Rx

One

The ice cold rain beat Amber in the face as she rushed from her beat up old Ford Taurus to the main entrance of the apartment complex. The door to the main lobby opened with a horrendous squeal, a mix of sewage and other peoples cooking taking over for the raindrops. “Damn, I wonder if they will ever get shit fixed around here.” She grumbled. The floor of the lobby was flooded out, as it normally was during heavy rain. She allowed the heavy door to slam behind her as she made her way up the stairs to her third floor apartment.

She reached the landing to find a large box sitting outside the door with a few letters laid lazily on top. She grabbed her house keys from her worn out leather mini backpack to unlock the door only to discover it to be open. Immediate panic consumed her whole body. She carefully placed the keys back into her bag and pulled out a three inch switchblade. She tucked it into her coat sleeve and slowly opened the door.

The apartment was dimly lit by a single lightbulb over the small kitchenette. It was quiet, almost too quiet. “Amber is that you!?” A almost panicked voice called from down the short hallway.

Amber jumped, almost dropping her blade, “yeah Jay, its me, everything okay babe!?” She didn’t want to go rushing towards the room, just in case.

“I’m fine, can you get in here, I need your help.” Jay’s voice was strained but laced with irritation.

Amber closed the blade and slipped it into her pocket and made her way into their back bedroom. The main area of their apartment was small but that was the price they paid for the oversized master bedroom and large guest bedroom next to it.

As Amber entered the room a stench of feces and sweat wafted around her. She pulled her arm to her nose and coughed. “What the fuck.” Her husband Jay lay in the small hospital bed. He was dripping with sweat, pale, and from the looks of things he had been laying like this for awhile.

“That fucking stupid girl from the agency had an emergency and ran out of here before I could even get a word in.”

“Why didn’t you call me!?” Amber hollered from the bathroom as she got damp rags prepared to clean him up.

“Your giving this girl too much credit already, she didn’t leave the phone.”

Amber returned with a basin, various cloths and a change of clothes in hand. She set it on the bedside table and proceeded to undo the soiled linens. “Once I’m done cleaning you up I am calling them and demanding an explanation.”

“They don’t have one. They will give you some half cocked excuse then send another useless body in here.”

“I’m sure you are unfortunately right but they need to hear about this, the damn girl didn’t even lock the door. You know how I feel about that.” She lifted Jays shirt up and over his head then proceeded to wash his body with soapy water. She grumbled at the sight of his red, patchy, irritated skin and colostomy bag that was half off his abdomen with loose stool covering him. “Do we have another wafer I wonder.” She muttered to herself.

“I think we have one more in the drawer…” Jays voice trailed off. He looked sadly at his wife, her once bright blue/ grey eyes were tired. The stress had caused fine wrinkles to consume her once young complexion.

“Hey..” her sweet, dainty voice drug him out of his own head. She gave him a light peck on the cheek before returning to changing the bedsheets. “I am ok.”

A small grin spread across his face, her kisses were like little zaps of electricity dancing across his skin. He let out a sigh, “you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“Well if we could get some decent help around here I wouldn’t have to.” She guided his arms through an old T-shirt and pulled it over his head. She fixed his golden blonde hair into place. “I am going to roll you over to pull this shirt down, okay?”

He made a slight nodding motion with his head, “you know what I mean…”

“For better or worse, remember?” She grunted as she moved his stiff body onto one side and back the other way. This never used to be so hard but with the lack of help, or at least, decent help his body had become less flexible. Many of his muscles had now atrophied and refused to move from their locked position. Years ago he had some movement in his right arm but that was all but gone. “The wound on you right hip looks like shit.” She growled at the red, oozing open sore that had practically overtaken his hip and upper thigh. She rolled him back onto his back with a small thud. “This bed could also use replacing.”

“I could use replacing.”

Jays words cut her like a knife. They were cold, emotionless. “Stop it!” She yelled slamming the wet rags into the laundry basket in the back of the bedroom. She grabbed the supplies needed to change his colostomy bag setup and tossed them on the end on the bed. She took the wash basin back into the bathroom and practically threw it into their shower. She braced herself on the cold porcelain sink, allowing her emotions to consume her momentarily. She looked into the mirror and groaned, jay was right, though he didn’t say it she could tell by the way he looked at her, she looked like shit. Her once vibrant blonde hair fell listlessly to her shoulder, dark bags consumed her once bright blue eyes and wrinkles had begun to fill in the corners of her eyes and bridge of her nose.

