Privateeyeism
Privateeyeism: The belief that the toughest cases can only be solved by a combination of gritty street knowledge and dangerous-approaching-lethal levels of substance abuse
Listen to the audio version on Spotify (starts at 1:01):
(Available on all major platforms—full list)
***
On my third cigar of the morning, the job came in. This city moved in strange ways.
But I knew how to swim these currents as I bid goodbye to my friends Jack and Daniels.
A missing cat. I needed to find Felix fast before he disappeared into the hidden room at the back of the Petco forever.
I looked down at the picture ripped from the streetlight. Orange stripey boy. The gleam of hope still flickering in his eyes.
God willing, I might reach him before it died permanently.
Turning down an alley, I heard trashcans rattle. Ahead, pronounced cheekbones and the left set of whiskers shorter than the right.
The color seemed a bit off, but it had been five minutes since my last cigarette.
Felix seemed to recognize his savior, settling into my arms and purring away beneath oil-stained fur.
Only then did I realize I had violated my code: I had let the job become personal. I didn’t care how many greenbacks I was turning my back on. This cat wasn’t going back to those irresponsible pricks.
Now Felix is the mascot of John Cliché Private Investigations. His owners claim they found him. Only he and I know that other feline is an impostor, and neither of us is clamoring to set the record straight.
“Dumb bastards,” I remark as I scratch Felix’s chin. The oil still hasn’t come out. Ah well.
Just one more time privateeyeism held the chaos simmering beneath the concrete at bay.
About the Creator
Stephen A. Roddewig
Author of A Bloody Business and the Dick Winchester series. Proud member of the Horror Writers Association 🐦⬛
Also a reprint mercenary. And humorist. And road warrior. And Felix Salten devotee.
And a narcissist:
Keep reading
More stories from Stephen A. Roddewig and writers in Fiction and other communities.
The Final Two Minutes
Now available in print in Apocalyptales: The End is Nigh, a collection of stories of the apocalypse. *** Combat Commander Lou Dowds sat at his station, leafing through the pages of a worn paperback of On the Road. His love for Kerouac’s subversiveness had always drawn suspicious gazes from his superiors in the straight-laced and stiff-backed United States Military.
By Stephen A. Roddewig2 years ago in Fiction
Logic and reason are not always explanation enough.
Logic and reason are not always explanation enough. Understanding is elusive He sat looking at the half empty glass but not seeing it, he was cold but not feeling it, he was in pain but not hurting from it. His mind was numb, his memory a jumble of conflicting events, as if from a nightmare but were in fact real. The phone rang for a long time before it gained his attention and then he tried to turn it off, an automatic reaction against coming back to reality. His mind preferred the numbness to anything else that was available. In this distracted state he accidentally accepted the call and put it onto speaker, the voice from the speaker jolted him into giving it his full attention. This was a call from the dead. The voice was full of concern, “where are you John, why haven’t you called, what is going on?” Even to his own ears his tone sounded subdued, defeated, “I am in the cabin, in the woods but I am OK will call you later” and he turned the phone off both ending this call and not accepting any other.
By Peter Rose4 days ago in Fiction
Comments (5)
Delightfully catty.
This was so funny, I can’t believe I missed it before. If this doesn’t place I’m going to riot.
Lol. Someone sure does smoke a lot…Hilarious entry, my friend. The purrfect vignette to go along with your word.
This is so well executed, hilarious and brilliant.
This is so fun! Perfect noir narrator, too. Such a great read, Stephen, and a fantastic word and story.