Off the Rails

1

When John woke up, he felt a gentle rocking, not like a boat but something close to that. No, not a rocking, more of a consistent thumping. He heard a familiar sound but couldn’t place it. His eyes were open. He was sure they were, but he couldn’t see. Before he started to panic, his mind went into a familiar calm recovery mode. He thought “Don’t try and figure out that thump and strangely familiar sound just yet. What was the last thing I remember?”

2

John was back at the job site after taking a much-needed extended vacation up north. He spent most of his time up in the cabin relaxing and working on the model train that was left behind by the previous owner. He was able to read a few books and take care of a few other things while he was up there, but his mind was always on getting back to work. His first day back was exactly what he expected after so much time off. He was kept busy all day catching up and putting out fires that his boss didn’t think were important enough to pay attention to while he was gone. By the end of the day, he felt that used up feeling, like he had poured everything he had into his workday. He was just getting into his truck to leave work and that is when he heard the concrete truck. It was the last concrete pour of the day and should have been gone already, so it took him a second to realize what it was. As he looked over, he saw the concrete truck was backing into him. At this point all he could think was “He must see me. He isn’t going to just back over me.” That was when his driver-side door started to collapse into his side. As the sound of crunching metal screamed in his left ear and a searing pain shot up his left leg, John almost laughed. He felt like he was imagining he was a character in a book, a Stephen King novel that he had just read. “This doesn’t really happen. Not to real people. People like me.” That is when everything went black.

3

John slowly reached down to feel his left leg. “Everything is fine. This is just a bad dream.” He kept saying to himself, “I’ll wake up and have a good laugh about this.” His fingers touched the edge of the bandages on his leg. He pushed his hand down further and the red-hot pain that shot up his leg snapped him fully awake. “Nope, not a dream. This is for real.” His eyes were open, and he could almost see. Everything had a white film over it, like he was looking through a thin layer of gauze. His head hurt, but he needed to figure out what was going on. “Where am I, why can’t I see, and why the hell do I feel like I am moving while I am lying still?” With great effort John rolled to his right side. There was a brown panel wall inches from his face. John reached out to touch it to make sure it was real. When his fingers encountered a solid surface he closed his eyes, only to realize there were tears running down his cheek. He screamed in his head, “Sit up John! Sit up damn it!” Working through the pain he pushed himself up off the floor, into a sitting position, and looked around. Nothing was familiar except that rocking, thumping rhythm, and that sound. “It’s a train. I’m on a train. This is freaking insane. I’ve lost my mind.” He screamed “Help me! Where am I?” Repeatedly but no one answered, no one came to check on him.

His throat was raw from shouting, and he finally started to calm down. After several deep breaths and concentrating for what felt like an hour, John’s vision started to clear up and he could make out that it was night outside the window. He had made his way around his small cabin, mostly by feel, and was sitting on the bed again when he realized he could see good enough to stand up and try the door. Reaching for the lever, he turned back to look out of the window. He was startled by what he saw and felt a heavy weight settle on his chest. It wasn’t dark outside, it was empty, a vast deep empty. He rubbed his dry, scratchy eyes, hoping it was a side effect of losing his vision and focus. Normally when you look out into the night while in a moving vehicle you can see faint flashes of things as they pass by. There was not only an absence of vague objects and light outside but a deep nothingness outside that window. John ran his fingers through his hair, shook his head, and forced his feet to move. He needed to get out of this cabin and find someone, someone with the answers to why he was on a train and how he got here.

4

He gripped the cold metal lever with his sweaty hand and slid the door open. He slowly leaned out so that he could see up and down the hallway. He was on some sort of replica of an old train when they were the luxury way to travel. The green carpet with black diamond patterns, the walls covered in what looked like velvet, arched ceilings covered in dark cherry wood, and golden light fixtures with frosted glass. That’s when he thought he could almost hear a familiar sound over the rhythm of the train. It sounded like barking dogs off in the distance. “Well, if there are dogs on this train there has to be people.” John took one step into the hallway when the pain raced up his leg all the way to his head. He had forgotten about that injured leg. The door across the hall raced toward his face; he had a split second to think “Here I go again.”

When John woke up, he thought he had lost his vision again and his head was being split open by a slow-moving axe. He realized he could still see. He was just face down staring at that dark black and green carpet. He felt a small bit of relief, the first good feeling since he left the cabin up north. He slowly rolled over hoping there wouldn’t be any other surprise injuries to go along with his leg and fresh concussion. Lying there on his back staring at the polished wood of the ceiling he decided that he still wanted to find people on this train, but he would settle for just finding a first-aid kit or just ice. He always had first kits nearby on his job sites. Shouldn’t a train be the same way? He should check his room. John dragged himself up and pulled on the lever. It was locked tight. He felt confused, maybe he was turned around. He gingerly turned to the door behind him. When he tried that lever, it wouldn’t budge either. He turned and just started to limp his way painfully down the hall. That’s when he realized he could hear and feel the train moving but couldn’t get a feel for what direction he was heading. Must be a side effect of his brand-new head injury. He hoped he was moving to the front of the train.