She took a deep soothing breathe in an attempt to pull herself together. As she entered the doorway to the bedroom once again Jay glanced over to her. His eyes were filled with tears, her composure went straight out the window. Her own tears fell rapidly from her eyes. She walked over to him, pushed the table out of her way and crawled into bed with him. Careful to avoid the overfilled poo bag that she had momentarily secured onto him she laid her body on top of his, with her ear right on his chest. She listened to his slow, diminished breathes and almost matching heartbeat. He slowly brought his hand to the nape of her neck. “I’m sorry Amber.”

She hugged his frail body as tight as she could without feeling like she was hurting him, “I love you. I made a vow to you.”

“You deserve so much more than this life.”

She propped herself up on her wrists so she was directly above his face. She took one hand and began running it through his now unruly hair. His brown eyes fluttered shut and she felt his tense body seem to relax. “Don’t you think that’s my choice to make.” She almost whispered and she kissed him gently on the forehead. He grunted but did not respond further than that. She kissed him all over his face, forehead, cheek, nose, until she melted into his lips. He slowly opened his mouth allowing her tongue to wrestle with his. He let out a soft moan as he did his best to wrap his arm around her and pull her into him. Their passion filled moment was cut short by the sound of his pulse-ox beeping, time for a breather. She kissed him slowly a few more times before leaning her forehead against his, their exasperated breaths in sync. “You still know just what to do to get me going.” He smiled into her half open mouth, “I love you so fucking much.” He practically gasped.

Amber crawled off of him and began changing the colostomy bag. She laughed at how she had once been completely grossed out by the idea of it but now it was probably her biggest godsend. Before the bag they would have to do what was called a bowel routine three nights a week. This involved lots of miralax, suppositories and manual stimulation of the bowels. Now whenever

He went to the bathroom it simply flowed into a pouch that attached to the side of his abdomen. The pouch got emptied once a day or so and the wafer (where the bag connects to the body) every couple of days. Unfortunately with the shitty state medical insurance in combination with a shortage of medical supplies they’ve had to make things stretch. It was to the point now where they were barely making it month to month without running out.

By the time she finished the change and cleaned up his vitals had returned to normal and the machines had stopped beeping. She made sure he was comfortable in bed, tv on his favorite show then made her way into the main part of the apartment to call the home health staffing agency. It wasn’t quite four o’clock yet so she hoped someone would answer.

The line trilled three times before the familiar chirp of Glady’s voice overtook the phone. “Happy Helpers Home Health Care, this is Gladys, how can I help you?”

Her fake customer service voice was enough to turn the strongest stomachs on their axis. “Gladys, It’s Amber, Jays wife…” she took a few deep, soothing breaths before she spoke again. As much as she would love to rip this woman a new asshole for sending yet another incompetent idiot into her home she had to remember to play nice, they were lucky to even get help.

“Yes?” Was all Gladys choked out. The sweetness in her voice was gone.

“I just wanted to let you know that the aide you sent today left without any notice. I came home to an absolute wreck and Jay had no way to get ahold of me.”

The line was silent for several moments. Just as Amber was about to speak again Gladys let out a exasperated sigh. “I am so sorry, it is just so hard to find decent employees now a days…” Amber bit her tongue. She had a half a mind to point out that they don’t pay the employees they do have a living wage and on top of that she could do the job if they would get off their cooperate high horse and bend the rules. “Yeah, if only there was someone who knew the job like they lived it.” She hissed, she couldn’t completely resist the jab.

“I am sorry you guys are having such a rough time. We have a girl, Jasmine, she will be there first thing in the morning.”

“Fine.” Amber practically growled, she hung up the line before Gladys could respond. She set the handset back on the dock in the living room on the glass top coffee table in front of their brown suede couch. The living room served very little purpose anymore, just another room to collect various medical supplies and junk mail. “I really should deep clean this place.” She muttered to herself.

