Nowhere train

Azuki’s eyes opened to see a ceiling she wasn’t used to. An odd round shape. She felt dazed as she awoke from her slumber, recovering from another day taking care of her ageing parents who just seemed to get more and more demanding of her as they got older, or perhaps as she got older and older. The family disappointment through no fault of her own, she thought to herself. Seeing a new ceiling was a strange relief to her, maybe she got kidnapped in the night? Maybe the house caught fire, and this was the afterlife? Or perhaps she was still asleep, dreaming of waking up somewhere new. She was so transfixed in these thoughts, that she didn’t notice the vibrations.

“Hey!” A voice suddenly called out “Welcome to paradise” Hearing this voice, Azuki got out of her bed, still in the gladbags she slept in, which were just some rags. She came to realise that she was in a bunk bed, and there was a window close by, where everything outside was moving. Confused, and only just awake, Azuki looked down from her bed to see the most shocking sight of them all. A sight that woke her up immediately. A foreigner, perhaps a European judging by the flamboyant outfit he was wearing.

“Who are you?” She asked, slightly afraid now. “I name is Fernando. Who are you and where are you from?” He asked quickly, as if it had become routine for him. Azuki was taken aback by his questioning. She had never seen a foreigner before, not least one whom spoke such perfect Japanese. “I’m from a small village called Takemura, in Satsu…no in Japan” “And your name?” He asked hurriedly “Azuki” She replied “Have you kidnapped me?” “Huh, if only it were that simple. Well, you’re not the only Asian here, but so far, the only Japanese” He replied, only adding to Azuki’s confusion. “But the other Asian isn’t so, shall we say traditional as you seem to be” Almost as soon as Fernando had finished talking, he left the room.

Azuki spent a moment alone in this weird room. She noticed that she must be on a train. Strange, they were only just being constructed in the major cities, but she didn’t live close to any major city. The closest would-be Nagasaki, so perhaps some Dutch traders had bought her. Was that westerner she had just spoken with a Dutchman? She knew very little of the outside world, she hadn’t even ventured beyond Kyushu. Azuki laid back in bed for a moment, soaking everything in.

After a while of contemplating to herself, she decided to get down from her bed. She looked outside the window for a moment and realised that she wasn’t in Kyushu anymore. Was she in Europe? Or America? China? The land outside looked unfamiliar to her. She looked towards the door and took a deep breath. To her surprise, the door actually opened. She felt a sigh of relief, realising now that being kidnapped was certainly not a preferable alternative to life with her parents. As she opened the door, she saw another westerner, who had something strange in his mouth.

“Well, that cow stabber only told us you were Japanese. He’s a bit useless to be honest, but he likes to think he’s important. Between you and me, I think he had the hots for you love” The strange westerner spoke in perfect a perfect Satsuma dialect, which only further added towards Azuki’s confusion. “Oh, of course, I guess being useless like he is he didn’t really explain much did he? I’m not speaking your language; something translates everything for us. No one knows why we’re truly here and this is a fag, in my age they’re all the rage in your land”. “Sorry what?” Azuki replied, rather pathetically, not being able to keep up. “Am I here to be a toy?” “What? Oh no.” The Western man replied “You don’t have to worry about that. Fernando couldn’t pull in a brothel, Mesut’s still in love and Ricciardo and Innes have already become a thing. Plus, I like men”

“A man who likes men?” Azuki asked confused “Are you a Nobel?” As soon as Azuki asked this, the western man burst out in a fit of laughter. “Oh, Azuki was it? Oh Azuki, I like you already. My name is Brandon” he replied, holding out a hand. Azuki looked at his hand with confusion. Then in a split moment, Brandon seemed to come to some sort of realisation, and pulled his hand back, instead bowing towards her. Azuki instinctively bowed back. She noticed that he pulled his back straight up, which she was unsurprised but still disappointed by. Then it came to her attention that he was western, and likely didn’t realise that it was polite to keep your back tilted slightly forward when introducing yourself.

