Partners or Lovers in Crime

PARTNERS OR LOVERS IN CRIME

Stepping into the closed-off room, I could sense tension building at a rapid pace as I searched for an available table and seat. The room was painted with dark red walls and did not manage to allow any wall decor, the walls empty, somehow making the room appear smaller and more confined than it truly was. I took a deep breath and sat down on one of the few available seats, quickly sitting up straight as the worn-down cushion dug into my rear, bringing me to feel more uneasy than I had previously felt due to how quiet and reserved everyone was, the dark walls leaning in as I sat down. I shifted in my seat and slowly lifted my head, peering around the room to take in the people surrounding me and noticing that most of the people were staring at the ground with a longing sadness in their eyes, their eyebrows drawn downwards, and their bodies slumped in their worn-down chairs. Some people, rather than sadness, carried anger in their eyes, a sharp fire piercing through their bright orbs, their brows furrowed and their face in a growing grimace, —if any emotion at all—all the while keeping their gazes elsewhere.

A few years ago, I would not have pictured myself sitting in the waiting room of a prison, let alone visiting someone dear to my heart in prison—but here I am, doing the unthinkable and wishing this situation was still improbable. It felt wrong to be sitting in the lobby while he is currently behind bars; as my hands are dirty as well, maybe even more so than his, as he has had time to reflect on the actions that we both committed, but I have only had time to wallow in my fear. The room was quiet and smelled strongly of antiseptic, banter being on the back of everyone’s mind, as they had no intention to bring up the cause of their turnout and who they were convening with, anxiety killing any chance of small talk.

Though the room was pin-drop silent at most times, there was the faintest reverberation of weeping, picking up and seizing position in the far-right corner, where an elderly lady sat in a baby pink crocheted jumper and dark blue dungaree jeans. She held more sadness in her eyes than everyone in the room combined, her complexion tinged with brilliant pink cheeks and lips, her face a pasty ashen. Although she was a stranger, part of me itched to embrace her and reassure her that all will be well soon. None of us wanted to be sitting in this dark, depressing room, waiting to visit our person, and most likely trying to plan easy banter in our heads while reminding ourselves to not bring up the cause of their imprisonment.

“H-hey George…” An all too familiar voice spoke above me, my dark grey irises quickly darting up to meet his brown irises, the brown irises that used to carry a golden hue, the hue completely lost. His irises were golden that reflected so brilliantly off the rays of sunshine, a golden so bright and warm that every time you gazed into his gorgeous eyes, you were immediately captivated. His hair was dishevelled and nearly grown out, the faded blonde barely even grasping the tips. He was growing a stubble, the dark pricks of hair making him appear older and wiser—although, he had not even been imprisoned for a year. The second our eyes connected, memories flooded me from that night—the night that changed everything, the night that got Maxwell positioned behind bars. Both of us left with bloody hands, yet he was not auspicious enough to run in the right direction, fright quickly filling his trembling body as red and blue lights whaled upon his appearance. He was forced into an orange uniform, while I was at home, burning my blood-stained clothes to rid of any evidence that I was anywhere but home that night. Max could have easily ratted me out, as we both held murder on our hands and had done a poor job of cleaning up the evidence.

“Hey… How are you holding up?” I finally queried, motioning for him to take the seat across from where I was sitting. I kept my eyes on the floor as he slid into his seat, knowing that if I made eye contact with him, havoc would set loose, as we both held dark secrets. I glanced at his hands as he sat down, the sleeves of his orange uniform sliding up slightly, exposing his dark purple bruised, chained wrists, causing me to wince. My eyes flickered, trying their best to disobey my command to look at the floor, as they wanted to bore into Maxwell’s eyes, but I fought the urge to meet his lingering gaze.