She swung open the fridge door, grabbed a carton of ensure formula and a purple feed bag from the cabinet drawer next to her. She mixed the whole carton with a full glass of water and carried it with her back into her and Jays bedroom. “Dinner is served.” She smiled as she hung the bag from the IV pole on the side of the bed closest to the door. She threaded the wire through a machine and set it to run over the next few hours. She ensured no air was in the line then connected it to a tube that came from Jay’s abdomen. This tube ran all the way into his stomach and was how he ate since he struggled to swallow food. He had not completely lost the ability but it was easier this way.

“Thank you my love.” He smiled up at her. “Did you call the company?”

“Yep, they are sending some girl named Jasmine tomorrow morning, I am going to try to clean this place up a bit before I head out for the night.”

His smile immediately faded. “Do you have to?”

“I wont be gone long, just one dinner and I guess some kind of after party. I should be home by 4.”

“Great just enough time to change and go to your serving job.” Jay’s voice was laced with contempt and frustration.

“It wont always be like this.” She tried to sound positive. Jay muttered something under his breath but Amber couldn’t catch it. She returned to the kitchen and solemnly prepared her dinner while also mentally preparing for the night ahead. She and Jay sat almost in complete silence while she ate. When she was finished she made sure he was settled for the night, phone within reach, remote, tubes unclamped, tube feed shut off, etc. she gave him a long, soft kiss then escaped to the other bedroom to prepare for the night ahead.

She wore a short black silk cocktail dress with matching stilettos. She pulled her blonde hair back into a half ponytail with her bangs hanging around her face. She kept her makeup light, just enough to bring light to her eyes. She grabbed her necklace off of her vanity and clasped it around her neck, it was a simple choker with a pink heart locket. On the back of the locket were Jays and hers initials and the date they got together. She ran it between her fingers, hard to believe it would be ten years in a matter of days.

She learned over the last few years to not even let Jay know she was leaving, though he didn’t say it, she knew he hated what she did. If she was being honest with herself she hated it too but she had no other choice. Jays medical insurance didn’t cover much unless he went into a skilled facility which Amber refused to do to him.

Two

A white hummer limo parked in front of her apartment building at 9pm sharp. The driver opened the door allowing amber to crawl in. Her “date” barely gave her a passing glance. He was older, possibly in his late fifties. He wore a traditional black tux and dark ray ban sunglasses. His neck length hair was almost completely grey with flecks of black throughout. “Good evening-“” amber started trying to be polite, she was cut off by his hand in her face.

“Don’t. Only speak when spoken to. You are arm candy, nothing more.”

“Great, a gentleman.” Amber thought she said that quietly but the almost instantaneous red hot sting on her left cheek contradicted that thought. She let out a quiet grunt “you better not have left a mark..” she growled. She dug through her black wristlet for her compact.

She hadn’t noticed at first but the man had taken off his sunglasses. His eyes were dark, almost black. Despite his salt and pepper hair his face was close to flawless, plastic surgery no doubt. He looked at her with such disgust, hatred almost. “You’re lucky I need you to look nice or there wouldn’t be a spot on your face left without a mark for that smart comment.” He hissed at her moving his face directly next to her ear. The hair on the back of her neck stood up as his hot breath lingered on her face. He reeked of cheap tobacco and some kind of liquor, whisky maybe?

The rest of the evening was spent in almost complete silence. Amber was basically only allowed to smile, nod, wave and give the occasional “nice to meet you, yes sir and thank you.” The event was a charity gambling event/ party for a local hospital. Her “date.” Jack Oberlin was apparently a big donor to the hospital to the point that they named a wing after him. The whole thing was a giant snooze fest, Amber was grateful for the open bar.

It was close to 5am before people began clearing out, by that time Jack was beyond drunk and had to be practically carried to his limo, “Maybe he’ll fall asleep.” Amber muttered to herself.

“So you coming back to my hotel room baby?” Jack slurred as they entered the limo.

“I have work in a few hours..” Amber looked at the floor becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

Jack seemed to growl inwardly, “I guess she’s going home!” He hollered at his driver who simply nodded from the front seat. Amber’s place was only fifteen minutes from where they were, she took solace in that.