She followed Brandon towards the dining cart, where all but one on her fellow passengers were situated. She saw five people, all spread out except for two. A western woman who had tied back blonde hair wearing what looked like something she had heard about from her brother’s tales from Nagasaki, Genoan Jeans. He was right, they were blue and wrapped perfectly around your legs. She was cuddling up to a darker man. Azuki had never seen a westerner before today, so to also see an African man was a bit overwhelming for a moment, but she quickly steadied herself. He couldn’t be no different from me, she thought to herself.

She looked past the two cuddling passengers, and to her surprise was this time a black woman. She was sitting across from another woman, a much younger woman who couldn’t be any older than 20. At the back of the cart just by the bar was an ottoman soldier. She studied all of the faces for a moment, before Brandon began to speak.

“I suppose I should help out. Everyone, this is…” Brandon paused for a moment, Azuki looked over towards him, realising then that she never gave him her name. “Azuki” She called out, looking back at Brandon when she had finished talking. Brandon looked at her for a moment, then looked towards the black man. Azuki instinctively looked too towards him, realising now what Brandon was urging him to do.

“What’s your name?” She asked. “My name is Ricciardo, I was from Sau Paulo Brazil, 1971” He answered, only adding to Azuki’s confusion. Before she could pry for more information, the girl he was cuddling suddenly then spoke up. “My name is Innes, I was from Freiberg Germany, 2008” Azuki looked towards her, but almost as if arranged, the black woman then spoke. “My name is Tamara, I was from Port Elizabeth South Africa, 1992” Azuki was trying to keep up, but before she could take everything in, the young girl then spoke. “Christina, Canada, Toronto, 2020” she said quickly, as if not wanting to speak in the first place. “Don’t mind her, she’s just no longer the newbie.” A voice rang from the back, it was the Ottoman soldier. “My name is Mesut, I was last in Gallipoli in 1916, I’m Turkish.”

“Well then, now they’ve finished. I will be official too! My name is Brandon, I am from Manchester, The United Kingdom and I was last there in 1994” Brandon announced, bringing an end to the first round of pleasantries. “Where is the other guy?” Azuki asked. Brandon looked down for a moment, but Azuki could see he was looking down to hide his face; but Azuki noticed the concern hidden on his face. “Hey Azuki, was it?” Tamara called out “Let’s play the period game!” She screamed with excitement. “What is that?” Azuki asked “It’s a game, well not really but it’s fun!” Tamara said with excitement “I still remember when Brandon told me the best news I have ever heard!” “What was the news?” Azuki asked. “I told her that apartheid in her country had ended” Brandon explained. Azuki looked over at Tamara and saw a beaming smile emerge on her face. Azuki had no idea what apartheid meant, but she assumed it’s ending meant a great deal to Tamara, so she felt it best not to pry further.

“Let’s get this over with then. When I arrived here, the entire world was on fire. The British were sending their colonies into my people’s machine guns so they could conquer our stolen lands for themselves” Mesut said in a depressed, quite tone. Everyone looked towards him as he spoke with a look of sympathy. They must have heard this story a few times by now, Azuki thought to herself, yet they were all still so fixated in him when he spoke.

“Well then, my turn now” Brandon said, breaking the silence “The Soviet Union recently fell. And you can’t have sex anymore out of fear of dying” Azuki looked at Brandon, confused by his statement. What was a Soviet Union? Did Syphilis become even more deadly? Suddenly, before she could pry for further information, another voice echoed through the carriage.

