Our One and Only Night

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance, for a break that would make it ok.

Montevideo and its calm pace of life. I became one with the delicious flow. The sun seemed to be mainly just caressing the beach. The golden hour. I said hi to the sea, visually it’s usually more than enough; and yet, this time as I went past all the people sharing with each other, it made me wish: “Wouldn’t it be nice to be here with someone else?”

I looked at the view – it was the best view so far. Suddenly, I had the urge to go walk on the beach. I was sitting there and watched young lovers kissing each other. I felt love in there while watching, but at the same time I felt like the loneliest person on that beach, full of families and friend groups. I wanted to talk to someone, watch the sunset with someone, and feel loved. I’ve never felt so lonely.

Let me be empty, and weightless and maybe I’ll find some peace tonight.

I went to cross the street to the hotel –the eternal traffic lights— and suddenly a tall, masculine figure was coming down towards me, between the rivers of cars on both sides. I tried to reaffirm myself, “I’m ok alone. It’s all good.”

I headed back to the hotel. I looked at the traffic lights near. There was like a hundred people, but I saw one girl. She looked kind of sad, but at the same time calm. She was like in the spotlight there. I didn’t want to stare at her.

But as we crossed, I just wondered, imagined that he stayed at the same hotel, and he did. Finally the lights turned green and as I was walking, I couldn’t believe that she came to the same hotel as me. Imagine he’d be heading to his room, and he did! We went to the same elevator: I was behind her. Suddenly, we were two strangers sharing the same space in that elevator of that hotel. I was going to the 7th floor, He was going to the 7th floor, I was staying on the 8th, she was going to the 8th. As the elevator started moving, I felt different, like a vibration or something. At some point I almost touched her shoulder, because I wanted to see her face, but I didn’t want to seem like some freak. I felt that she also wanted to look at me and say something to me. I would’ve never dared turn and see him; as much as I wanted to. He went out.

I exit and ran to my room and pretended to look for my room key. As I headed towards my room, I turned downstairs. As she went out of the elevator, I could sense that she was watching me even though she had sunglasses. It was possible to see the floor below from the corridor, and there he was, looking up at me. I went to my room; he went to his. They were exactly in front of each other. Her door was right in front of my door in the floor upstairs. As she entered she looked at me and I looked at her. She looked so beautiful. He smiled as he entered his room. And I’m trying to smile at her, I guess. I stayed behind the door for a moment and looked through the peephole. I went inside and watched through the doorhole.

And I’d give up forever to touch you, ‘cause I know that you feel me somehow.

I wished she was also watching, then I opened the door but I guess she didn’t see. I took a shower, but couldn’t stop thinking, “Wouldn’t it be nice to share this with someone else?” I felt like an animal trapped in my room, I couldn’t think of anything else, but the person in 805. I thought of knocking at her door, but what if she’s with someone in there, partner or something. I had to know who you were. I just want you to know who I am. I thought I was crazy and yet I don’t know why, how, I took the phone in the room and called to his room, 703.

You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie.

At some point my room phone rang, I knew it was her. I picked up the phone and I heard the super shy but at the same time sexy voice asking, “Do I know you from somewhere?” A line I was thinking of while taking the shower, exactly the kind of line I would have used. What happened next: he invited me for a drink in his room. “Am I really nuts?”

She came to my room in around fifteen minutes and I offered her an alcohol drink, but I sensed that she didn’t like alcohol, her face and actions told me that she was afraid of that kind of thing. The fear increased a bit when I realized he meant alcoholic drinks. Since I don’t drink, it always makes me anxious when someone offers some to me. And yet, I felt I could trust you, I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

I need some distraction. Oh beautiful release!

He had a wonderful view. We watched the view and talked for a long time. We talked and talked, kept on talking and talking. After about an hour we finally introduced each other. Even though I know names don’t matter, I still wanted to know it. She was “Laura”, typical Finnish name – I couldn’t believe it! It was so easy to talk to him. I could just be completely open, I could just be completely me. Usually I have tons of layers, onion layers one after the other, I usually don’t let anybody in, but he just went through them all, like a knife through butter, gently and clean.

To my disappointment, she was feeling tired after a long trip and she wanted to go to sleep. I made a proposal to go to the beach and we went. I was sharing with him the same place –now completely empty— just as I wanted hours ago. At the beach I grabbed her hand and felt like we were like two swans together forever. I couldn’t say this to her. It was the most romantic thing ever. I never wanted it to end. You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be and I don’t wanna go home right now. The beach was empty, or at least it felt like there was just you and me. We listened to the ocean. I was already falling in love with her. I guess I hugged her and thought that our paths would never cross again. When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive. I was feeling a bit dizzy, maybe because of the little alcohol I had, but I really didn’t want him to leave. “Could you please stay?” I wanted to ask so badly, but he will think that I’m crazy. And I don’t want the world to see me, cause I don’t think that they’d understand. After wandering around my room for some minutes, I picked up the phone again.

I went to my room, thinking that I would call and ask for her number, but she beat me for the second time and called me first. “I have a proposal: would you come and sleep, only sleep with me. This bed is huge for me.” I just don’t wanna miss you tonight. She asked me to sleep with her! I was celebrating in my own head, but I kept it cool. “Of course I want to come to sleep with you,” I said.

.

In the arms of the angel,

far away from here,

from this dark,

cold hotel room,

and the endlessness that you fear.

.

He smelled so good. And all I can taste is this moment. We turned off the lights and hold our hands. She didn’t took all her clothes off. I was cuddling her and I felt so good. And all I can breathe is your life. The time kept on passing by, until… At some point, I guess, I started to kiss her neck and we ended up kissing and making love. So gently, so kind. He made me feel so safe and loved. I still don’t know why, how he could be so kind. We loved each other as if we had finally found one another, after a long time. I still feel goosebumps every time I remember how gentle his touch was.

You’re in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here.

I’ve never felt so loved and I tried to love her even more. After that I don’t know if she fell asleep, but I couldn’t stop staring at her. I thought, finally I have found the one and she lives in a different continent. I was afraid that she think that this is only a vacation romance. I fell asleep. I don’t know how nor why. I would usually be on guard, but I just felt so safe lying down on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Safe like I’ve never felt before. I felt finally at home.

.

And I don’t want the world to see me,

‘cause I don’t think that they’ll understand.

When everything’s made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am.

.

In the morning we took a shower together. Best shower I have ever had. As we were drying each other, I looked at her and saw how good-looking and smart children we could have, and I guess I just smiled like an idiot. I wanted to keep this in my own head, because I didn’t know if she even wanted kids or could have kids. I remember the way he looked at me in front of the mirror. Memories seep through my veins. That image was the first one I would see every time I wanted to recall his face. He looked at me with so much tenderness. I imagined seeing his face, seeing that scene of both of us hugging each other in front of a mirror forever. Is it you?

Escape one last time. It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness.

I went to have breakfast and she also came, but she was not alone and I didn’t want to interfere. As I left, I thought once more, “Would I ever see her again?” I went to my room and fell asleep. I was leaving that day, I called him to say goodbye before leaving, wanting to exchange numbers, seeing him again, maybe giving him a last hug. But he sounded very sleepy and a bit cold. We exchanged our numbers. When I woke up for real I felt bad, because I wasn’t there to say goodbye. I guess I didn’t want to do that because I wanted to see her again, but that felt just impossible. He had someone waiting for him in Finland – he told me the next day. When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am. It felt as if something shattered in my chest, but I still felt grateful for what we had that night. The best night of my life.

.

.

.

Montevideo, Uruguay, 2023

[Based on the true story of how I met my husband.]