On Reflection

There weren’t always dragons in the Valley. But there should always be caves. And that makes sense, doesn’t it? Dragons can come and go, sure. They can fly, after all. But the caves the dragons live in are just…caves. Holes in the ground and stone. They can’t leave and come back whenever they want. Or, at least, they shouldn’t be able to. They’re just caves.

There weren’t always dragons in the Valley, but there should always be caves, even though there weren’t. That’s the Realization that got my pocket mirror taken away.

Well, more specifically, saying that Realization out loud got my pocket mirror taken away. That was my fault, I should have known better. My Realizations only get me in trouble when I say them out loud, and all the other kids say I talk too much. I mean, I have to talk in order to make Memories, but I should probably talk less when I’m not doing that. Especially when we have kids like Constance, whose Specialty makes it so we don’t always have to talk to one another in order to say things. She’s gotten a lot better about not doing that on accident.

Anyway, I said my Realization about the dragons and the caves out loud, it got me in trouble with Mother, and she took my pocket mirror away.

Or, well, not exactly. I guess I said my Realization out loud and, at first, everything was fine. Mother just said, what are you talking about, and I explained about the caves. All of us kids, Mother, and Mrs. Schultz were on a hike. We could see the Valley, and there weren’t any dragons or caves that day, so I had the Realization and I said it out loud.

But then Mother said there are always caves in the Valley. Then she pointed and, somehow, there were caves even though there were no dragons. And I Realized that made sense, but didn’t make sense, because it had never made sense until it did that day. Okay, I know that last Realization was a little weird, but I think We know what I mean.

I wanted to think about it more, but then we all got tired, and Mother and Mrs. Schultz had to take us all back to the Dormphonage. And when I say tired, I mean really tired. The kind of tired like when we would all get Plagued at the same time, or when Mother would use her Specialty to hide the Dormphonage from the Outside.

After walking for a while, I got to thinking about my Realization, and it hit me. My pocket mirror might help me Remember whether or not there were always caves. Any Memory of the Valley without caves would do, since we had just seen the Valley with caves.

So I opened my pocket mirror to see if I could Remember and, sure enough, a Memory came to me almost right away. And I also remembered that Eugene got very annoyed while I was making this particular Memory because I was talking very loudly and interrupting the afternoon picnic we were all on that day. We had to wait for him to calm down because he wasn’t great with his Specialty yet. Even Constance told me to shut up with her Inside Voice. My Memories need to be made out loud, but sometimes I forget I’m not alone.

So, this is what actually got me in trouble. I told Mother that there weren’t always caves, and that I Remembered proof in my mirror. She stopped suddenly and looked at me, and I knew I had done something wrong. She was just…staring at me. I thought she might yell like she does sometimes but, instead, she said well, then I think you need a new mirror because this one must be broken, and she grabbed it from my hand. I didn’t know she was going to grab it, so I was holding on to it pretty tight. She really yanked it from me.

She said she was going to fix it, but I know it’s not broken. I have no idea when I’m going to get it back.

And now I’m going to say something out loud, but I’m going to say it quietly because this is another Realization that could get me in trouble. It’s an old one, but I really hope Reflection Me can hear this because I don’t ever want to forget it. That’s why I tell Us about it so much. Plus, it’s a secret only We know.

I can make Memories with any Reflection Me. My room doesn’t have any mirrors in it (which I always thought was weird since I use Mirrors to practice my Specialty), and I don’t want anyone to accidentally overhear me in the bathrooms. So, that’s why I’m talking to Reflection-In-A-Cup-Of-Water Me, which I hope is just as good, instead of Reflection Me. Because We know that it can be any of Us, but no one else does.

When we got home from the hike, everyone took a nap except for me. I forced myself to stay awake and look at the window as the sun was setting. When I could see Reflection Me (well, Ghost-In-The-Glass-Reflection Me) looking back, I double-checked. I Remembered, again, that there definitely weren’t always caves in the Valley. That made sense because it didn’t make sense, but I already covered that earlier in this Memory.

And now I’m going to say a new Realization out loud that would definitely get me in trouble. I’m going to say it very, very quietly. But I really need Us to hear this, because I don’t want to forget it.

Mother tells us a lot of things. She tells us that the Outside is dangerous. She tells us that we shouldn’t wander through the Valley because of the dragons, and we shouldn’t hike over the mountain because of the griffins and trolls. She tells us that us getting Plagued is normal, even though it's so different from a cold or tummy ache. She tells us that the Dormphonage is our One True Home. She tells us that we are Special, and that she loves us.

She tells us that there have always been caves in the Valley, even when there weren't any dragons. She also tells Us that our pocket mirror is broken. And We know that neither of those things are true.

And I’m Realizing that Mother might be lying to Us. All of us.

I just don’t know why.