Roots of a Different Flower

Paula watches as Sebastian drinks the last drops of water from their canteen. She was hopeful it would last them their entire journey from San Felipe to Tijuana, where they are to meet their Papa to cross the border home. Their new home. Paula’s stomach turns and the bus jostling its passengers about does not help. She can see the signs for the border ahead. They are close now making her more anxious. It has been 10 years since she last saw her Papa. Her mother never spoke of him after he left. There was not much to say to a then 5-year-old and a newborn, it did not matter. Nothing did, at the time beyond ensuring they could keep a roof over their head and food on the table. Mama worked so much that she became ill, but with Paula and her brother in America, her Mama could work less and hopefully recover.

Paula closes her eyes, remembering her Mama’s small frame and pale expression when she dropped them off at their neighbours’ home. Their journey would begin in a horse-drawn cart, as no one in their town was wealthy enough to own a car.

“Regreso por ti Mami”, she had said, promising to return. Her mother only softly smiled before blessing her and sending them to the bus station. Sebastian had strained his head to watch her disappear into the dusty road.

The bus stops abruptly, pushing its occupants forward, the heat and dust swirling through the open windows, offering little relief from the sweltering summer heat. Paula stands up while Sebastian pokes his head out of the window, looking for the one who could be his Papa. He thought it was the best 10th birthday present, to be able to meet him.

“I’m always going to remember August 4th, 1968”, Sebastian says excitedly. Paula agrees, perhaps more nervous than her brother. Moving to America is a dream, moving without her Mama to an unknown future, is frightening.

They make their way off the bus, pressing through the crowd of people onto the platform, a small carpet bag for each of them. Paula looks around and watches families reuniting, drivers calling out to potential clients, and staff pressing people from one end to another to accommodate the next set of passengers. They make their way to the edge of the station where the platform seems most empty. A wasp’s nest hangs over the corner of the station building encouraging the crowd to avoid that area.

The dust settles, and Sebastian makes out a tall, dark-skinned figure in overalls in the distance. Sebastian freezes in the direction of the stranger, and Paula follows his gaze. The figure presses off an old, very dusty Chevy truck and walks towards them. Paula inhales deeply before stepping down the platform, Sebastian following closely behind her. They stop several paces in front of the stranger as he removes his dusty cowboy hat.

“Hola M’hija. It’s me Papi. You understand me, don’t you?”.

“Yes. Mama taught us English”, Sebastian says.

“Look at you”, the stranger beams, looking past Paula to a smiling Sebastian.

“I am happy to see you both”.



The drive through San Diego County is mostly quiet after the border crossing. Their father points out fields that he has worked in to harvest different fruits and vegetables, or different buildings throughout the sparse towns they pass. Upon arriving in the small town of Alpine, their father slows as he passes the local church.

“This is where I minister most Sundays when the pastor needs. I’m not officially a pastor, but everyone treats me like one, always asking for advice”, he chuckles exposing 1 golden tooth.

They stop along a row of neat homes, small and far from the large shops they had passed along the way. On the lawn is a beautiful, slender, young woman, with a little boy on her hip, pulling at the laundry she is trying to hang up with her free hand. Two little girls run around her with sticks as swords. Her dark curls fly around her face as she tries and fails to attend to her task.

The woman turns to see the car approaching, exhaustion, exasperation and something akin to sadness etched upon her lovely features.

“Papa! Papa!” cries the two little girls dropping their sticks and running towards the car. Papa is out of the car fast enough to catch them in his arms as they squeal with delight. Sebastian also hops out and straightens his shirt while swinging the door behind him shut, leaving Paula in her seat. Her Mama had not warned her about her Papa’s new family. She lifts her gaze to see her new stepmother lowering the youngest boy to toddle towards his sisters and Papa, but her eyes stay locked on Paula. Cold. It was the only way Paula could describe them.



Paula places the warm plate of tortilla, beans and chicken in front of her Papa. Lisette, her stepmother, sets the plates in front of her daughters before sitting down with Hector Jr in arms to eat. Sebastian walks towards the counter to grab himself a plate.

“M’hijo, let your sister grab a plate for you. You come sit next to me for prayer”. Papa says.

Sebastian looks at Paula, but she nods her head for him to go ahead. Both children have been used to taking care of one another. It was foreign to serve, but Paula obeys. Lisette watches her every move, making her nervous and unsure. Paula drops the cutlery on the way over to the table. Lisette scoffs.

“Sit down”, she tells Paula.

“Perdon,” Paula says softly making her way to her seat.

Slamming her palm onto the table, Lisette looks at her pointedly, “English, girl”.

“She means you need to practice, M’hija. You are not in Mexico anymore”, her Papa offers.



