Run girl run you in DANGER ⚠️

Hi it’s me …..there I was in a beeping wired, filled room it was warm the scbu department in the hospital there was about five of us Women in this department (that looked like myself I might add) our babies all came early preemie babies I’m in a state of shock I’m trying to bond with a baby I didn’t plan for.

I have two other older children from my violent ex-husband I have no real friends I have little to no support and my mothers sick and coughing prefusively my mum has hardly seen the baby as she’s sick fortunately she was able to meet Jasmine and has held her.

Here I am again I’m trying to take care of my children and this new tiny baby I’m told when to feed her and when to bathe her is she mine mine? the nurses on the ward started calling me superwoman, gleefully I smile back and nodded not knowing it wasn’t a compliment they started noticing me doing everything by myself where was the father the other women the same thing not much support from their respective partners wow is this normal with us, another woman he was there another woman and her partner they were there and a few other women they had their partners there. The other mothers their significant other were supporting and taking turns to look after the baby and the mother ensuring she had enough rest they also had other children so they worked as a team.

I guess their men didn’t look like ours so had different behaviours associated with circumstances such as this and knew what was expected of them.

In the Special care baby unit (scbu) department there a nurse of Jamaican descent sat me down and the other woman to talk to us to get background information the very same nurse spoke to our partners (and I say this word loosely) and told them to support us mothers.

The nurse also told me a story about her cousin and a funeral and how her Jamaican partner went to the funeral and was cursing and shouting and made a show of the funeral.

A few months later when the baby Jasmine had been discharged from hospital she passed away and it was like The Nurse had predicted what was going to happen but the story about her cousin and the funeral was now similar to me so that was quite significant, after this period of time it took me a long time to heal and I just stayed by myself because I thought to myself why am I picking the same type of men. And after listening to other women I realised there is a problem with this type of man from those particular backgrounds so I stayed away from them and had a relationships with another type of man from a different culture.

In life it is imminent that everyone makes the right choice, as each choice we make can have a severe affect on our life and our future is changed dramatically. So don’t follow peers or any other distractions, choose what makes you happy and make choices that will benefit yourself and the skills you possess.

This is when I started my self love journey. This journey happened around 2017 no before actually around 2015 and included celibacy, this took me to deeper depths into my psyche and personality, it’s been like peaks and troughs. I’ve gone in and out of it and have needed to go back to it to improve myself. I’ve journaled had grief, counselling meditated and more which was all beneficial I might add.

The moral of the story is when these types of men came near me, a red flag came out and when I saw those men I stayed clear and said

RUN GIRL RUN YOU IN DANGER!