New Year's Facade

December 31st…New Year’s Eve. Usually regarded as one of the busiest nights of the year, as everyone gets ready to ring in the next year with all the ceremonial pomp and splendor they can muster. Some go to house parties or bars and surround themselves with the comfort of strangers as they welcome the oncoming year together, while others prefer to stay with family and enjoy a homemade dinner, reminiscing over the year that they went through together.

This year, Glenn did not fall into either of these categories. He found himself sitting at a McDonalds, waiting for his food. The fast food joint was semi-crowded, its inhabitants mostly consisting of drunk teenagers and young adults who had presumably stopped by for a snack on the way back from various parties. Glenn glanced outside to the stream of traffic, and then to his watch. He sighed and twiddled his thumbs, thinking of how much time it would take for him to get back home.

'You do know that you could have been in one of those cars traveling back, right? You chose to spend NYE alone this year – why didn’t you go somewhere?’

Glenn sighed, trying to tune out the annoying voice in his head as he pondered the night he could have had. He had been invited to no less than 3 New Year’s Eve parties by his friends at the office, and his brother had asked him to fly out to Connecticut to celebrate with his family, but he had declined all these offers, opting to stay at home instead. Of course, everyone was disappointed and attempted to convince him to come, but he was adamant. He figured he wouldn’t be very good company, given everything he had been through in the past couple of months, and besides, he wasn’t interested in being peppered with questions about what had transpired when he wasn’t even sure if the issues were resolved yet. His eyes drifted to the ring around his finger, and he briefly wondered why he was still wearing it, given all that had transpired. He wondered what his kids were doing for the New Year, and whether Claire had let them stay up until 12 AM. He felt a rush of longing overcome him, and for a moment, he was tempted to just drive to her house so he could be with them, but reality struck him a moment later, and the feeling disappeared as quickly as it arrived.

Glenn sighed. He had been hoping for some resolution to their situation before the year ended, but from the looks of things, it would be a long time before things became normal. He clenched his fist, and the ring around his finger seemed to become five times heavier. Glenn turned his attention away from the window, thinking back to the dinner he made for himself; while it was delicious, it was nowhere near filling enough to satisfy him, and so, he decided to satisfy his stomach with a delicious cheeseburger. He glanced towards the counter, hoping that his order number would soon be displayed so he could get back home and possibly avoid the worst of the traffic, which seemed to be getting worse by the second. He was just about to go up to the cashier and ask if it would be much longer when he noticed someone walking into the restaurant. Glenn glanced at the newcomer - a young man in his early twenties, who looked like he was coming from a party. He noticed that he was swaying from side to side, and figured that he was probably drunk, or somewhat tipsy at the very least. He sauntered up to the counter and looked up at the board for what seemed like forever before deciding what he wanted. After telling the cashier, he turned around to find a place to sit. Glenn tightened his jaw and pointedly tried to avoid eye contact, for the last thing he wanted to do tonight was make small talk with a stranger. He reached into his pocket and brought out his phone, fiddling with it while trying to keep his expression as neutral as possible to dissuade any potential conversation.

Unfortunately, he had no such luck.

“Hey! Do you mind if I sit here?”

Glenn glanced up to see the young man smiling, his arm pointing to the seat opposite to him. Glenn fought the urge to refuse him briefly before managing to smile back and say in an even voice, “No, not at all.” The man grinned and slid into the seat, lightly bumping the table as he did so. Glenn flinched at the sudden jolt and the man sheepishly smiled. “Sorry about that – still a little drunk from the party. Were you at the party?” Glenn chuckled and shook his head. The young man stared at him for a moment before nodding and saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to spring that on you – you looked like someone who was there, so I thought…..” He trailed off, then shook his head and said, “Never mind that – I imagine you’re coming back from another party?”

“Oh, umm…no actually – just came here for a quick bite to eat, that’s all.”

“What, you’re not a fan of parties or something?”

Glenn raised his eyebrow at this and said coolly, “No, I like them just fine – sometimes I’m just not in the mood though, you know?” Glenn hoped this would be enough to dissuade any further conversation. The man opposite to him nodded. “Right - I get what you mean. Although, I would think you would make an exception for New Year’s Eve at the very least. But hey, no judging!” Glenn noticed the man’s eyes flicker towards his hand, and his eyes regarded the ring for a moment. He opened his mouth to say something to dismiss the thoughts that were surely forming in his mind, but to his surprise, he leaned back in his seat and said nothing. Glenn regarded the man for a moment before saying, “The name’s Glenn, by the way. Nice to meet you.”

“I’m Harry – great to meet you, Glenn.” Silence resumed its vigil after the brief introduction, as the two men waited for their food. Glenn rapped his fingers on the counter, staring absentmindedly at the counter where orders were being collected by other customers. He was about to approach the cashier to ask why it was taking so long when Harry spoke.

“So if a party isn’t the mood tonight….what is?”

Glenn raised his eyebrow, surprised at the sudden question. He said in a slightly cautious voice, “It’s a little complicated – I don’t want to put a downer on your night out.” Harry waved his hand dismissively and said, “Well for the moment, I’ve got nowhere else to be, and from the looks of it, you don’t either, so why not pass the time?” He smirked and said in an exaggerated tone of voice, “What better way to ring in the New Year than talking to a complete stranger at a McDonald’s?” Harry laughed and Glenn cracked a smile before saying, “Well, to put it simply, I’m just not very excited for the whole ‘new year’ schtick this time around – it seems like my problems are just going to carry over, y’know?”