“Stop with the small talk, George. We both know what went down that night, so stop acting all high and mighty just because you happened to slip away.” Maxwell growled under his breath, the smell of menthol and stale bread travelling up my nose. I clenched my jaw and took a deep breath, making minor eye contact with him, his irises filling with anger and a rather familiar glaze—a glaze that we secretly shared, one that most known lovers would share, but we were in hiding, unknown as lovers. I know my father would jump at the idea of two men being in… our situation, as he has quite strong opinions and does not care about the feelings involved, therefore I would rather keep what we have a secret. Maxwell has always fought with the idea of being a secret, as he has always been open with himself and his family, reminding them constantly that he has an attraction for both sides and that love is love. Anytime Maxwell gets angry, his irises always instantly glaze over with the forbidden lust and although I hate seeing him angry, I do enjoy seeing the lust in his eyes, as I want to cherish it until I die—so, do I remain happy that I can hold onto and capture his pure lust or do I back down and cower to his anger. I can never seem to reason with him when he is angry, as his words always stab me directly in the heart.

“You could have easily stagged me off, Maxwell. What stopped you from doing it? I could be in there with you, serving time for what we both did.” I brought myself to say, anger boiling up inside me due to his nasty demeanour. Eyes had begun to raise, and murmurs began to occur due to our raising voices, pent-up anger residing in both of us.

“What good would that have done, Geo? We did an awful job at cleaning up our mess, so they could have easily hunted you down, but they did not do such a thing. Either way, I do not want you here. It would only complicate everything, from the case having to reopen and you being questioned. I will not be able to look at you, converse with you, or be around you. It would kill me to see you unhappy and behind bars, it would pain me so much to know that you are suffering the way I am.” Max continued, slamming his cuffed hands on the table, his misshapen eyebrows furrowing as his voice continued to increase and grow raspy. I gulped and clenched my jaw, stiffening in my seat as I glanced around the room, wary of the eyes staring us both down. I never liked to draw attention to myself, so having all this growing attention was making me feel extremely uncomfortable. I brought my bottom lip between my teeth and nibbled on the skin on my lip, my eyes beginning to sting.

“Max, first, calm down—we don’t need to bring any more attention to us, alright? Secondly, it feels wrong to sit here and know that I have done wrong by Jess, knowing that you are suffering… I am hurting too, Max. I hurt so bad and…” I spoke, trying my best to calm Maxwell down before his temper got out of hand, instead, my emotions getting the best of me. I paused and looked up at Max, my lips twitching as I yearned for him, trying my best to fight back the urge to cry. “I… I miss you, Max. I miss you so much and living without you is so painful. I do not think I can live without you in my life. I—I think I love you." I leaned forward and whispered, not wanting the people in the visitation room to hear the words I was speaking, heat dancing on my cheeks as I admitted my feelings. I have never been one to share my feelings towards someone, as sharing never showed any form of promise, but with Max, I am certain of my feelings—which is extremely terrifying.

I slowly lifted my hand from the table and laid my hand on top of Maxwell’s, my head spinning around to see if the guards were watching; they were and they did not look amused. I quickly retracted my hand but before I could place my hand back on the table, Maxwell yanked my hand into his, his eyes piercing into mine deeply. My heart nearly burst out of my chest due to the contact, the burning contact which we had not shared in seven months.

“Geo, you drive me so wild and you… you make me a better man. Yes, we did a terrible thing together, but I was unable to breathe when I was with Jess. With you, I can breathe perfectly. That does not change the fact that I do not want you imprisoned. You mean the absolute world to me Geo and I care about you way too much to allow you to stay here. This place takes the life out of you, and I cannot have you lose your life. You are much too beautiful to lose part of yourself.” Maxwell spoke softly, a warm smile fighting its way against his lips—a smile that was nearly foreign to me. I parted my lips to objectify his sudden comment on my appearance, his words cutting in before I could oppose. My leg began to bounce uncontrollably as I became rather self-conscious, wanting people to know of our secret, all the while, not wanting anyone to know. It is our secret and part of me needs to keep it that way, as we are the ones who are sharing this secret, yet part of me wants the world to know that I love Maxwell. I wish we had a private room without all the eyes drilling into us intensely. “I think she may have loved me Geo. Love is dangerous and… I wanted nothing to do with it—not with her, at least,” He paused, making intense eye contact with me, my heart faltering once more. “So, what you did was simply just a bit of dirty work for me. Let us just forget about it, yeah? You are free to live whatever life you want to and try not to worry about the blood—it washes off eventually.” Maxwell spoke tenderly, a faltering grin twitching against his cracked lips, trying his best to reassure me that I had no reason to worry. His eyes quickly glossed over with pain, his gaze reverting to what was most likely the floor. Sure, I had been an accomplice and was only there to help him get rid of his ex, but I was there, and I left fingerprints on her, on the weapon, and even on him…