5

As John headed along the hallway he would stop and try a door every so often. Always the same result, locked as tight as could be. He thought if he had his strength, a clear head, and two good legs, he would have tried kicking one in. “Well, no such luck today buddy.” He said out loud. Just then he felt just a little too unsteady, so he reached for the lever nearest him, and to his surprise, it moved. Eyes wide with disbelief he just couldn’t understand how this one door was moving after so many wouldn’t budge. He quickly pulled the door open before it locked up on him all the rest.

6

The door flew open, and John saw an empty cabin like the one he woke up in. No, it wasn’t empty. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could see a figure on the bed. Lying on their side so that their back was turned, but it looked like a woman. John didn’t want to frighten her. He tried to softly say, “Excuse me?” but it came more as a raspy cough than any understandable words. It did the trick though. The figure let out a slow sigh and started to roll over. Yes, definitely a female. She had a sleepy smile on her face and her eyes were still closed. As she turned toward him, she started to say “I thought you’d never…” her sleepful relaxation snapped into a rigid pose as her eyes opened. “Who are you? How did you get in here?” She said in fear. “I am sorry ma’am. Please don’t be afraid. My name is John, I’m hurt, and I’m just trying to find anyone that can help me figure out where I am.” “You’re in my home and you had better get out before…” She stopped. John said, “This train is your home?” She looked at him with eyebrows scrunched together. “Train?” she asked. “Yes ma’am. No idea how I got here myself, but I can see you are about as confused as I am. What is the last thing you remember before you woke up? I was in a car accident just before everything went black.” He gestured down at his leg. She kept staring around the room, periodically squeezing her eyes shut, and then blinking them open like she was trying to wake from a dream. John cleared his throat and said in a slow condescending tone “Um ma’am, I’m John.” She snapped her head back to look at him like she forgot he was there, and then said, “Yeah, I heard you the first time.”

John laughed at the change in her and the onery reply. “Can I ask what your name is?” he said. She looked through his eyes, and then let her gaze fall to his wounded leg, “My name is Donna.” He replied with a slight grimace as he shifted his stance, “Well, nice to meet you, Donna. I’m sorry to ask again, but what is the last thing you remember before waking up on this train?” Donna looked down for a few seconds and then lifted her chin, eyes closed, “I was sitting on the couch and my husband had just handed me a cocktail. He had his own and after we both took a sip, he said he forgot something downstairs. Then, he told me he would be right back. I took a few more sips and felt my long day wash over me. I was suddenly too tired to sit up. I pushed some pillows up behind me and leaned back to relax my eyes.” Her eyes popped open with rage, and she continued, “I reached for my glass to take another drink and my arm wouldn’t work right. I thought I might be having a stroke. I knocked the glass over as I tried to grab it from the end table. I asked my phone to call the emergency line. I thought I heard laughing coming from downstairs. That is when everything went dark.”

7

John searched Donna’s room for an emergency kit without luck. After chatting for a few minutes, they decided to continue John’s search together. They agreed that they each would take one side of the hallway and try every door as they walked. Just as John thought would happen, every lever was locked. He heard that faint barking again. He looked over at Donna and she had her head cocked to the side like she was listening to something too. John asked, “What do you hear?” She looked over at him a little startled, “Nothing. Why?” John gave a slight smile, “Well you looked like were listening to something just now. I keep thinking I hear dogs barking. Is that what you hear?” Donna’s stoic and overall badass demeanor finally broke. She laughed and said “Really? Dogs? You think there are dogs on this crazy train?” John felt embarrassed, both by how much better she was handling herself than he was, and because she didn’t hear the dogs. “I was listening to the rhythm of the train. It is speeding up.”

Once Donna said it, John knew it was true. They shared a look, and both knew checking doors was useless at this point. They started to walk faster down the hall, and when John started to fall behind with his limp becoming worse, Donna reached out for support to help him keep up. “How long can this train possibly be, Donna?” “I was just thinking the same thing, but I think I see doors up ahead.” John couldn’t see anything up ahead but that didn’t surprise him since he couldn’t see anything a short time ago. Limping, sweating, and leaning on Donna for a grueling amount of time, John could finally see the doors. He put his head down and just concentrated on keeping his feet going in front of him. When he felt Donna slow down, he looked over to her and she was staring ahead, slowly lifting her hand. Donna returned his look and said, “I don’t know why, but I don’t want to go in.” John turned to look at the doors, “I can go in and let you know if it’s safe.” “No John, I know if we go through these doors, it needs to be together.” He looked back at her and said, “Well, let’s do it.”

