Nouvelles Vagues 4

Isabelle had made up her mind. She'd been thinking about doing it for a long time, but lately the idea hadn't left her mind, and she'd been working out various scenarios in her head, day and night.

And this time, it was the right one. She took a few things and put them in her backpack, and as night fell, she set off for the forest, a few kilometers from her home.

It may seem odd that she wanted to do it so well, but Isabelle was the meticulous type, and above all, she didn't want to cause anyone the slightest embarrassment.

So she had taken care to pack her identity papers, her Norwich Union contract, the letter she had prepared for the police, and a couple of other useful things...

An hour later, she had made good progress into the heart of the forest. It was now pitch dark, and she congratulated herself on having remembered to take her headlamp before setting off. It would be a shame to get hurt. Eventually, she found a spot that seemed sufficiently to her liking to spend the time she had left. It was a tiny clearing surrounded by tall trees, somewhat lost in the heart of the forest. Eventually, she found one whose branches would suit the difficult task ahead.

Putting her bag on the ground, she took out her cell phone from her pocket. Unsurprisingly, there were no notifications. This was always the case, ever since the accident… This fact reinforced her choice a little more, and she told herself she'd made the right decision this time.

She opened her bag and took out a small packet of potato chips, her husband's guilty pleasure, and a triangle sandwich, her daughter's favorite meal. She sat cross-legged in the middle of the clearing, with the light of the lamp on her forehead, and began to eat. And as she savored each mouthful slowly, as one does a last meal; tears welled up in her eyes, and she finished her meal sobbing; silently, so as not to disturb the forest animals.

She didn't think she'd have any more tears to cry after all the ones she'd already shed, yet the flow didn't seem to stop. She stowed the empty packages in her bag as best she could through the curtain of tears blurring her vision, then took out the rope.

She wasn't the most handy person, so she'd had to do a bit of research to find out how to tie this kind of knot. But she'd practiced hard, and now knew how to tie a whole bunch of different knots. Not that this skill was going to be of any use to her, given the future she was planning, but all the same, it was a little pride for her to be able to do something on her own, in the state she'd been in since the accident. A small consolation indeed.

A sad smile passed over her lips as she tossed part of the rope over the high branch she'd chosen. It was as if the simple fact of embarking on these final steps lifted a weight from her shoulders. The closer she got to the end, the more relieved she felt. She'd had enough of suffering and being alone. The absence of her family was unbearable, and she couldn't wait to be rid of the burden her life had become.

Everything was ready now.

She turned back to her bag to deposit her headlamp, which she exchanged for a whole box of sleeping pills and a bottle of whisky. She often thought back to a phrase she'd once heard: "Don't kill yourself, you'll hurt yourself! She'd laughed about it at the time, but come to think of it, she didn't know exactly how the last moments went, so she'd thought it was best to take precautions, to put all the odds on her side…

She took a deep breath of the cool night air and closed her eyes for a moment. She wished she could feel alive one last time, maybe that would have changed her mind? But the same thing happened every time she closed her eyes. She saw once again the terrible accident that had robbed her of her husband and daughter. Why did she have to survive? She would have given anything to be able to save her child from the flames that were devouring the vehicle's carcass. But unfortunately…

She clenched her fist over her heart and reopened her eyes, shaking with anger and grief.

Then she grabbed the bottle and took a big gulp, as if to give herself courage. She felt the burning liquid course through her body, but the alcohol didn't warm her. She already felt dead anyway. Without further ado, she reached for the medicine box and swallowed a dozen tablets, passing them on as she took another sip of whisky.

With a final wave of doubt, she swallowed the rest of the box and took a final sip.

She could already feel the alcohol going to her head, and decided to climb the tree, before she was no longer able to. She began her ascent to reach the ideal landing point, which would perhaps enable her to reunite with those she loved more than anything else.

She scratched her hands several times on the way up, but it didn't matter now. She persisted in her last-ditch effort, despite the combined effects of the drugs and alcohol.

With a heavy head, she finally reached her goal, a fork high enough to rest on one last time.

She looped the rope around her neck and tightened the knot, making sure there was no escape.

She pulled a photo from her pocket. It was the last one that had been taken, just before their return from vacation.

She took one last look at the radiant smile that lit up the faces of her husband and daughter. It was the last image she wanted to take with her. Her vision was beginning to blur. Her eyelids felt heavy.

She closed her eyes.

With a last effort, she smiled sadly and, knowing she was finally free of her burden, she no longer struggled and let herself go, soothed. Her head slowly tilted forward, and she sank, clutching the photo to her heart like a precious relic of a bygone era...