Ripple's Edge

The air is cold and nips at my hands where my sleeves do not cover. My hands rest lazily on the steering wheel as I cruise down the foggy gravel road. My friends are singing along to some trendy pop playlist and none of the songs are ones I know. I enjoy old music. Music that some people in my generation would hear and turn off with pure disgust.

Emily, my friend of 15 years, reaches to the rubbery volume nob and cranks the volume up to 43.

"No," I said with a certain sternness that reminded me of my mother. "Way too loud." I give the nob a good spin and the volume goes down to 27.

"C'mon Afro."

I give her a hard look. One that reminds her not to call me that. She slams her mouth shut and faces forward, foot still tapping to the beat of the song.

My mom named me Aphrodite, like the goddess. She had a passion for mythology. She studied it in University and then became a professor so she could teach it. Aphrodite was her favourite and I never got to know why. I never would either.

Sam pipes in from the back, yelling over the wind and the music, "We need to pull over. I have to pee."

"It's starting to rain." The fog is getting thicker by the second and the rain is making sharp pings off the windshield. I watch one raindrop travel all the way down, collecting others on the way. I pull over slowly, hearing the gravel crunch beneath the tires.

Sam hops out with a certain speed that I have only seen from her once. She goes over to a collection of trees just at the edge of the lake. We sit there waiting with a patience that I didn't know any of us possessed. I can just barely see the cottage at the end of the road.

The rain started coming down faster. I couldn't help but remember the last night I saw my mom.

The headlights shone through the rain covered windshield as cars drove past. She was mad at me for something and I still couldn't figure out what. She kept looking at me with a pure disappointment that I have never seen. She sped up with each pause in her words. 150. 160.170. The road was wet and the rain kept falling. Hitting the windshield with a ping. She looked at me again and held my gaze. I hear a horn blare and felt my head jerk back and smash against the seat. I open my eyes and turn to my mom, now impaled by a piece of car that I don't recognize, a series of cuts on her face from the now shattered windshield, a deep slice along her neck from the seatbelt. She's coughing and making a deafening gurgling noise. She smiled at me, the disappointment gone from her face. Her eyes close and her head falls.

My friends are saying my name, trying to get my attention. I look and Sam is back in the car. I slowly move back onto the road and drive to the cottage.

///

We drive another 15 minutes down the gravel road. The mist is getting thicker and I didn't this that would be possible. We get to the huge driveway and I can see the dark brown log cabin. I pull up in front of the porch and put the car in park.

Sam jumps out of the car and runs inside, calling one of the top bunks. I open the trunk, feeling the rain hit my face. I grab the bags and start pulling them out. Handing them off to any arm that's out. I close the trunk and walk up to the front door. Everyone is already inside and I can hear them running up the stairs tp claim their temporary living space.

I reach for the door handle and catch my reflection in the window. I look tired and hollow. The dark shadows under my eyes give me the resemblance of a Tim Burton character. I sigh almost dramatically and open the door.

"I'm home." I mumble. I trudge up the carpeted stairs, feeling the squelch in my shoes. I kick my shoes off and down the stairs. There is darker grey footprints from where I was standing. I walk up the rest of the way, feeling the nostalgia of the smooth wooden handrail and the brightness of the cabin.

"So, you have the bottom bunk and Marcie's on the top," Sam made sure she had the top. She always does. I glance at the alarm clock that's been plugged in since we left 2 months ago. 9:33pm. "We should just unpack our blankets and worry about the clothes and stuff tomorrow." I have an odd tone when I say this. Almost like I am my mother.

"Good plan." Emily says with the soft look and the sympathetic eyes. She hasn't stopped looking at me like that since that night. We all climb into our beds and say goodnight. I hear Marcie start to snore softly and can hear Sam talking in her sleep. I hear the rain pattering on the window and the tree scratching the glass. There's an unsettling feeling in my stomach but the last few months has been full of those. I don't sleep much that night.

///

5:00am. I hear people starting to turn in their beds but no ones awake yet. I climb out of my bed carefully and slip on my shoes. I step outside and close the door behind me gently. It's still raining but in the beautiful way. The calm fall if the drops. Almost like a dance. I stand there with my eyes closed and just listen. It's the best sound that someone can hear.

I open my eyes for just a second. Just to see what I could see. I see the thick tree line and the edge of the lake. I hear a splash in the water and a bird fly from the trees.

I close my eyes again.

More silence. Only the sound of the rain. And then the voice.

"Go." It's a whisper. Almost something that you wouldn't have been able to catch. Go where?

"Go." It says it louder this time. More bold then anything else. I can't tell if the voice belongs to a boy or a girl. At first, I thought it was a girl. But then it was echoed by a boys voice.

I walk down the steps of the porch. I don't know what I was walking towards or if it was a good idea.

"GO!" The voice screams in my head and I flinch. I walk towards the edge of the lake. The ground gets softer and I can feel my feet starting to sink. I reach the edge of the lake and look into the water.

"Home." The voice sounds demanding but at peace. Like what I did was fulfilling.

"This isn't my home." I try to sound as defiant as possible but my voice breaks. I feel a hard hand against my back and I'm pushed forward. I scream but no one comes. I'm thrashing in the shallow water, trying to connect with anything. I stop and open my eyes. No one is there. I turn around and face the lake. I can feel my breath and the quiver in my lip.

I blink and the next thing I know, I'm underwater. Something is holding my head under and I can't breathe. I try to relax. I stop thrashing trying to convince them I lost consciousness. I open my eyes and see her.

Her face. Her hair. Her smile. Except it isn't her. It's my imagination. I'm dying. I couldn't save her and it came back to get me. I couldn't get us both away. I walked out alive when I shouldn't have. My mom was a causality.

I feel myself float to the surface of the water. I can't move my arms or legs. Or fingers or toes. I can only think. My eyes are open but I can't see out of them. I can see as if I am in third person.

I see my body over it's shoulder. I walk in front of it to see who it really is. He looks at me. He smiles. I sob. None of it matters now. I'm dead. My Mom's dead. He isn't. She wanted a divorce and he thought it was my fault.

I wish my mom could know. I wish she wasn't in the car with me. I wish she didn't feel like she had to defend me against him. My mom deserved better.

I see my body hit the forest floor with a thump that was different kind of scary. There is already a hole.

He throws in my body and fills in the hole.

"I love you, Aphrodite." He says this with a twisted smile. My dad turns and leaves without looking back.