Unfortunately her calm demeanor was quickly overtaken by a level of panic. Before she even had a second to react Jack was undoing his pants smiling at her like a kid in a candy store. “Fifteen minutes is plenty of time for you to give me what I want.” He grumbled, struggling to pull his penis from his trousers.

“Excuse me? What do you think you’re doing!?” Amber had now slammed herself against the door and had her hand on the handle, preparing to tuck and roll. Panic increased as she heard the locks click and realized he had put a child safety lock on her door. “I’m not a prostitute!” She objected.

Jack was now stroking his meager asset in a sad attempt to get it to stand at attention. He stopped as Amber spoke. His eyes grew wide and within seconds he was leaning over her with his hands around her throat. She tried to reach for her bag where she had stashed her knife but he had his other hand holding hers against the car seat. “For five fucking grand you’ll be whatever I want you to be.” His face was inches from hers, she wanted to spit at him or bite his fake nose right off his face but she was frozen in fear.

Within seconds his hand was wrapped around the back of her neck with her hair tangled in his fingertips. “Bite me and I’ll kill you.” He threatened. He lurched her head back and ran his tongue up her neck to just below her eye. Amber gulped hard feeling her stomach roll into a ball. “Now be a good girl for daddy and let me cum in that sweet mouth.” He whispered eerily into her ear. Before she could even react he had slammed her head down into his crotch. She sat frozen for several moments before she felt him smack the back of her head, hard. “Come on, don’t make me hurt you.” He threatened. He grabbed the back of her head and began shaking it in an attempt to get her to latch on to him. Finally she gave in and took his half flaccid asset into her mouth. He moved her head up and down, it took her everything in her power not to bite down. She gagged several times as he held her head down slamming his cock into the back of her throat. He let out a loud groan, ambers throat filled with his bitter fluid. He once again held her head down, “swallow.” He demanded of her. He pulled her head back up, moving his hand from the back of her head to her chin, squeezing her face rightly, “that’s a good girl…” he hissed. “We have arrived sir.” His driver spoke, eyes never leaving the windshield.

Jack released her face, needing his other hand to zip up his pants. “Get the fuck out of my car.”

Amber heard the car lock click, she couldn’t get out fast enough. She slammed the door behind her and practically ran into her building. It was now a little bit after 6 o’clock, she had to be at the restaurant for her morning shift in less than an hour.

“I’m home!” She hollered tripping over the box in front of her door.

“What happened to being home by 5?” She heard jay growl from the other room.

Amber took a few deep breaths before making her way down to their room. What happened tonight was exactly why Jay had the opinions that he did, she didn’t want him to have a clue that something had gone down.

“Event ran way later than planned…” she stripped out of her dress, tossing it in a basket and changing into a black button up and matching skinny jeans. She threw her hair up in a ponytail before sitting next to Jay in the bed, stroking his hair lovingly.

“At least tell me the money was decent this time.” He half smiled at her, relishing in her gentle touch.

“I mean, 2 grand, enough to pay the medical supplies and rent this month.”

“At least whatever you are at the restaurant can be stashed.”

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. “Hello? This is Jasmine, here for my shift.” A singing voice called.

Three

“Come on in, were in the back bedroom!” Amber called.

“She sounds young..” Jay sighed.

“Give her a chance.”

“Don’t know why you’re so optimistic, not like we have got many good ones…and if they are good they leave after a month.”

Amber simply rolled her eyes. She knew Jay was right, she shouldn’t be as optimistic but she couldn’t help it. Plus she was always a firm believer that going into a situation with a positive mind influences the outcomes, even if just a little bit.

Jasmin stood timidly at the doorway, her brown eyes as big as saucers.

“It’s not as scary as it looks…” Amber started, attempting to break the awkward silence.

“She’s right!” Jay said with a smile, “it’s worse.”

Amber groaned, the girl looked like she was about to run screaming.”I’m going to take her to the living room and give her a crash course..” The girl walked back out of the doorway and towards the living room, amber gave Jay a look that loosely translated to “play nice or else.”

Jasmine stood in the living room rubbing her arm awkwardly, her phone gripped tightly in her hand. She kept glancing to the door. “If you are going to leave just say so, save us both a headache.” Amber didn’t mean to snarl but she was already late for work and this wasn’t helping. She walked into the kitchen grabbing her phone from her clutch, she already had several missed calls from her manager.