Harry said nothing, prompting Glenn to continue speaking. Glenn sighed and said, “I’ve been going through some stuff lately….and right now, I just think ringing in the new year with some celebration is...well, to put it bluntly, pointless. You have this big blowout party on December 31st with the promise that the next year is going to be better right? And yeah sure, maybe it feels a little special the next day because it’s the very first day of the year, but then after that, it’s back to the usual, isn’t it? Nothing really changes, and life goes on. We really have no idea how much better or worse the new year is going to be, but we all act like for some reason, it's definitely going to be an improvement.” Glenn paused for a moment before saying, “It’s like…there’s the happy ending, and then there’s the day after the happy ending.” Harry gave a small smile said, “Bojack Horseman fan?” Glenn nodded, glad that he had recognized the line. Harry nodded thoughtfully and said, “I understand where you’re coming from, but what’s wrong with hoping that the upcoming year will be better than the previous one?”

“Absolutely nothing – but it’s the fact that a lot of people seem to think that things won’t ever go wrong when they very much can. Why make these sweeping declarations if things just…go back to normal? Aren’t you tired of doing the same thing, year after year? Tired of hearing the same cliché lines about how it's going to be ‘your year’? It’s so easy for people to fall back into monotony because they’re used to it.”

Harry opened his mouth to reply, but he noticed that Glenn’s gaze was fixed on the counter behind them. He turned to see that that one of their orders was finally ready. Glenn made to get up from his spot, but Harry stood up first and gestured for Glenn to sit back down. Glenn smiled gratefully as Harry walked steadily to the counter, grabbed the tray, and returned to their seat. Glenn started on his fries as Harry continued. “So – you think that New Year’s is just this pointless exercise that we all do to make us feel a little better about ourselves, is that it?” Glenn paused for a moment before swallowing and saying, “It sure feels that way right about now.” He tried to hide the bitterness in his voice, but Harry’s eyes softened as he looked at Glenn. He said,

“But isn’t the fact that people want to change or improve their lives in some way magical in and of itself? The first step to solving any problem is recognizing that there is one, right? The fact that people are actively working to make themselves better is what should count for something.”

Glenn nodded and reached for his burger. Taking a bite, he swallowed and countered, “You’re right – but then I ask: why wait until New Year’s to make such a change in your life? If you recognize that something is wrong with your life and you need to fix it, why do you have to do it on this one day a year and fool yourself into thinking that just because the calendar is resetting, it’ll actually work out? What good is postponing when you want to change? Wouldn’t it be better to just do it immediately?”

There was a moment of silence as Harry thought about what Glenn said. A minute passed before Glenn motioned to Harry that his order was ready and that he would go get it. Harry nodded gratefully, and soon, the pair were eating their meals in silence, as they each considered what to say next. Harry wiped his mouth and broke the silence by saying, “Truth be told, I never thought of it that way. I suppose that people are just more willing to do it then because it’s like a big gesture, and the likelihood of a big gesture falling through is less than the likelihood of some random burst of motivation on a Tuesday morning or something. But…I guess the big gesture isn’t enough. You have to be consistently good…which is hard.” Glenn smiled at the reference and nodded. He said in a low voice, “Tonight, instead of participating in the façade, I thought I would just keep my head down and make this any other day because I’m not interested in people telling me that the next year will be perfect and that things will be so much better – I’m just not in a very optimistic mood.” Harry remained silent as Glenn cast his eyes downward to the ring on his finger before shrugging and finishing off his meal. Harry, not knowing what to say, followed suit, and before long, both were done.

Glenn asked Harry how he was getting home and if he needed to be dropped anywhere, but Harry shook his head and told him that he lived a couple of minutes away from McDonald’s. The two put their empty trays on top of the trash can and made sure to wish the cashier a Happy New Year before they exited the building. As soon as they walked out, Glenn let out a gasp, and Harry took a deep breath as the cool breeze of the night hit them. They stood for a moment, lost in their own thoughts before Harry turned to Glenn and said in a soft voice,

“Look man, I’m sorry for what you’re going through right now. I understand where you’re coming from about New Year’s, and I even agree with you on some level. Still though…even if it may be one big farce, if we’re trying to move forward with sincerity, then I think it still counts for something, even if we wait until when it's convenient. Acknowledging your mistakes and sincerely trying to fix them is a positive thing, isn’t it?” Glenn remained silent as Harry paused for a moment before saying in a hopeful voice, “After all, aren’t we all just trying to do whatever we can in this weird world?” Glenn’s eyes widened as he heard those words, thinking back to Claire and how hard it must be for her, and how the kids must be feeling. He nodded slowly and said, “Yeah…you’re right about that. It’s all any of us can do.” Harry smiled and nodded. Glenn continued, “Thanks for tonight. Maybe I needed some company after all.” Harry chuckled and raised his hand. “I hope we meet again. Take care, Glenn.” Glenn smiled and shook the outstretched hand. “Thank you, Harry, you too. Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year, man. See you around!”

Harry turned around and headed back home, while Glenn started walking towards his car as snow started to gently fall, coating the ground in a blanket of white, signaling a fresh clean start to the year.