OUR ALIEN OVERLORDS

1

Once upon a time and once upon a place in the world there was a man named John who was a writer. John was an especially serious writer which one could tell simply by looking at his room. His antique typewriter sat atop his coffee stained rustic writing table, next to his collection of used coffee mugs. The light from his purposefully vintage filament desk lamp bounced off the edges of his thick rimmed tortoiseshell reading glasses as he sat in his vintage creaking desk chair.

On this particular day whilst John was having a hard time getting inspiration to write his new story, he decided to call his best friend Frank. He did so on his rotary phone. After a few rings, Frank picked up.

Frank was a lot more laid back then John. He was NEET, and mostly smoked kush whilst laying on the floor of his furniture-barren apartment.

“Hello.. Frank?”

…

“Yoooooo duuuuuuudeeee wats upppp john” drawled Frank in response.

John had written stories about every subject under the sun and as such, for his newest story he endeavoured to write about something fresh. Frank thought of an idea to pitch to his friend.

“uhhhhhhhhh you aint wrote a story ‘bout a dude who has like.. godlike powers yet right?”

John was mildly frustrated at Frank’s suggestion as he recalled they had had this conversation at least once before.

“Frank. You are not listening. You cannot write a story about a character who has godlike powers. There would be no conflict. A story needs conflict. It needs to have peaks and valleys.” said John.

“You need to write this down so you don't forget..”

As John rambled on, Frank scrambled to find a pen and pad.

“peaks and valleys… and conflict..” mumbled Frank to himself as he scribbled into his notebook. John continued on.

“..and not to mention, there is no point in writing a story about godlike powers. Stories must be real. Gods are not real.”

Frank agreed.

“yeahh thats a fact mann. Gods are not real man”

2

After their intense phone conversation, Frank was inspired to do something a bit different for the remainder of his day. He had recently picked up a new variety of kush that he was anxious to smoke as he was saving it for a special occasion. It was marketed to him as ‘magical kush’ and he thought now was as good a time as ever to give it a try.

He used all of it to pack up a big fat blunt and smoked it till it was about halfway finished before a magical kush entity appeared before his widened eyes.

“HELLO FRANK” announced the magical kush entity. Frank was not so much taken aback. He had seen some things in his life.

“damnnn its a genie in the kush!”

The magical entity ignored Frank’s remark and continued his speech.

“FRANK. IT IS IN MY POWER TO BESTOW UPON YOU GODLIKE POWERS”

“o shiiit what a good coincidence” Frank said to himself

“YOU MUST SAY THE WORDS ‘ABRA CADABRA’ AND THEN THE POWERS OF OMNIPRESENCE, OMNIPOTENCE AND OMNISCIENCE WILL BE YOURS.”

Frank considered this proposition for a short while before deciding it would be boring to have godlike powers.

However, reminiscing on the conversation he and John had prior, he decided that perhaps John could make use of this opportunity to help him write an interesting story. He called his friend.

3

“John!”

“Hi. What's the matter Frank.”

“There’s a magical kush guy here who could totally help you out writing your story! He could give you godlike powers which could give you the inspiration you need to write a story about a guy who has godlike powers seeing as you would be a guy who has godlike powe-“

John could only suspend his disbelief for the duration of Frank’s outburst and his pragmatic mind has now taken full control.

After a long and frustrating argument, it was difficult for John to deny that his best friend was potentially insane. It was also difficult however for Frank to deny that despite John’s best efforts to shut him up, he was in fact interested in his proposition - whether he realised it or not.

Exhausted after their telephone bout, John went into his bed.

4

The following morning John woke up.

He could see everything.

He was everything.

“damn it, Frank.” he said to himself.

5

After realising what Frank had done, John appeared before his unsuspecting friend confused and irritated.

“FRANK!” bellowed John, his voice echoing around Frank's room.

“o snappp it totally worked!” said Frank.

As John materialised in front of Frank he realised that he already knew the answer to whichever question he was about to ask and all of a sudden he was overcome by intergalactic levels of apathy. Desperate to stop himself from losing the will to exist, he snapped his fingers and instantly removed his powers of omniscience.

“oh jeez” John sighed to himself.

6

Frank was excited to see his super-powered friend, although he did not really know what was going on.

“you look good bro.. you look powerfull”

John responded as he came back to his senses.

“Frank. You need to summon that kush entity again. You need to fix this.”

Frank was slightly disappointed at John’s lack of enthusiasm.

“hmph. ur the one whos got godlike powers. u can summon him urself”

The truth is, John could not summon the entity as he had no idea who the entity was or how to summon him now that he had removed his omniscience.

“besides theres no more magical kush left it.. it was too bomb to not smoke da rest” continueed Frank.

“...You have to describe him to me” John said.

After about an hour of hand-gesturing and awful attempts at description, John was able to successfully summon the entity back.

“HELLO GUYS.” announced the magical kush entity.