8

As they pushed open the doors, an array of smells assaulted Donna’s senses. She didn’t know how it was possible, but she could smell all her favorite foods at the same time. At first, it was her go-to Chinese restaurant back home, then it was her mom’s homemade chicken cacciatore, the next inhale was the Thanksgiving stuffing her grandpa used to make with fresh oysters. She turned to John and asked, “Do you smell that?” His eyes were watering, or was he crying? He looked down at her and said “Yes, it’s my mom's cookies. I would know that smell anywhere.” Donna was puzzled. She took another deep breath in, and it was only the sweet and salty smell of the handmade ice cream she used to make with her cousins as a kid in summer. Her mouth was watering, and her stomach was suddenly turning over with hunger. She looked down the room they just walked into, and it was a dining room. Every table was set. Complete with full-service silverware and those big fancy silver domes covering the plates like you see in old movies. Donna went left and John went right. They both uncovered a plate at the same time. Donna was looking at enchiladas with three different sauces. She knew exactly where this was from, her favorite Mexican joint in her hometown. She looked over at John who was standing like a statue with that silver dome in his hand. It looked like country-fried steak on his plate with gravy and scrambled eggs. Donna said, “John, are you okay?” “Yes, this is just the last thing I had for breakfast up at the cabin.” She had no idea why that would make him freeze like that and stare in terror, and then she remembered the last time she had ordered these enchiladas.

With a single look that was full of silent consent and understanding, they decided to see what was on the other tables. After uncovering most of what was set out, Donna and John had their table set with most of their favorite foods. It was like they stepped into a Harry Potter book and were dining in the great hall, but it was just the two of them. For some reason it felt like the train was going even faster now. It didn’t rock more, it wasn’t louder, but they could just feel that it was moving with more speed. They looked at each other with a tense plastic-like smile and unrolled their napkins. There was a message in the napkin. They couldn’t see each other’s napkins but what they each read was the same, “This train will only stop once you have admitted what you have done.”

Donna looked at John, hoping he wouldn’t see the fear in her eyes. Instead, she caught a bit of fear in his. His head snapped up from staring at the napkin and he smiled. She smiled back and they both started to eat like they were starving. Donna asked John about his accident. He explained how it was his first day back to work after spending time at the cabin. He told her how the accident went down, and how afterwards he woke up on this train. Donna asked,” Were you with anyone at the cabin?” “No, I was there by myself. I like it that way.” Donna asked, “What do you do all by yourself at a cabin like that?” John chuckled and said, “Well, I hike in the forest, I try to relax, clear my mind, I read a lot, and I even try to do a bit of writing.” She looked at him seriously, “What kind of writing?” He met her eyes and gave a have an of ah shucks kind of smile. “I don’t have a kind of writing. I just come up with an idea now and then and see where it takes me.” Donna was smiling a real smile for the first time in years. Not just because she was eating every kind of her favorite foods that she could dream of, but because she was talking to someone who truly interested her. She looked back down at the message on her napkin and that’s when the train took a jolt forward. The train was definitely speeding up.

9

Donna looked up at John and asked, “Do you feel that?” He took another bite and responded like it was an afterthought and said, “You mean how full I am, or that the train keeps speeding up?” Donna nodded her head. “What do you think it means?” John sat back, not able to eat another bite even though it was all so tempting, and he said, “Well, I think it means we are dead.” Donna replied, “What the hell? We aren’t dead. We are sitting here eating like kings.” John smiled again and said, “Yeah, that’s the first clue. We are eating our last dinner. Plus, I keep hearing those dogs barking.” John burst out laughing, and then started shouting, “Hey Train! What do you want? Are you going to speak to us? Do we need to play a riddle game? What the hell do you want from us, train?” Donna was staring at John like he had just lost his mind. “Are you okay John? Did you hit your head in that accident you were in?” He looked at her and said, “You know, like the train from that King book? That one from The Dark Tower?” She just looked at him and said, “I have no idea what you are talking about. What is a Dark Tower and who is King?” John thought she was kidding. He focused on her eyes to make sure he could tell if she was messing with him, and said “Do you read? I mean books, novels, anything besides social media on your phone?” Donna laughed at that. “Yes, I read you jackass, and I’m not on social media. I like to read Danielle Steel and Anne Rice. I just don’t know what you are talking about, you sound crazy right now.” John put his hands up, “Okay, okay. Sorry, of course you like Steel and Rice. Well, in one of the books I read a long time ago, there was this crazy train. It trapped some people on it and they had to stump it with a riddle to keep the train from killing them. This train just feels like that for some reason. I think we need to figure out how to get out of here or we might be heading to our end.” Donna nodded her head “Yeah, I get that same feeling. What do you think we need to do?” John looked down at his napkin that he carried with him from the first table and read it again. “I’m not sure. Maybe we just need to talk and get to know each other.” They both rocked in their seats as the train sped up again.