Maxwell let my hand go and quickly stood up, making eye contact with me—a newfound pain in his eyes, pain that suggested this was the last time I would ever see him and his beautiful golden-brown irises. He ripped his gaze away from me and made eye contact with the intimidating prison guards, the guards yanking Max away from the table. I quickly jumped out of my seat, and I tugged on his orange uniform, his body straining as he was being pulled in both directions. The guards glared at me and clenched their jaws, tightening their grip on Max.

“Let him go, let me say goodbye. Please, just let me say my final goodbye.” I commanded, keeping a stern face as I nearly broke down as the words left my mouth. I did not want this to be our final goodbye, but I know it would have to be. I know that Max will never let me see him until he no longer resides here.

“Geo, I have to go. My visit—” He tried to reason with me, a sorrowful expression in his eyes.

“No, no! I cannot just let you go like that. I am not finished with you! There is so much more I need to say to you, so please, Maxwell, let me. Let me speak,” I quickly spoke, my voice rising as I began to grow anxious. I could not let him leave before at least giving him a proper goodbye.

“Fine, say goodbye and then I have to go. Make it quick, Geo.” He sighed and shook his head, giving the guards a nod so they would back off. They willingly let go of Max and stepped back, my anxiety lessening as they gave us space.

“Max, I hate for this to be our last goodbye, but knowing you, you are not going to let me see you again. And because this is our last goodbye, I need you to know that I love you. I do, Maxwell. I never thought I would find anyone who understood me or cared for me, but I found you; you found me. I cannot simply let you go and walk away without knowing my true feelings for you. Love is dangerous, but I want that danger with you. I need that danger with you and only you. P-please tell me you feel the same way—please?” I took a deep breath and moved as close to Maxwell as feasible as I could, the guards’ glares becoming more intense. I blew off their stares, holding close eye contact with the man in front of me, his irises hinting at the golden hue that he used to have, the hue giving me hope.

“Geo… I cannot repeat those words back to you. I wish that I could, but I cannot. You mean everything to me, and I dearly hope that we can create a life together, but those words will not be spoken. I am sorry Geo; I know that you need to hear that I do, but not now.” Maxwell whispered under his breath, nearly inaudible—as if he had run out of breath. He truly looked pained with the words he spoke, but he meant them, and it hurt.

“Why are you such an arse? I do not understand why you cannot say those three words. If you do love me, why are you holding back? I just want you and I to be honest and stop holding back. Please, Maxwell, you are my partner, my lover in crime.” I sighed and tugged on his uniform, resting my forehead on his.

“I am sorry, Geo…” He whispered and closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against mine. Within seconds, he was yanked from my hold, the guards grabbing him; they were not going to let him go this time. He peered back at me and gave me a weak smile, a smile filled with pain and regret, a smile filled with many more secrets than he was willing to let on. I was his best mate, his secret lover, his accomplice.

“I will get you out of here, Max. I promise you; I will do everything in my power to get you out!” I began to shout after him as he left my sight, tears prickling the corners of my eyes as the sound of the guards’ shoes diminished within a tic.

I quickly walked out of the visitation room, heading towards my car as tears trickled down my cheeks, my heart aching. I could not stay in that horrid room for another second, not without Max by my side. I reached into my pocket and fumbled to grab my keys, my shaky fingers attempting to unlock my car. I eventually slid into my car and closed the door, a waterfall of tears flowing from my eyes. Have I truly lost Maxwell, just like that? Surely, I cannot lose my partner in a flash. Is my love for him not strong enough to hold us up? Did I just confess to another empty promise? I thought he was different, I thought he was more than the rest—better than the rest.