Presidential Pranks

George smiles at himself as he holds up a hand mirror, reflecting the stately sitting room behind him. The blues of the couches and yellows in the wallpaper outline his grin. He’s trying his best to hold back his laughter. It’s not going well. He wants to show off.

“Martha.” No answer.

“Martha!” Still nothing.

“Come on Martha, the kids are going to love this!”

Martha glances up from her needlepoint, annoyed. “George, you’re trying to be the leader of this New World, you can’t be pulling jokes like this. Do you really want your legacy to be childish pranks?” She starts stabbing her needle through the fabric just a little harder than necessary.

He admires himself again. This is going to be hilarious. John will appreciate this.

“Martha.” Silence.

“Come on Martha”.

She sighs and sets down her loom. “What, George?”

“Let’s write a letter to John Adams, he’s going to love this.”

“You can write it, what do you need me for? I’m so close to finishing this tablecloth for this weekend’s dinner.”

He puts the mirror down on the mantle and turns on his heels. “Martha, why are you working so hard on this? No one notices the tablecloth. It’s just another dinner with friends.”

“Deborah notices.”

“My dear. Who is Deborah?”

“Ben Franklin’s wife. Didn’t you hear her comment last month about how the flowers didn’t line up on the edges?” She shakes out the fabric covering her legs and chair. “It was quite rude and I won’t have it happen again.”

It’s George’s turn to sigh.

“Excuse me, sir? I don’t mean to interrupt.” Frederick timidly enters the room, eyes down. “Are you ready to go to the school house?”

“Yes, yes Freddy, I am but I’ve told you, when it’s just the family, you can call me George.”

“Your horse is ready… George.”

“Thank you. Martha, let’s finish this discussion at dinner”, George proclaims as he strides out the door.

—--------------------------------------

Standing at the front of the classroom, George peers around, unsmiling. He slips his hands into his pockets, trying to appear relaxed. He’s clearly up to something. His energy is off-putting.

“Hello boys, I’m Lieutenant General George Washington.”

“Hello Mr. Washington” the class choruses simultaneously.

“Your teacher Miss Brown has invited me to speak to you about the importance of leadership. While right now you are quite young, it’s never too late to think about how you too can serve this new country.” He pauses for dramatic effect, just like Martha told him too.

After a sharp inhale, he’s ready to continue. A small child in the second row raises his hand timidly.

“Yes, son.”

“Mr. Washington?” he mumbles.

“Speak up, child, I can’t understand you.”

Henry shifts in his seat, uncomfortable. “Is it true… you… like… jokes?”

George laughs, “quite so, sonny, quite so. Why? What have you heard?”

Relieved, Henry's excitement is palpable, along with the rest of the class. It’s the ultimate icebreaker. The student’s voices start to overtake each other as they ask questions over each other about the infamous George pranks.

“I heard you stole John Adam’s horse!” one shouts.

“Did you really send a blank sheet of paper to Thomas Jefferson to make him think he was losing his mind?” another yells.

“You gave out cans of beans to children for Halloween!” a child wheezes trying not to giggle.

Henry interjects, trying to be heard of the roar, “Wait, wait. That one’s true! My cousin’s friend’s parents didn’t know what was in the can. They thought it was fruit!” He was cackling so hard, he had to run out of the room to the outhouse.

“My father said you know a way for people to harness lightning!” The entire room burst into laughter. There’s no way that can be true.

Fighting for his breath, little Colin called for everyone’s attention. “Wait guys, wait! I’ve got the best one! Is it true George, that you mailed poop to all of your enemies?”

The room goes wild, boys are banging on their desks, trying to catch their breath.

“Calm down, children, calm down.” George raises out his arms, pushing down the air as if he’s pushing the children into their seats. They finally settle down enough for George to be heard again.

“Now children, do you really think I want my legacy to be my REALLY amazing pranks?” He looks around the classroom as serious as he can be.

It is dead silent. Is he serious? Is he angry? Have they gone too far?

George cracks a tight lipped smile.

The boys steal glances around at each other. Still uncomfortable.

He can’t hold it in any longer. He smiles his biggest smile, showcasing his latest prank… wooden teeth.