Revenant

I sat upright in my bed with such violence that my head reeled with confusion as it tried to awaken and catch up with my startled body. For a moment, all I could make out were the hands of darkness maniacally pressing down on my eyes. My breath rasped sharp and shallow. An intrusive, mid pitched droning coupled with a high-pitched beeping pulsated in my head. It took a few seconds for my dazed brain to realize this is what had woken me up. The flashing red light of the alarm skittered like a spider across my room and crawled into my bed.

No. I thought. It’s only a test.

I tore away my comforter and ran tip toed to the door. I placed my ear on the brittle wood holding the door knob like a talisman. My breathing paused as I strained to hear past the alarm. Under the droning, I could hear sounds of terror emanating from the hallway. I waited, still listening hoping the other sounds wouldn’t come.

Maybe it really is a fire.

Fear slithered and wound itself up my body, squeezing my lungs.

"One". I breathed in. "Two". Breathe out. "Three". Breathe. "Four". Breathe. "Five".

I knelt to the floor and placed my body along the wall beside the door with my left hand I turned the door knob. Slowly, carefully. I let the gap widen, only far enough barely to see. I leaned over and peered into the flashing light. The dim emergency lights were casting their own eerie glow. All I could see was the other side of the hall and the edge of an unprotected doorway.

Ok, a little more. It’s ok, ok.

I let in more light, leering around the safety of my doorway towards the emergency exit. Nearly thirty people were packed up against the high steel doors, insects crawling all over each other. Some were pushing the door, some frantically pulling it. Others were trying to turn back, while those at the back of the crowd pushed forward. My neck seemed to creak defiantly as I forced my head to the left. The shattered glass of the entrance doors glittered in the pulsing light across the carpet. I saw weak bodies slumping towards the crowded exit and the mingled sound of rattling groans dawned upon me amid the rest of the chaos. As I gazed stupidly on, one lurched across my doorway, its shadow towered over my crouching body. I tried to shrink into the floor as I pressed the door back to its frame.

“Slow, slow, shhh”. I begged myself.

It closed with a slow satisfying click and shuddered before it, still clinging to the glittering knob.

"One". breathe in. "Two". Breathe out. "Three". Breathe in. I let out a sob and quickly smothered the sound with my hand. I heard a whisper.

"Calm down. It didn’t see you, it’s distracted by the insects in the hall there’s no reason for them to notice you". The familiar voice came from under the bed.

“Under the bed! the plan”. I recalled with a guilty sense of relief. I crawled on all fours back to the bed, reached underneath it and pulled out the long rope of sheets with a slipknot tied at each end.

I thought about plan A and how long and tedious that road was. Then I considered plan B, staring at the slip knot hungrily. It wasn’t much better than plan A, but it was quick and easy. Either way, the sheets should hold. I looked to the window on the other side of my bed and looped one end of the sheet over the silver hook glittering like a blade in the moonlight. I pulled the slipknot tight around it and looked down the brick wall into the parking lot at the mess of bodies below. They were scuttling around like cockroaches trying to regain the safety of darkness. Some were throwing possessions into their cars and trying to drive out of the lots, but the exits were blocked with other panicked drivers. Others were running with no purpose or plan as a mass of bodies determinedly jerked and twitched after them.

“None of them are getting out of here”. I said prophetically.

I looked longingly at the loop in my hand. My "just in case I give up. Fuck it all, slip knot".

“There isn’t even anyone around who could think less of you. Their all gone now”. My disembodied voice whispered

“Shut up”. I said aloud to it.

I reached for the emergency backpack under the windowsill and slung the straps onto my shoulders. I gazed beyond the field towards my lonely red hatchback parked beneath a streetlamp. The gravel lot was the farthest one from the University dorms and on its far side lay a grid road, leading right out of the city. I parked it there six months ago when I first arrived at the colony. Since then, once a week in the middle of the night, so no one else would get smart and ruin my plan, I had meticulously gone over my emergency exist list. I checked the battery and checked the fluids, even changed the oil when I got hold of some premium. I examined my tires, exchanging them when I found newer ones. I worked the windshield wipers and listened carefully for any untoward sounds to indicate a breakdown. I also hoarded and rotated gasoline containers. I Didn’t know shit about cars, but the ritual made me feel better. I rotated my food and water stores whenever I could. Swapping out newer food as I filched it, or halved my rations to make my quota. I had the foresight to put glow in the dark spray paint along the bottom of the street lamp in case the light burnt out. It did. All I could see in the abandoned lot was a little green beacon, my own tiny light house. I looked out the window again. The area was clear enough, as good as it was going to get anyway. I threw the loop out of the window and watched it drop onto the pavement below.