7

“WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU GUYS” offered the magical kush entity.

“THERE ARE NO MORE GODLIKE POWERS FOR ME TO BESTOW, TO BE CLEAR”

“AND ALSO I AM NOT A GENIE”

John interjected before the entity could say any more as he was growing inpatient.

“You have to fix all of this nonsense”

“AH. YOU WISH TO BE WOKEN UP” responded the magical kush genie.

John was confused by his question.

“uhh hes already awake bro” said Frank in an attempt to be helpful

“SILENCE FOOL” said John and the genie at the same time. John apologised shortly after.

“..What do you mean by ‘you wish to be woken up’” John asked the genie

“you wish to return to your original state?” responded the genie humbly

“yes”

the genie rumagged through the sack that he was carrying before pulling out a light emitting device.

“woah.. be careful using that - I have epilepsy” said John flinchingly

Disregarding John's plea, the magical kush entity activated the highest flash setting on the device and flashed it directly into John’s eyes.

John woke up.

8 (John Awoken)

John opened his eyes to a congregation of his brethren surrounding him.

“Welcome back sir” they greeted him.

John looked very confused.

“What's wrong sir?” they asked

John did not quite recognise where he was. He certainly was not in his room.

He did not appear to be on Earth.

He was also surrounded by Aliens.

“What is going on?” John asked quizzasiouly.

“..um..”

“you told us to unplug you from the universe that you created by flashing a light in your eyes upon your request.. sir”

“the universe i created..?” he said to himself aloud, puzzled

“…yeah..” the individual to his left replied, confused at John’s confusion

“You created a sub-reality and put yourself into it as a ‘human’-species called ‘John’.. sir..”

“John’s not my name?!” he said to himself

John cleared his throat and tried his best to speak commandingly, as he appeared to be their superior.

“For What Purpose. um.. Did I Do This”

The individuals looked at each other and then looked back at him.

“You tell us, sir..”

“We don't know..”

9

After somewhat digesting the fact that he was actually an Alien, he asked his alien brethren to put him back on ‘Earth’ as he figured that this would be the best course of action in finding out what he went through all the trouble of creating ‘Earth’ for, as well as the rest of the universe.

He also still had that story to write and as far as he was concerned, between his godlike powers from Frank and the genie; and the whole Alien business, everything was making it hard for him to focus on writing a new story.

The first thing he did was go to his friend to see what he knows.

“oh hi John bro u kinda spaced out for a sec there after that dude totally flashbanged u”

“Never mind that Frank.” John replied impatiently. “You need to tell me who I am. Who really am I to you.”

Frank was confused by the question and started rambling.

“dude ur having an identity crisis. it happens sometimes (bla bla bla)”

It dawned on John that at this time he did not have the patience to explain the Alien encounter he just had, partially because he didn’t fully understand it himself.

Frank continued rambling.

“(bla bla bla)…the best thing u can do right now is reconnect to ur family bro.”

“Family…” John said to himself. Frank had accidentally said something useful.

“Yessss family broo. Uve gotta make a list of all the family you know and totally reconnect to them dude”

“Thanks!” exclaimed John, before teleporting back to his room to begin vehemently writing down all the people he knows.

10 (Familial reconnection)

John had managed to compile a list of about two hundred humans that he was sure he knew and he hesitated no time to appear before all of them at once using his omnipresence and grill them for some information as to who he really is.

Unsurprisingly, they all screamed in horror as John materialised out of this air before them. They promptly called the authorities.

Panicked, John quickly retreated back to Frank who was now in his room watching TV.

“Dude..."

"we're on the news!”

11

After his stint at familial reconnection, the entire world declared John (and Frank) their common enemy and united to put the ‘unprecedented threats to humanity’ behind bars.

Although John could easily bust them out of their prison cell, he decided there was no point. All hope was lost in finding out the truth and he had no plan left of what to do.

Frank, who was sitting beside him, was scribbling things into his notebook (which they let him keep). He seemed to be more focused than ever.

“…aaaaand done!” declared Frank as he scribbled a final scribbling into the book.

“What are you even writing?” asked John.

“Notes”

“huh? Notes?”

“Yeah. You said I should write down what you say”

“Oh yeah. Thanks buddy” said John endearingly. He was touched at the attention Frank had given his request. “You don't have to do anything I ask anymore man”

Frank handed John the notebook before his eyes opened wide and lit up.

“REQUEST SATISFIED” blared Frank robotically

Frank opened his mouth to reveal a bright light flashing device and flashed it into Johns eyes

12

When John came-to , he was still holding the notebook. He was smiling this time

“Welcome back sir” his Alien brethren greeted him.

“It appears you are in better spirits this time sir”

“Yes,” replied J’on.

“There’s enough notes here for an excellent story”

13 - The Story:

“Once upon a time and once upon a place in the world there was a man named John who was a writer. John was an especially serious writer…”