Somebody has got to be messing with me.
I went out to the lake to celebrate alone. Finally, I beat out Duke! Pompous ass, spouting conspiracy theories, trying to win formal debates, the basis of our grades.
By winning the final round against him, I get the top grade. Facts and science for the win! I had him frothing within five minutes.
Sweet, beautiful, satisfying. And he fails automatically, has to re-take the class. Expensive in our little elite ivy college. Embarrassing to his parents, who chain public image to purity.
So what’s a typical alien ship doing, hovering over the lake, when I’m not drunk?
I looked around for a holographic projector.
Or a camera crew.
Guide wire?
I was either dreaming some amazingly clear and realistic vision, or the raccoon that got lifted up in a beam of light was an amazing actor.
When a cow touched down a few moments later, that made me laugh. Bessie was the college mascot. She ended up in some amazing locations. If this was why, that explained a few escapades.
But laughing out loud was a mistake, because the next beam of light came for me.
It wasn’t like you’d think. Yes, I couldn’t move, but I wasn’t panicking. And they don’t look like the usual images, either. But they are greenish.
They can “speak” telepathically, kinda. You get the gist of what they mean. So, yeah, I got probed, but it’s nothing like what they claim, and it feels nice. Look, if they can hoover you up with a tractor beam thing, they can certainly probe you painlessly, and stick you back on Earth with no harm.
Small wonder Bessie is so docile, with this kind of health care.
They laughed silently over that. Their laughter, it’s much more flavorful. Like watermelon for hilarity, and lemon for nervousness.
Once I got my tune-up, they were ready to send me back, but wanted to wait till they fueled up. They gestured to the water.
Rest stop.
Why was there life on this dinky planet on some far-flung appendage of the Milky Way?
Because they needed a fueling station here.
They set it up to have a lot of water basins, because that’s what they eliminate. Pure water.
We evolved from some bio-peptides that hitched a ride in their, um, poop.
They eat our pollution, give us pristine environments. Which we can’t help but foul up, which is used by the next group of space travelers.
And suddenly I was back on the lake shore, and a reverse comet was streaking away.
I felt obligated to tell the campus shrink.
He laughed, scratching his arm a bit. The skin fell off in sheets, exposing a greenish arm underneath.
Didn’t it occur to you, that rest stops need janitors?
It pulled out a portable light beam, caught me trying to bolt out of the chair.
Relax, we’re just going to make sure you can’t communicate your experience. Unlike Duke, this should work properly...
About the Creator
Meredith Harmon
Mix equal parts anthropologist, biologist, geologist, and artisan, stir and heat in the heart of Pennsylvania Dutch country, sprinkle with a heaping pile of odd life experiences. Half-baked.
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More stories from Meredith Harmon and writers in Fiction and other communities.
Perchance to Dream. Runner-Up in 500 Word Shockwave Challenge.
I wasn’t too thrilled when the new neighbors moved in. Look, I don’t care if they’re gay or not, really, but… did they have to be next door? Oh, don’t look at me like that, I just don’t want to be close enough to hear their extracurriculars, and you know this development’s walls are paper thin. One can only do so much with noise-cancelling headphones.
By Meredith Harmon10 months ago in Fiction
Comments (1)
Put 'em up! Put 'em up! Your Dukes, that is! Always make sure the job you've done is a thorough one. It's always embarrassing when someone else has to clean up your mess. So much fun, Meredith!