As the weeks pass a routine is established for the children. They are awoken in the morning by the roosters, Paula still groggy from lack of sleep due to the constant fighting of her Papa and his wife that often carry late into the night. Both Paula and Sebastian walk to the church where school is held for children like them, that is from Mexico, and they return home by noon to tend to their chores. Paula’s chores involve caring for her half-sisters, Rosa and Maria, tending to the chickens and goats, cleaning the home and preparing for dinner. Nothing she did was good enough for her stepmother, so she often spent time redoing them.

Sebastian goes to work with his father, harvesting the fruits in vegetables in the fields they had passed on their way to their new home.

Every week the thing Paula looks forward to most arrives by post. Paula receives a letter from her mother saying that she is improving, that she hopes they are well and to be obedient to their stepmother. The letter always ends with the hope that they will be reunited soon. These letters become one of Paula’s most precious things.

Paula does not look forward to Sunday as every Sunday the family is to not only attend church but arrive very early to clean, cook, set up anything else that the Pastor or elders ask for.

“Rain, shine, sick or healthy, we will serve the Lord and be grateful for what we have because we can always be worse off. Remember that M’hijo”, Papa says to Sebastian the first time they go when Paula has complained of a headache.

The congregation greets them warmly and in Spanish which always soothes some of Paula’s uneasiness and stress, although their stares have the opposite effect. Every elder greets them, and Papa, placing a firm hand on Paula’s back, pushes her to greet the men who Paula later learns are his friends. Lisette stays unusually close to her during these interactions, her face stern and cold as always.

As the service begins, Papa is invited to the pulpit to minister. He says a prayer, his hands outstretched, his voice echoes off the concrete walls, the inflections sound like music and the congregation listens.

“My people, we have so much to be grateful for, especially in my growing family. Many of you don’t know my whole story but once you know my testimony, you will know without a doubt, that our Lord is the Lord of miracles”, he says.

“You all already know, that my beautiful wife and three little ones are here with us today, but I would like to introduce to you my beautiful eldest daughter Paula and my handsome boy Sebastian”. The congregation claps as Papa summons them to the pulpit with him, his newly ironed suit already soaking through with sweat.

Paula and Sebastian stand next to their Papa. Paula wishes at that moment she had brushed Sebastian's dark dusty hair, she is sure to hear of her neglect from her stepmother afterwards.

“When I left Mexico, all those years ago, I left a part of my heart behind. I left my beloved children, whom I now ask forgiveness for”, this earns him a round of applause. “More so I need to ask God for forgiveness, for not being able to save their mother who is also a child of God, from the pits of hell, where she will be shortly”.

The room goes silent, but Paula’s ears begin to ring causing clusters of pain to shoot around her head. She can feel Sebastian looking up at her. She is sure they had both turned beet red, Sebastian from embarrassment, she is in rage. She looks around the room at the pitying looks and finds Lisette’s. She has her hand on Hector Jr, while the girls are occupied with their dolls, but her eyes bore into her husband, her face also red. Paula knows she is angry too, but it is unlikely for her sake.

Papa continues, “When God called me out of Mexico, I tried to minister over my first wife, gently leading her like a shepherd leads his sheep, but she was so wrapped in her sin, her adulteress nature and lust, I am afraid it is now too late. My people, we must pray for her soul. If it is in God’s will, she finds redemption and remorse, or that if she dies, he will be merciful in her judgement”.

Paula knows this story, she lived this story, it is not her Mama who was unfaithful, but her Papa. Her Mama’s family had disowned her for divorcing her husband, and her Papa never even stayed to meet Sebastian when he was born. They are all their Mama has, especially now that she is so sick, and they are here in California, for opportunities Paula did not care about. She cannot stop the tears, hot against her skin, Sebastian now presses tightly against her.

“Come church, let us pray for my children, that the sin that plagued their mother does not find them. It may be 1968, but God is the God of all the ages and how we choose to live our lives must be in accordance with his word. Amen”.



The car ride home only magnifies the terrible feeling in Paula’s stomach. Sebastian is unusually quiet. Although the five children are sitting in the back of the truck, they can hear Papa and Lisette fighting inside. Paula does not want to listen to anything anymore, their fights are always the same. Lisette tells her Papa he can’t do one thing or the other, or that he is disgusting. Paula is starting to realize why.

Paula remains in the truck a moment longer, after everyone else has already walked into the house, her heart breaking. She thinks of her Mama. For 9 out of her 14 years it was just her, Sebastian and Mama. Now there is no one she realizes choking back tears and finally hopping out of the truck when Lisette starts calling her name to get back inside. Hector Jr. needs to be changed.