“I’m sorry..” Jasmines voice was quiet, sheepish. “It’s just so much….”

“It’s not as bad as it looks. Just give him his three feeds, 8a, 12p, 4p, his meds, same time and hang out with him, oh and make sure you are rolling him every few hours. He has got a nasty sore already, pretty sure its not going to heal but I would rather it didn’t get worse.” Amber mixed up the feeds in separate containers and set them in the fridge labeled with jays syringes of medications taped to the side. “Emergency numbers are on the fridge and he can guide you through everything.”

Jasmine simply nodded twirling her long brown hair around her fingers.

“Think you can handle that or…?”

“I think I’ve got it.”

“I’ve got to go, I’m already late. Ill be home by 5.” Amber ran back to the bedroom, giving Jay a quick peck and hair tussle. She reminded him to play nice to which he responded with an eye roll. She left with very little confidence the day would go well and worried what she would be coming home to.

Jasmine took ambers place at Jays bedside, she looked at him like a sort of science experiment “Can I get you anything?” She asked sheepishly.

Jay looked her up and down and sighed. She was very young, maybe 19 at most. She was thin, in his better days he could probably snap her in two. She didn’t wear any makeup, not that she needed it but maybe it meant she wouldn’t be high maintenance. She had long brown hair that fell just below her breasts. Her eyes were light brown with a hint of green. Her resting face was sad almost and she didn’t seem to like to smile much.

“I don’t bite ya know..?” He didn’t mean to snap at her but she was the fifth girl to walk through that door in the last month who looked at him the way she did.

Her eyes hit the floor and she began twirling her hair again. “Sorry, I’m kind of new at this..”

“I couldn’t tell..” Jay half growled.

Jasmin bit her bottom lip, “excuse me for a moment.” Her voice broke as she began to bolt towards the door.

“WAIT!” Jay yelled louder than he had in a long time. She stopped but did not turn around. “I am sorry.” He sighed, “I did not mean to hurt your feelings. I shouldn’t be so rude. Ive just, been through a lot, I shouldn’t have taken that out on you. Can we please start again?”

Jasmine turned to face his bed once again, wiping the few tears that had escaped off her cheeks. “Yes.” Was all she could choke out.

“There is an old rocking chair in the back corner of the room, drag it over.”

Jasmine ran to the bathroom to run some water on her face momentarily before returning to the room and dragging the old wood rocker across the floor.

“There are some pillows in the closet you can toss on there if its too uncomfortable.”

“Thank you.” Jasmine grabbed a few pillows and situated herself half Indian style in the large rocker on the other side of his bed away from the door.

The remainder of the day was spent watching random movies on various streaming services and making small talk. Jay let Jasmine do most of the talking, feeling that his glory days were nothing to brag about. He found out she had recently graduated from high school and because her parents were at poverty level she was going to have to find a way to drag her way through college. She had originally wanted to go for cosmetology but after caring for her ailing grandmother her senior year of school she felt her skills could be better utilized caring for others plus the jobs were mor readily available. Unfortunately for Jay caring for her grandmother was about the only experience she had and even though she did a lot the nurses did more of the heavy lifting for her. She wasn’t completely unteachable though which gave Jay some relief. She was able to handle administering the medicines well enough and while moving him was close to a disaster he had hopes it would get better. For once in his life the day flowed smoothly and five o’clock came before he knew it.

Amber returned home, surprised to see that Jasmine had made it through the entire day and without major disaster. She signed her out and retreated to the bathroom for a long, much deserved bath. She sat until the scolding hot water went cold. She dressed in her plush bathrobe, throwing her hair up into a tight bun. “So Jasmine seemed nice.” She started, pouring Jay’s feed into a bag and starting it for the night.

“Yeah, she’s a real good kid, young, but she’s been through a lot.”

Amber crawled into bed with him resting her head on his chest with her arms nestled under his. “Think she can do the job though?”

Jay lightly rubbed her back, “She’s teachable..”

Amber nodded. She allowed the slow purrs of the tube feeding and Jays heartbeat to lul her to sleep, sleep that she so desperately needed.

