscience major doesn’t make it easy. I might be too much of a cynic. However, in a couple of days in I was bored by the fact that my mind was ready to be guided. This was a process for manifestation. I quickly found out the other women wanted to change professions, find love, make more money to travel. I had to figure out what I wanted to manifest. I focused on the meditations. We were all reprograming our subconsciouses to believe that our manifestations were not only possible but we already had what we wanted. Oddly enough, the science part made sense to me. It is possible to train your brain… it is not easy but possible. Without outside distractions or influences, we can believe whatever we want. This is on par with Stockholm syndrome or any type of military manipulation… however I guess this was the positive side; Being the influencer and the influenced: all in one. We were all allowed to frolic in this suggestive state to manipulate our own feelings, perspectives, and emotions. Through this, we can have the life we desire.

I mastered the technique but was ashamed to say I didn’t have a clear goal in mind. I didn’t know my desire and I kept that to myself. My advisor seemed relaxed she must have known what she wanted to manifest. We didn’t talk about what we wanted we just discussed on the ride home if we thought it was effective. We both agreed it could be effective and it would be interesting if a subject did this work for longer periods… months… years… like a new or something. We did laugh and poke fun about some of the moments and then I wonder then again if it was just a gimmick. My advisor the next day sent me an email and said she would be taking a sabbatical. She proposed that we should visit the retreat again in the spring. I said yes since it was so far down the future. I figured I would be available, no one anticipated a pandemic that would shut down the world. The retreat was canceled and I forgot about the technique. I forgot about it all.

***

During the pandemic, I was suicidal… not because I was sad about isolation. But just I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to do next.

I liked being remote I didn’t want to see people or have things open up. So many just wanted to travel… I heard a joke about time-traveling warning everyone about the virus… would we even of listened? There are still so many people who don’t even believe it’s real.

Like Kitty’s death. Could I prevent it? Probably not? Could I find out the truth, about what happened to her? At least closure… I became fixated on this closure… in a time where everything was so uncertain. Maybe if I learned what happened it would give me peace and family peace. I read about generational trauma… I feel like I’m at the age that she died and now I feel like I cannot imagine my life continuing. I must continue through somehow.

I received an e-mail from my advisor: a check-in during these times. She was okay but very scared of the virus. Her elderly parents were immunocompromised so she moved back home to take care of them. She sent me a link of updates from the retreat: all the things that the women manifested. I clicked on a video of testimonials… it all came back to me. There was also a link for a new guided meditation that focused on deep clarity on intentions. I put it on.

I let my mind wander to find something I could try to control. A challenge in confinement. Traveling back in time to the before times. Change my life. I didn’t want to go back to the early aughts but further.

If on this retreat women were able to manifest their career, love, and travel dream why couldn’t I take it a step further with the power of neuroscience to travel back in time. Anything is possible.

I had to train my sub-conscience. Really believe not believe but feel known this was my truth. I knew I had to get very clear in my head… it would be too hard to visualize or deeply understand her hometown. I only visited once or twice and there are only a few handful pictures from that time.

One picture I was given was of her at World’s Fair at the Space Needle. She also sent a postcard to my mother from there. My mom had it framed and it was in my bedroom growing up. I knew that image so clearly… it was one of my first memories.

I knew what I could do. I emailed my advisor back. I told her that I was going to quarantine in Seattle. The city cleared out and I found a hotel that was offering an extended cheap deal for anyone to stay since their business was affected by the lack of travelers. I researched the hotel ––– it was an apartment complex in the sixties and still had a lot of the original features. It was preserved and that was perfect for me. I didn’t really go into detail I just said I would keep her updated. I asked for her address and said I would send a postcard. She responded back with her childhood address and signed her email off with: “Safe Travels!”

***

In Emerald City, life was grey. Things with the virus became worse… I was afraid that I would have caught it on my travels but I was extremely safe. I wore two masks and kept to myself except for one errand. I stopped by a vintage store that was closed inside but offered curbside assistance. I told the cashier to just bring me any dress she could find from the late 50s - early 60s. She gave me two options one from 1957 and one from 1964. The ‘64 wouldn’t work. The 1957 one looked like sad secretary garb. Perfect. I purchased 1957 through an app on my phone and headed to my hotel.

I heard of civil unrest in the city. There were protests for racial justice and against police brutality. The streets were monitored, it truly felt like the end times... Curfews were issued but that didn’t affect me. I locked myself in my hotel room with food, water, and research of the 1962 World’s Fair unveiling the Space Needle. Turning my phone off helped with my quest and also blocked out all the bad news. I was living in my own reality.

I would wind down my days looking at the postcard from my childhood bedroom. I studied everything about it. The Penmanship. Kitty’s signature and the date. June 27th, 1962.

It was like I was there. It was like I can feel it because I was there.

***

Today I am here… I am where I wanted to be. I made my way to the Space Needle… Am I hallucinating? I don’t care… I am here. I am believing it because I want to. The place is bustling and I fit in with the latest fashionable dress. Glad I wore it because it is hot and I can feel the sweat down my legs. I go to the gift shop and look at each postcard for probably hours. Workers looked at me with concerned eyes but then something else would distract them. I oscillated between reading postcards until I finally am confronted by a worker.

“Need any help miss?” The worker says knowing that I am in over my head. He probably thinks I am lost. I shake my head no. I hear a voice interrupt us.

“Great, then because I need your help, both of you actually.” I turn around and see a bright young woman holding up two postcards. She has a glowing smile.

“Which one should I send to my niece? She’s very young and not sure if she can read yet”. This is Kitty. She does a little dance showing off each postcard to see which works for us.

I am stunned. Kitty and I lock eyes. Like our souls communicate. She looks deeply at me and steps closer. She reaches over and touches the locket I am wearing. Her locket. The Kitty locket.

“Kitty? That’s my name! I love this, where did you get it?” she asks.