“You’re afraid of heights”. Said the voice.

“Shut up”. I grumbled.

“Remember when you and Delaine went rock climbing? You just froze there. The guide had to crawl down the rock face with you the whole way”.

“I remember”. I grunted.

I swung my leg through the window, turning to face the wall.

Delaine thought it was the funniest thing ever.

I swung my other leg down and slowly began walking down the brick wall.

“Delaines dead. Ha”! The voice shouted jubilantly.

“Yeah”. I said distantly and took another step downward.

“Did you hate her? She loved you. God! you must have hated her”. It jeered.

“Shut up”. I told it tonelessly. “five, six, seven” I started counting the steps down. I had estimated there would be around fifty steps. I did not want to be forced to look down to check. My arms began to ache, but I didn’t stop. My rest wasn’t planned until step twenty-five.

“Finally”. I sighed. I waited the allotted forty-five seconds, letting my weight rest a little on my legs.

“Do you think she’d still be alive”? My disembodied voice asked.

I was starting to wonder just how crazy I was really becoming. I swear these past couple weeks I could really hear it. Whenever it had spoken I’d have to look up at the person next to me to see if they’d heard too.

“Yeah”. I told it. “A lot of people would be, you know, if it had only been, and what if this or that”.

“You mean, if only she hadn’t, and what if you…” It mocking voice trailed.

Fuck. I thought angrily. How do I shut it off? I counted the last second of my break and resumed my step count. Step forty-five was the look down step to check the area was still clear. I was closer to the ground than I had anticipated, and I was only lucky now that there was nothing in my proximity.

“Stupid” I muttered. “Do you wanna live or not”?

“Stupid is as stupid does” The voice mimicked the slow drawl of Forest Gump.

“God! Shut up”. I hissed.

I let go of the rope for the last few steps. Also stupid. All I needed was a sprained ankle.

“You’re in the jungle now baby, you gonna die! The voice screamed, laughing manically.

“Ugh, What’s wrong with me”? I groaned.

“It gets worse here every day. You learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play.” It continued to sing.

I began a mad dash in the direction of my car. I ran ten meters and stopped by a micro bus, using it for cover while I checked my path again. There was a shuffling sound to my left. I turned and was horrified to see Terry. His beautiful face was scrunched up and wet. His leg lay contorted unnaturally at his side. Yesterday it was his job teach the kids survival skills. Today he would die. His deep, forest Green eyes met my own and he began towards me. His once cute, upturned nose was swollen, and gushing blood. He was outgoing, a great leader and asset for the colony.

Such a beautiful Man. A sweet guy. I my thoughts groaned with some longing.

“Good kisser, and other things”. Said the voice.

My stomach flopped.

“Think he loves you?” It cajoled.

“Tanaya”. Terry croaked. His voice seemed to ring with some relief.

I looked down not without some shame and forced myself under the vehicle that was shielding me.

“Tanaya.” He called again. His pitch changed as he realized the betrayal.

There were seven or eight bodies lopping towards us. They were closer to me than him, but I knew when I went out of their field of view, they would forget me. The angle I went in forced me to look his way while I was under the bus. His face seemed to stretch downward as he realized what was coming for him. He squeezed his eyes shut. I never saw that shade of green again.

“I wanna hear you scream!” The voice sang gleefully.

Terry began to scream as the bodies fell on top of him. He twisted onto his back trying to fight them off. He was fit and very strong.

“Could tear a bra right in half with his bare hands” The voice said with sarcastic somberness.

He flung the first two off and tried to sit up, tried desperately to get his feet underneath him, but the bodies kept falling on top of him. They began pulling and tearing at him as blood spurted from his abdomen. His fearful screaming became pitched with pain. I didn’t waste time watching Terry die. I snaked, dragging my belly along the under carriage of the bus and came out on the other side. Terry’s screams piled out on top of each other and the other bodies changed their trajectory.