Four

Sleep went just as quickly as it came, those subtle purrs turned to screams, ripping amber out of her solitude, it was morning once again. Jay was already awake, playing with the wild strands of her hair that were scattered around both their faces. “Good morning my sun.”

Amber groaned, giving him a quick peck before getting up to silence the alarms. “Unfortunately.” She muttered. It was just past 5 in the morning, she had a day off from the diner today which meant instead she got to play catch up on household things like bill paying and grocery shopping.

The day went on without a hitch, jasmine arrived at noon, staying for only a few hours so Amber could shop. It was nice to finally have good help. Unfortunately amber couldn’t avoid some form of work all day, the escort agency called, someone had requested her services for a few hours that evening. She wasn’t going to lie to herself and say she wasn’t nervous given what had happened a few nights prior but the money was good so she swallowed her terror.

The night went well, this guy was actually somewhat of a gentleman and let her utter actual sentences instead of a few broken words here and there. The event was a grand opening of a nightclub on the cities south side. It always amazed amber how places like this still existed when there were so many people who lived in complete squaller. She couldn’t even talk badly about her own situation because the sad fact of the matter was that they didn’t have it all that bad. Most families didn’t have healthcare, food, hell even a roof over your head was a rarity now a days.

Amber arrived home early, jay was sleeping and the apartment was quiet. She took an hour to herself to sit outside on their patio and simply enjoy the cool night air. These moments were becoming less frequent as time went on. Between Jays medical problems and the state of the world it was not often that Amber caught a break.

Five

The following few months were peaceful. Jay remained in stable health with no real issues, besides his wounds of course. Thankfully most of his doctors either made house calls or video conferenced so amber didn’t have to worry about trying to get him out of the apartment. There used to be a time when they used to go out all the time, even after Jay’s accident they were pretty active. Unfortunately in the last three years he took a turn for the worse. What started as a dime sized wound on his hip engulfed anything in its path. Not only that but his lung function went to shit, he was now on constant monitoring and there were times that he needed oxygen. Doctors had told him several months ago that he may soon need a tracheostomy tube to assist him to breathe, he refused it.

As much as it tore Amber to shreds she understood. Jay had been dealing with this for nearly five years, half their relationship. He was tired, he barely wanted to be alive now, prolonging it? Out of the question. As amber sat on her porch once again after a long day at the diner listening to the faint sound of crickets she thought back to the night she got that call, the call that changed everything.

She was setting up dinner, like she did every night. Jay was working late at the mines like he usually did so when he wasn’t home right at 6:30 she was less than concerned. At 7:15 her phone rang, a number she did not know. The Doctor on the other end of the phone did his best to sound calm but she could hear the shakiness in his voice and knew something was desperately wrong. She arrived at the hospital by 7:45, Jay was in a coma. He had been heading home and a drunk driver going way over the speed limit slammed into his motorcycle, sending him flying across the highway. Most of the bones in his body were shattered, neck included. At that time the doctors weren’t convinced he was going to make it. For six months amber sat by his bedside, taking each day as it came, preparing herself for the worst,The worst never came though. Amber remembered that moment so clearly. She had just gotten back from grabbing a cup of coffee from the cafeteria. She was holding jays hand with one hand while sipping it with the other when suddenly she felt his hand squeeze hers ever so lightly. She looked up from her sleep deprived daze, locking eyes with him. “I’m not dead?” Was all he said.

From that point on it was an uphill climb, jay required almost a full year of rehab just to get the smallest bit of function out of his hand. Back then he was able to feed himself for the most part and type words on a tablet. Before they moved into the apartment they were in now they lived in a large one story home with a massive yard. It was the perfect place for someone who was disabled. Two years into Jays ordeal though, they lost it. With only one person working and insurance companies refusing to cough up any form of compensation they had no choice but to sell and go somewhere else.

Amber took one final sip of wine, coming out of her own head once again. She returned to the bedroom, Jay slept soundly and the feed seemed to be running without issue. His vital signs were mostly stable so Amber felt safe enough to sleep in the living room. She curled herself into a ball under the safety of a few blankets and drifted to a world much simpler than this.

