Poor Kid 2

I sat, waiting for the bus to take me home. Today had been boring. My teacher Ms Bel gave us a new book to read. It’s so big. It’s got chapters! And no pictures!

My friend Anna’s dad came back from the war, which made me sad because my dad is still over there. I miss him.

The bus pulled up, and I got on, buzzing with excitement and jealousy, waiting to tell Mum and my sister El about Anna’s dad. Maybe that means Daddy will come home!

“Hey, Becky!” my friend Jamie yells, “check out my new toy car!” and the bus ride began.

When I finally got home, Mum waved to Steve, the bus driver, and we went inside, and she made me and El a jam sandwich. We were talking about Anna and her dad and school and how Mum wanted to go to the movies next weekend with our Auntie Shelly, when we got a phone call.

“Becky, your turn” Mum said. I jumped up and answered the phone.

“Hi! I’m Becky! What’s your name?” I yelled. I heard the man chuckle.

“How are you, Becky? My name’s Johnny. Is your Mummy there?” he asked.

“Sure is!”

“Can I please speak with her?” Johnny asked me.

“Sure! Mum! His name is Johnny!” I said. Mum smiled and took the phone from me.

“Hello John. Sorry about Bec. She had a good day” she said. I couldn’t hear the response because it was muffled. El and I watched Mum and Johnny talk, and I could tell something bad was going on because Mum’s face fell, and she went white and shaky, and her voice shook when she spoke and her eyes were red and puffy.

“Okay, thank you, John. Yes. Have a nice day. Goodbye” she said. Her voice was sort of scratchy. She came over to the kitchen table and sat down.

“Mummy? What’s wrong?” El asked. She still called Mum ‘Mummy’ because she’s a baby.

“Elizabeth, Rebecca, come here and sit down. It’s about your dad.”

“What? Is he coming home now?!” I asked, jumping up and down excitedly.

“No,” I stopped jumping, and a tear slipped down her face. “No, he’s not coming home now. He’s not coming home ever. Oh, girls, he’s gone!” And she started crying. I’d never seen Mum cry like this.

“What do you mean he isn’t coming home!?” I cried, my heart thumping in my head, tears springing to my eyes. “You mean he’s gone gone!? Like Jay’s dad!?” My voice rose.

“Yes, like Jay’s dad” Mum whispered, nodding her head. I started to cry, wailing loudly. Dads gone! I was screaming.

“He cant leave us!” El screamed, and she started screaming in tears too.

“Oh, girls” Mum gave us a hug, still sobbing.

“I miss Daddy!” I cried.

“I do too” Mum whispered.

* * *

It has been twelve years since Dad’s death, and Mum just hasn't been the same since. She blames us. Ellie and I. Like it’s our fault he died in the war. I guess she’s right. We should have tried harder to make him come home, should have dressed prettier, been sportier, been more...perfect. Then maybe he would have come home. But he didn’t. And it’s our fault.

We couldn’t blame ourselves more than Mum does.

My counselor says that I need to ignore the negative thoughts that I get, and she says the same for Ellie too. The negative thoughts Mum gives us. She has been giving us for years. ‘You’re hopeless’, ‘can’t do anything right!’ and my favourite ‘You killed your father’ were the words that greeted us when we walked in the front door.

I was waiting to pick up Ellie from high school. I was sitting in my Subaru Impreza, smoking, with the window down.

The bell rung and Ellie came running out, black hair down around her pale face.

“Hey Beck,” she said.

“Hey El” I replied casually, butting the smoke out and turning the car on. As I turned the key, my phone rang loudly, echoing an angry Green Day song into the empty space of my car. I grabbed it and answered it quickly, to tell whoever is calling to fuck off.

It was the hospital.

“What?”

“Miss Rittsgard?”

“Yeah, that’s me”

“I have some news. It’s your mother. There was an accident.”

I floored it.

“She had a particularly bad stroke.” Dr. Mathieu Sanderson said to Ellie and me as we bustled down the hospital hallway.

“Well, how long has she got left?” I snapped, getting straight to the point.

“I would say, no more than a day, at the most. I'm sorry.”

“A day! You’re telling me that our mother is going to die in 1 day, and you waited to tell us now!” I yelled. My body temperature was rising, and so was my heart beat. It was pounding in my head, a throbbing pulse making me almost scream.

“I’m sorry-”

“No! No you’re not! You haven’t had to lose both parents and live a shit life! Don’t talk about things you don’t understand!” I was beyond angry now. The Devil himself would have backed down to me if he met me now. I ran to my Mum’s room, Ellie following behind me.

I burst in, to see a woman lying in the bed, if that’s what you could call her. My anger faded to a dull pulse in my chest as I looked at the wretched pile of meat and bone lying on the bed. Her face drooped on one side, drool spilling from her lips. Her eyes, once so bright and beautiful, were dull and miserable. Her hair, once so long and shining, was matted and flat from lack of care. She groaned when she saw us, a pitiful sound, like the groaning of a dying animal.

I sunk to my knees next to my beloved, though hateful, mother.

“Mum...I’m sorry! We could have helped!” I said, around a lump in my throat, and through soft tears starting.

“Get out of here, stupid, ugly tramp!” she mumbled, her words slurred, her once honey-like voice now the sound you would imagine coming out of a rat.

“Please, Mother, no more fighting. Let’s just have our last minutes in peace. It’s what Daddy would have wanted” Ellie said quietly, her voice also choked out with tears.

“NO! DON'TELLME'OTD'RELL'DVE'ANTED! Darrell'dve wan'ed me. Wi'out you." She ended this with another soul-wrenching groan, angry even in her state.

“Mother, please” Ellie whispered, her voice breaking, “I don’t want you to die hating your only daughters!” But it was too late. Mum was fading, we could see it. Screw the one day the doctor had given us.

With tears gleaming in my eyes, I whispered, “Mummy, I love you”

And in her eyes I saw something change. As she looked at us both, I saw her eyes soften, and a twitch of a smile that hasn’t been seen in twelve years show again.

I was both upset and glad to hear my mother’s carefully spoken last words.

“I...love...you...too...”