I sprang up sprinting towards the slough ditch, the last obstacle between me and my car. I got down, laying in the reeds. I waited, listening intently, Terry’s screams subsided into gurgling sputters, then stopped. My plan anticipated that they’d see me. It was the least controlled part of it. My survival now depended on whether the bodies would become distracted enough by the screaming of the others to change their direction away from myself. If I could sit still long enough for that distraction to take hold. I held my breath. Some bodies had wandered farther away from the main building and there wasn’t a lot of action happening near the ditch. The area of the darkened parking lot was swarming with bodies. They had wandered over from the other side of the field towards the noise and flashing lights. I knew they would, but I had hoped that the screaming of my peers would last longer. To my horror, my comrades had died out much faster than I thought and the noise of their death rattles and honking cars had too quickly began to subside. These monsters were going to wade around the ditch until they found what brought them here. I raised my head and chanced a look at my car.

Three hundred meters, maybe. I thought. The sea of bodies floated aimlessly around between me and my lighthouse. I wondered if I could even get through them.

“Dig through the ditches and burn through the witches”. The voice bellowed.

I started and sucked in a gasp. I pressed my face into the dirt before the sound could become audible. The voice began laughing gleefully, like some cheesy cartoon villain.

“Fuck you”. I spit venomously.

The voice’s glee cut was cut off abruptly. “Look over there”. It said with earnest.

I looked up and to the far right of my hatchback. In the distance was the nurse’s education building, there had been a lot of people living there. Right now, there were a lot of bodies swarming through its yard towards the parking lots, and my car.

I have to hurry, or I won’t make it.

“Wait! Don’t you see”? the voice urged.

“I see my car is still clear”. I argued.

“There’s a light”. It said.

“Yeah, it’s my light”.

“No, not that one idiot. Just look” It demanded.

I looked towards the building and sure enough there was a light. I stared, momentarily distractedly trying to name the strange colour. I noticed that the bodies which had been searching for me were walking in the light’s direction. As I watched, the shape within the light slowly came into focus. As though it was on display, a human silhouette stood with ridged stillness like an out of place piece of art. I could see the shape of a ball cap protruding from its head. I squinted and the marble coloured statue became a child. The bodies were slinking towards it, yet it did not turn to run or even so much as back away.

“What will you do”? The voice asked with genuine concern for once.

“Nothing”. I spat. “I’ll get to my car. Stay with my plan. I’ll live.”

“Get to the child”. It commanded, as though it was customary for it to demand errands of me.

“No”. I retaliated

“Fuck you. You have to save the kid”.

“No”. I reiterated.

Wow. I thought. The voice in my head is telling me what to do now. I am crazy.

The bodies continued their lurching and I felt relief as their silhouettes shrank away into the light of the statue.

“What are you?” I demanded of the voice. “Leave me alone already."

“What are you?" It raged at me indignantly. “Well?"

I heard its nonexistent toe tapping, waiting for my reply. I watched the monsters gliding closer to the statue, and wondered what I was.

“How many people are you going to watch die? It won’t take anything to get to the kid and get to the car”. The voice quivered with a rage that almost choked it out completely.

“There’s too many of them. We will be over whelmed”. I retorted.

“There’s enough distance yet. If you stop wasting time, you can make it.” Wait. I think that was my own thought.

“Shit” My own stupid voice barked. I ground my teeth while clamping my eyes shut in defiance as if that would stop my body from jerking forward. Suddenly my feet planted themselves beneath my thighs and sprung my body forward towards the lot, away from the safety of my light house.

There’s something wrong with that kid. I thought. Its parents are dead and there’s no one to protect it now. Naturally, the kid should die. Here I am springing forward to save the unfit little kid, cause why?

As I closed the distance I could see the features of a small boy, his little cap covered his face as he stared at his feet. The dark shades of his t-shirt and spider-man shoes betrayed his gender.

My foot hit a pot hole. I grunted as I fell, rolling over my hands and landed on my back. I could see him clearly now standing in the light.

Where’s it coming from? I wondered, dazzled.

I ignored my bleeding hands, rolled over and pushed myself forward as though taking flight. The bodies were much closer than I anticipated, and I screamed angrily to myself about how I was going to die.

They’re practically on him for God’s sake.

My only hope now was to leave him behind when he inevitably could not keep up. Least I tried. Still I pushed to him, and still he stood motionless in that disembodied light. Finally, I reached the boy. He raised his head and locked his blue green eyes onto mine. I grabbed his hand and yanked him hard towards myself intending to carry him. As I pulled, one of the bodies grabbed hold of his other hand.