She awoke the next morning to the familiar symphony of alarms, another day and more chaos she thought tp herself. She scurried into the room, silenced alarms then proceeded to prepare for the day ahead. Jay was acting off this morning, he wasn’t his normal talkative self and seemed barely interested in the television. When amber asked what was wrong he denied anything being the matter, claimed he was just tired. Jasmine arrived shortly after 6 and Amber was out the door by 7:15 for yet another shift at the diner. The day went as it normally did until it was just about time for jasmine to leave for the night.

“Jaz, we need to talk.” Jays voice was stern had just finished preparing Jay’s final feed before she left

“What’s going on?” A healthy dose of anxiety washed over her. She hoped more than anything Jay was not about to fire her. This had been the best job she had.

“I want to die. Jasmine tilted her head to the side, staring at him with wide eyes. “You know I’m not a therapist right?” She couldn’t manage to choke anything else out. Probably should have been more compassionate but she figured she could manage the technicalities later. Jay chuckled, “I know, you’re the person who is going to help me do it.”

Six

Jasmine thought she was going to vomit. Everything in her screamed “run” but she could not will her feet to move. Instead she sat paralyzed, waiting for Jay to tell her he was joking or something along those lines.

He glanced away from her and out his bedroom door. “Ive been like this for long enough. My poor wife, she shouldn’t have to deal with this. She shouldn’t have to pawn herself off on random men to pay the bills.”

“She loves you.”

“And that wont stop just because I’m not here anymore.”

“I suppose your right..” her voice trailed off. “Wait…no….no!” She shot up from where she sat, Jay began to internally panic. “If I get caught…that’s my ass! I’m too young to go down for murder!”

Jay sighed “come sit, please.” He patted a space on the bed next to him She was resultant but did as he asked. He placed his hand on her shoulder and did his best to be soothing. He knew he was asking the impossible but over the last few months she was someone he knew he could trust. “Ive thought about this for…shit close to a year now. You wont get in trouble.”

“How can you be so sure about that?”

“You see that rolling cart of drawers over there?” He motioned towards the television set. Jasmine nodded in agreement. “In the bottom drawer are vials of Botox, completely harmless when injected into the muscles, helps them to relax. I get treatments every few weeks for muscle spasms. Anyways, the stuff is lethal if injected say into the bloodstream. It relaxes any and every muscle and nerve in its path. I’m hoping that with my already crappy lungs one dose and it’ll take me out.”

“Sounds painful.” Jasmine gulped.

“Not as painful as living like this.”

“So you still haven’t answered my question, how am I not going to get caught?”

“Oh that’s easy, just inject me before you leave on a night that she has an escort job.”

“And do what? Throw the evidence in the dumpster behind the apartment?” Her tone was sarcastic but he could hear the panic in her voice.

“No. I get insulin shots every night anyways, just don’t give me the insulin….put the syringe in the sharps container.”

“What if she wants an autopsy!?”

Jay gave her a look, “have you seen me, they wouldn’t let her.”

“Can I take a few days?”

“Of course, just please, don’t tell anyone, I would rather you quit, I can figure out a way to get some money together until you get another patient.”

Jasmine simply nodded. She gathered her things and left without another word. Amber arrived home shortly after, slightly miffed that she missed Jasmine but Jay explained she had some family things to do.

As the days went on Jay grew more anxious, admittedly so did Amber. Jasmine had called off all of her shifts and when Friday arrived, the day amber had an escort job, jay was sure all hope was lost.

“I’m leaving for a quick afternoon shift at the diner, then going to some gala directly after, Jasmine said she would be here closer to noon and leave about 8.” Amber stood in his doorway, putting on various bracelets and rings.

Jay couldn’t help the overwhelming amount of relief he felt knowing Jasmine was returning. He was sure she had called the authorities and he was days away from being thrown in an asylum somewhere. “You look absolutely beautiful today.” Jay looked his wife up and down like she was a prime cut of steak.

“Thanks..” she looked to him confused.

“Come here..” he motioned at her with his arm. As she sat down on the bed next to him he wrapped his arm around her tiny form and did his best to pull her towards him. She positioned herself on top of him so her head was resting on his shoulder, face halfway nestled into the side of his neck. He rubbed her back oh so gently and kissed the top of her head. “I love you so much.” He couldn’t help the twinge of guilt he felt. If Jasmine was on board, this would be the last moments they had together. He loved her more than life itself and would give anything in the world to see her at peace. As much as he knew this would destroy her he had convinced himself that she deserved more than this and would eventually move on.