Papa has many visitors in the following weeks. Sometimes the visits are about the protests for fair wages for Mexican farmers. Other times it is a visit from two gentlemen from the church whom Paula recognizes as two of the elders. Sebastian is always welcome to join but Paula notices his sullenness after their last meeting. He does not speak to Paula, and she perceives that he is avoiding her altogether, all under the guise of being busy with some chore or errand their Papa gave him.

“May I go to the post?” Paula shyly asks her stepmother on a hot and dusty Tuesday afternoon. Lisette does not look up from her sewing when she simply sighs deeply and says,” Fine, but pick up more milk for Hector Jr.”

Paula let out a breath of relief for it had been nearly three weeks since she received a letter from her Mama and Paula had written often. She does not wait another moment for fear of her stepmother changing her mind. She is in such a hurry that she does not see Sebastian sitting in the kitchen face red from crying. When Paula steps outside, not only is she hit with a wave of summer heat, but she crashes into her Papa’s chest. He looks down at her with saddened eyes, mouth agape trying to push out the words.

“The postman came…I’m sorry M’hija”, her Papa says handing her an opened envelope. When Paula does not reach for it, staying the inevitable for a moment longer, her Papa continues.

“Your Mama has passed. It was sudden and she has already been buried,” he says more bluntly. “You understand we cannot visit right now? The situation at the border is too hostile.”

Paula does not move or speak. Her Papa gathers the family together in the kitchen.

“Children your mother is gone, and I am sorry. You always have a place here, and we have already prayed for her soul, that should be of some comfort.”

Paula looks up at her Papa, her body stiff, her fists tightly at her sides. Lisette shakes her head at her husband.

“It is a comfort to know that she was good and kind and that she is in heaven where no one can hurt her”, Paula speaks slowly and quietly before walking away to her room hearing the scrape of the chair against the floor as Sebastian stands quickly to grasp unto his Papa.

Paula does not leave her room for the rest of the day. She is exhausted from crying and is grateful Lisette has it in her heart to leave her alone. Her Papa chooses not to extend that same courtesy. The rest of the evening is a blur. Papa comes to Paula’s room and tells her she has received an offer of marriage from an elder friend of his at church. He has accepted.

“This is a good thing for you M’hija. He will be joining us for dinner to solidify the offer”.

Paula is distraught and screams at her father for his lies about her Mama. She cannot remember all she says to him, but she is completely overcome with emotion. Lisette joins them in Paula’s room after hearing all the yelling. The room is tense, and Papa is breathing erratically.

“You don’t understand Paula, your mother is an adulteress, and you have a chance to be better than her.”

Paula looks to her stepmother, but she does not offer an opinion.

“This will happen, and you will not make this family look bad.” He shouts. He turns around to leave the room.

“Hypocrite”, Paula mumbles under her breath. Papa stops dead in his tracks, turns around and delivers one sharp slap across Paula’s face.

“Hector, no!” cries Lisette.

“Go to your son,” Papa growls. Lisette looks down at Paula who is holding her cheek, tears welling in both their eyes, but she walks out of the room. Papa follows her. Sebastian pokes his head around the corner, and it is then Paula realizes he had known all along what her Papa wanted to do. Paula gets up and shuts her door.

The following morning Paula is forced to go to the church and meets her betrothed, a man as old as her father if not older. She is cold and refuses to speak. Lisette pinches her back, but Paula still refuses to speak. Papa tells her to wait outside. Paula takes several long slow breaths and turns to the noise of a bus rumbling down the streets, headed for Los Angeles. Paula took another breath and knew with the little money she had saved; it could be enough for one bus ticket. She is pulled from her thoughts when her father grabs her elbow roughly and drags her to the truck.

“I am a man who lives by the word of the Lord. What I do is right, and you will submit! You had a sinful mother, and her path led to her death!” The family rides back in silence but Lisette keeps her gaze on Paula.

That night, when Paula is sure the family has gone to bed, she begins to pack her bags. She will have to walk to the station and has in her possession a map she found in the kitchen. That would have to be enough. Just as she clicked her bag shut, Lisette steps into her room with a small lamp. Paula is startled, but Lisette walks up to her and pulls out money from her sewing kit. It is a substantial amount in American dollars. Lisette tells her that this money was meant for her to leave one day. She was too afraid to, and now with the children, there is no hope left.

“Sebastian is well loved, he will have a lot of opportunity here”, Lisette whispers. “There is a bicycle by the shed so you can get there faster”. She rushes Paula out the side door, but Paula stops, turns around and hugs her tightly, Lisette taken aback touches her head and gently pushes Paula towards the shed.

Paula arrives at the station just as the sun is rising and the first bus of the day is waiting. This bus is heading to Los Angeles. She boards and finds a seat at the very back so she can look out the window as the bus rolls away, crushing what is left of an old wasp’s nest.

Fin