I froze.

The boy was looking around confused and frantic now, his head swung all around as though he was just waking up. He scrunched up his tiny face and burst into sobs. I was out of my mind now and could only watch myself as I yanked hard on the boy’s arm pulling his other hand free from the crackling grip of the corpse. I scooped the boy into my arms and turned to run but found that my path was blocked. The horde had surrounded us. My mouth gapped open and closed like a fish, trying to take in enough air to scream. My repulsion and desperation to get away only served as a force for me to stumble, the added weight of the boy propelled me into an all out sprawl on the ground. Still clutching him, he began to struggle. I squeezed him closer as though this would keep him safe. I watched myself in amazement as I turned over keeping the boy under me, vainly, stupidly, attempting to shield him. With my back to the monsters I waited for the smell of their rotting flesh to consume me, for the feeling of their prodding fingers on my body, searching for my flesh. I thought of the way Terry had screamed.

The rush of corpses never came. I opened my eyes and was met with the boy’s blank questioning gaze. My eyes darted past his shoulder into the horde just feet away from us. I could see the slimy movement of the horde beyond, still slithering in the darkness towards us. Yet the ones closest to us, the ones standing in the fringes of the light stood dumb, with their arms hanging harmless at their sides. Their faces were slack and those who had eyes remaining to them gazed awestruck into the circle of the boy’s light.

Panting and becoming wild with fear I let go of the kid meaning to get rid of him and run for my life. The boy clung to my t-shirt. I pried his hands off my shoulders and pressed them into the ground while pushing my own body upwards. He reached up and grabbed me again with his arms wrapped around my waist he weighed me down like a stone.

“Let go!” I screamed.

The horde beyond the light was growing and becoming frenzied. Their moans and gnashing became a roar. Ones in the back pushed the ones in the front, shoving them to the ground and crawling over them, but as their faces entered the light they stopped in shock. I knew they’d build a wall soon enough and I’d suffocate in their stench. I could see myself choking and dying from their smell. I lifted the boy still clutching me about the ribs. As I rose he wrapped his legs around my hips. He was clinging to me like a god damn leech!

“Ugh”! I gasped with irritation.

The more I pushed him away the tighter his grip became. Until I finally gave up panting and shifted his weight higher cradling him on my hip. I tried to slow my breathing. My mouth was still dragging in air, my lungs filled and forgot to breath back out again. Seeing nowhere to go, without knowing why, I took a heavy step forward. The light casted itself in the direction I stepped and into the corpse in front of me, it recoiled.

“No, Not a recoil”. Said the voice.

In that moment the body was surrounded by the light and it seemed to fill its eyes, exposing the deep brown colour they had been in life. I saw it. Its eyes locked onto the boy. The revenant gave way, stepping backwards and crashed into another corpse. As the light cast itself beyond the first row, the other corpses also began to push backwards. They would not allow themselves to be engulfed in the light but only to be touched by the pale residue just outside of it. To make it out of the crowd I had to step over the bodies which had fallen. I tested my step with a quick jab at the rib cage of one corpse, there was no reaction. The boy buried his face into my neck and I could feel his warm tears running down the nook behind my ear. As I moved forward, the bodies parted forming two thick walls alongside us, but as the light moved away from them they closed the path following us and reanimated into a frenzy.

Don’t look back. I thought.

“You’ll turn into a pillar of salt”. The voice replied solemnly.

At that moment the boy looked around with a confused expression. I reached the haven of the lampost and squeezed into the car on the driver’s side with the boy still embracing me.

“Let go”. I said. “It’s okay now”.

The boy let go of me and slid into the passenger seat. The corpses were still moving towards us from behind the car. I looked forward, towards the highway and put it into drive. The boy climbed between the seats to the back without being prompted. I could feel the boy’s hot eyes boring into me. I flipped the rearview mirror upwards, avoiding the sight. We drove East. As the sun began to rise the light from the boy began to fade.

“Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy”. The voice whispered.

“Oh, I see”. I replied.

The boy looked towards the seat next to him.

“What’s your name”? I asked moving the mirror back so I could see him.

We looked at each other's reflections. His eyes were watering.

“Lotan”. He answered.