Octopussy — Bad or Brilliant?

A very personal take on the 1983 Bond film

I watched, a couple of days ago, the one-but-last vehicle for Roger Moore as Bond. He was way too old for the role, but he carried on with his smooth, aristocratic English gentleman’s charm — with his impeccable humour and elegance. That’s something I’ve always appreciated about Roger Moore.

I’ll admit it honestly: I watched the film mainly for the secondary villain, Gobinda, who happens to be my beloved Kabir Bedi, (Sandokan) — my childhood hero. It’s worth it for me to watch anything and everything he’s in, though I haven’t been able to find too many of his films. So I re-watched the ones I already knew, and then I did some research. That’s when I discovered he had a role in Octopussy.

I was a bit disappointed at first, because I thought he was the main villain. But that turned out to be Louis Jourdan. I respect that French actor, yet I couldn’t like him much here — probably because he took the spot I wanted Kabir Bedi to have. Jourdan may have been suave and silky in his villainous ways, but I passed over all that. I lived for the parts where I could watch Gobinda.

It was strange that he had hardly any lines, but he made up for it with his presence. Naturally, it was hard for me to see him as wicked — he’s such a good man in real life, a true darling. I’ve always seen him as a hero, a man I adore. So I was curious: Was he really good at playing evil?

Probably only surprisingly for me, yes. His crushing of the dice and his quiet, quick movements in pursuit of Bond were genuinely disturbing. And he’s always been great with sword fights and knives. He succeeded in convincing me he was wicked.

And the tuk-tuk chase — was bombastic!

Perhaps you may want to know more about this old but fun film, not just my love for Kabir Bedi. But if you read me, dear reader, you have to accept that part of me too.

Let me tell you why I loved this film, although I generally dislike the whole Bond-franchise so much; that I stopped watching them long ago, not even giving Bond a chance. I simply do not watch them anymore.

This film was silly. And that’s what I loved about it.

It was a complicated and crazy mix of stealing gold and jewellery and a nuclear bomb plot. Of course, there had to be a mad Russian who wanted to blow up the whole world — or at least the East Germany American base. That character was ridiculously pompous and self-important, and therefore funny. He was called Orlov, played by Steven Berkoff.

There were plenty of fun-filled chases, near-deaths, and all sorts of hair-raising action sequences to the point of being silly. Escaping in a foldable mini-plane hidden in a horse carriage behind a fake horse’s bum? Really?

Or running around on top of a train, or balancing on a plane while fighting the enemy? But that’s exactly what works about this film! Mind you, as loyal as Gobinda was, I would never have gone out onto the plane to fight. That was suicide! There’s a limit to obedience to a villainous boss.

It was hilarious how easily the girls fell into Bond’s arms. That’s just part of the fun, although I have to admit that, even at my age — and I’m not that young — I’d have found him a bit too old to be instantly charming. I was bewitched by the younger and middle-aged Roger Moore. But here he was, 56 years old, and he just didn’t look good anymore, and definitely not convincing in attracting very young women.

Now, that’s different with The Return of Sandokan — he looked gorgeous at 50! I could hardly believe a man could look that youthful and beautiful at that age. And if you don’t believe me, watch it yourself.

I loved the Indian champion tennis player, Vijay Amritraj, doing crazy stunts in the tuk-tuk chase with Bond behind him and Gobinda chasing them. The things they do are just awesome. I laughed and held my breath couple of times.

I don’t remember ever enjoying a Bond film this much. Sometimes they’re too dark or scary for me to enjoy them. I prefer the lighter ones. Maybe real Bond fans would rebuke me for that, but hey — we’re all different, right?

Sure, the bomb is scary, but we all know that Bond will turn it off at the last second, right?

In summary: I can heartily recommend Octopussy for light and exhilarating fun, without the darker tones of Bond that some true Bond fans value highly. This one is for all, like me, who is not a fan.

And, of course, I was happy to see my beloved, beautiful Kabir Bedi in it.

Let me know what you think I am happy to hear your thoughts.