10

“Talk? Haven’t we been talking?” Donna asked. John shook his head, “We’ve been talking, but I guess I mean we might have to actually get to know each other. Have a deeper conversation you know, instead of just talking.” Donna got that hard look in her eyes again, “Okay, what do want to talk about?” This made John feel uneasy. He did not want to go first. “I think the first thing we need to talk about is what made us who we are. I’ll go back to when I was a kid. I was good at shooting with my BB gun. My uncle came over to visit, I was showing off in the backyard. He watched me for a while and then told me to shoot a dove off the phoneline over the alley. The dove was a couple of houses down. I handed him my rifle and said you do it. He took three shots and missed everyone so bad that the dove didn’t move. Now that I think back, he probably missed on purpose, just to make me take the riffle and shoot, and that’s what I did. One shot and that dove was down. He smiled down at me and said now you have to eat it. We walked down the alley and picked up the dove. When we walked into the kitchen, my mom freaked out and was asking why we had a dead bird. I told her it was okay because I shot it, so now I had to eat it. She just shook her head and left the kitchen. My uncle made me gut and clean the bird. Next, he flash-fried the heart and gave it to me. As I bit down and the juices flowed over my tongue, I thought this might be the best thing I have ever eaten. Then, we ate the two breasts that he seasoned and cooked. Again, it was some of the best meat that I had ever eaten in my life. I’m not sure if it was how my uncle cooked it or because it was my kill.” John looked up at Donna. She thought there were tears in his eyes again.

She cleared her throat and said, “Screw that childhood trauma stuff.” She started to look really mad, “I’m going to get right to it. I killed my husband’s mistress. Who even says mistress anymore?” She grabbed her hair, pushed it back behind her ears, and took a deep drink of the juice that was in front of her. John stared with wide eyes, “Umm I’m not really sure who says mistress anymore, but you said you killed someone?” Donna nodded her head and looked up at him, “Yeah. That’s what I said. She was a vindictive bitch. She slept with my husband, convinced him that I didn’t care about him anymore and that he should leave his life of thirty years behind. To make it all better, she came to me first. Before he was going to leave me, she wanted me to pay her to go away. So, I set a meeting up with her in a dirty, cheap hotel downtown. After listening to her tell her dirty details about how and what she did with my husband, it was all I could do to not smack her bright red lipstick off her mouth. When she got up to leave, I grabbed the lamp and hit her in the back of the head. I wanted to hurt her, not kill her, but, well…” Now Donna had tears slowly sliding down her cheeks. “So John, talk to me.”

11

The train sped up again. Now their drinks started to rock backward. John grabbed his glass, steadied it, and looked up at Donna again, “I killed too. It was my last trip up to the cabin. There was this lady that would take her dogs out every morning. They would bark at anything and everything they would see. It didn’t matter if it was a person, another dog, or another animal, they would just bark non-stop. She wouldn’t do anything to stop or discipline those dogs. I was trying to write while I was up there. Every morning when I was in my element she would come out with those dogs. I saw other neighbors frustrated with her and her dogs too, but no one would do or say anything about it. Then one morning, I was out on a hike and there she was with her dogs. They started barking at me and she just smiled and started to talk to me like nothing was wrong. I just reached out and grabbed her.” John pushed his hands into his eyes. Staring down at his glass of lemonade and then he said “I just lost it.” He turned his head up to the wooden ceiling. “The only thing I really regret was what I did to the dogs. It wasn’t their fault.” John leveled his gaze to focus on Donna. She was gone. John stood up and looked around the room. No trace of Donna anywhere. The train sped up so fast that it knocked him back to the point that he tried to plant his left foot. He fell with a shooting pain running up his leg again. As he lay on the floor looking up at the glossy wood ceiling he could only think “Why am I still here and Donna is gone?” John decided he is just going to die on this train. It kept going faster and that could only mean one thing. He was condemned for what he did even though he admitted it out loud to someone else. That’s when everything went black.

12

John woke up in a bed with side rails. Confused, he tried to remember the last thing that happened to him. Well, that couldn’t be right. The last thing he remembered was being on a train. He looked out the window, it was so bright, he could see the top of trees, and the roofs of surrounding buildings. That’s when a nurse came in. His eyes couldn’t adjust from the brilliant light outside to the dark inside, “Oh good, you’re awake!” she said. John couldn’t make out her face because of the light coming in through the window, but he knew that voice. He asked, “Wait, is your name Donna?” She looked down at him with a sympathetic smile and said, “Yes, you know it is.”