“There was a pandemic. Coronavirus they called it. Makes you cough to death. No one has any money, no one can afford to live anywhere yet they told us to stay in our homes and not work. It was the first pandemic since Spanish flu” Christina stated, with her loud voice. There was an annoyance in her voice, as if she was recounting being screwed over. Azuki was once more confused. If you cannot afford a home, just chop some trees down and make one. “Oh look, speaking of the Spanish”

Fernando walked through the carriage. He was standing just outside this whole time on the outside bit of the carriage. “Do you think she understands any of this?” He quizzed to everyone “Look at her, she’s a peasant from rural Japan. She just about knows what Japan means”. “Fernando” Innes said, standing up as she did. “She’s from 1869, she’s older than all of us” Fernando carried on “So, it’s you now” Brandon spoke, approaching him to give him a hug “You were such a personality you know” “You’ll miss me for my looks” Fernando snapped back, but with a smile on his face. “Well, that too” Brandon replied, hiding a tear.

Fernando approached Azuki and took her hand. “Let’s go outside” he said softly. Everyone looked at Fernando as he left the carriage. Outside was a small railing. A small railing was the only thing preventing Azuki and Fernando falling onto the tracks below. Fernando took a hold of the railings, looking towards where the train was leaving behind.

“The scenery looks real” Fernando said, “But it’s all an illusion.” “What do you mean?” Azuki asked “I don’t know, but we’re no longer in our own reality anymore. I think we’re all dead personally”. “I’m dead?” Azuki asked panicked “Most likely” Fernando quipped back, slightly coldly “I dreamt of you last night. I lived through it, your last day. You chopped bamboo, you tended to your parents, then you went to sleep. As you slept, the house caught fire. You could have escaped but no no, you didn’t escape, you let the smoke consume you. There was an inner shame within you. What was that shame Azuki?”

Azuki stood looking out to where Fernando had been looking. She couldn’t stand to look him in the eyes at that moment. She felt herself crying but attempted to compose herself. “My shame stood with me for life” she said, struggling to find the words for her dark confession. “I’m barren”. “Is that your shame?” Fernando asked. Azuki looked at him, feeling mortified by her confession. “You would have been the ideal woman for me, fuck dealing with children” he said, to a strange sense of delight within Azuki.

“Azuki, Azuki Azuki Azuki.” Fernando began talking once more. “Now it’s my time to confess. But know this, one day you’ll also dream of someone’s last day, then they will appear above your bed. Then it will be your time. I have been here for over 30 years now and I still wasn’t ready for it. I saw someone resist it, and he disappeared. One day, I saw another train in the distance, and I think it was him who was driving it. I considered if it was best to drive another train or leave this void. I’m choosing to leave.” “Then why not just jump?” Azuki asked “You cannot jump without a final confession” Said Fernando. As he said this, he looked out towards the horizon. “I was a Matador. Or a bullfighter. But I failed. We had 15 minutes to kill the bull. This bull locked his eyes at me, he strutted his hoofs, and before I knew it, I was on the ground.” Azuki looked towards Fernando, who was staring into the distance still.

“Did the bull kill you?” she asked. “No, it didn’t kill me. I died later.” Said Fernando, with an odd sense of relief in his voice “You see, to not kill the bull in 15 minutes, is to fail”

There was silence for a moment, until Fernando looked toward Azuki. “I need you to ask me” he said, with an odd sense of desperation. “Ok, well it’s hard to ask but… How did you die?” Azuki asked regretfully. Fernando smiled for a moment, then put on a more serious face as he began to speak. “I came back to my hometown. They had created a new public urinal in the square. They named it Fernando Vallejo Acosta public urinal. So now, everyone could piss on my name in my own hometown.” Said Fernando. He stopped for a moment to compose himself. “A failed matador can never dawn the cloths ever again, I did, then I threw myself into the river.” Almost as soon as Fernando finished speaking, he was gone. He had thrown himself of the train. Azuki watched as his body disappeared, as if it had evaporated away.

Azuki spent a moment alone. She thought about what Fernando had just told her. 30 years, how long she would also be here for? It was so strange that she opened up so much to a complete stranger, who was a foreigner on top of that. But then again, she thought to herself, I’m dead apparently. Stuck on a train, where the only stations where within your own trauma.