Amber leaned herself up on her hands, looking him directly in the eyes, “jay, is something wrong?” Her eyes were filled with worry.

He stroked her cheek with his hand and smiled, “I cant tell my beautiful wife I love and appreciate her every once In awhile.”

She smiled and kissed him with passion, they sat locked forehead to forehead for several moments, smiling into each other. “I suppose you can. I love you more than the moon and the stars above.”

“And I will love you until the sun burns out.”

They shared a few extra kisses and a long embrace before Amber left for work. Jay saved his tears for when he was sure she had gone. He had cried so much he had actually fallen asleep and not heard Jasmine enter the apartment. He awoke to her sitting at his bedside writing notes in a notebook.

“Glad to see I haven’t scared you off .”

“Ive decided I am going to do it.” She didn’t look up from what she was doing and her tone was flat.

“Thank you.”

“Tonight then?”

“Yes.”

Seven

The rest of the day went as normal, they watched a few movies, made small talk, then 8 o’clock rolled around. Jasmine stood, returning the rocking chair to its place by the closet and the pillows inside. She grabbed a syringe from a pack in the top drawer of the cabinet and a small vial of Botox from the bottom drawer. “How much?”

“I heard less than 1ml will do it, so maybe .5”

Jasmines hands shook and she felt like she was going to either puke or pass out. This was insane, she was insane. “I hope hell is welcoming.” She muttered. She pushed air into the vial then drew back .5ml of the light purple liquid. She recapped the needle, placed the vial back in the drawer then returned to Jay’s bedside. “Your sure about this?” She barely got the words out. A very large part of her hoped he would change his mind.

“I am sure.” He rubbed her shoulder once again, looking at her with eyes full of emotion. “Thank you again.”

“Don’t thank me yet.”

“Fine ill come haunt your dreams and thank you later.”

Jasmine gave him a look. She uncapped the syringe and used an alcohol pad to lean a spot on the side of his neck right over his jugular vein. “I’m going to ask you one more time, are you sure this is what you want?”

“Yes.”

Jasmine took a breathe in and held it as she plunged the needle into his skin. She felt his body tense momentarily then relax as the liquid entered his bloodstream. All was silent for a few moments until all of a sudden every muscle in Jay’s body appeared to go stiff. His breaths became more shallow and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Jasmine stood frozen as she watched his pulse ox dive from 96% to 85%, 75%, 40% and then nothing. Before she could even catch herself tears began to flow from her eyes and she hit the floor on both her knees. She sat and wept for several minutes before the beeping of alarms drug her back to the real world. She had to get out of there before one of the neighbors heard and called. She gathered her things, dropped the syringe in the nearby sharps container and left without a trace.

Amber returned home around 2am, earlier than she had expected, which was good. “Jay! I am home!” No response. She dropped her things in the living room and began piddling around a bit before she even noticed the screams of multiple machines beeping, then panic set in. She threw the magazines she was organizing on the floor and rushed to his room. As she entered the doorway and saw his pale, limp, lifeless body laying there she felt her own essence attempt to escape her body. Her heart felt like it was going to explode. She clung to the doorway for support. Grabbing her phone out of her pants pocket she frantically called 9-1-1. The operator attempted to direct her to do CPR but as amber approached his body and checked for a pulse she realized he had been gone for awhile. His body was cold and beginning to grow stiff from rigor mortise. “Just send the coroner.” She practically whispered before hanging up the phone.

She sat at his bedside until the authorities arrived. She held his hand and wept, apologizing over and over again like this was somehow her fault. When they arrived she gave him one last kiss on the forehead before joining an officer in the living room. They went over next steps as they transported his body out of the apartment. As things wrapped up and the apartment once again fell silent amber couldn’t help but feel almost lighter, like a weight had been lifted from her. She settled into a bath, playing songs from their wedding on her iPod, going over years of memories in her mind. She clung to them for as long as possible, knowing her life was about to change, forever.