My past, you and I

From south to east I travel through the clear sky, I constantly migrate to another place while the seasons change. The cold winds sweep through while I glide admiring the unique view of the ocean. That day and time was the only peaceful moment in my life.

My next year of this world begins at Hiroshima, a place filled with culture and brimming life. The people here mimic the ocean waves as they continue to shift through the busy roads. The constant voices from them echoed as they clash and meet each other, their conversations imitating the waves. I walked through the ocean as it continued to shift, I became part of the waves only losing my way within the crowd until I was pushed out to this alleyway. My wings were still weak from the journey so I continue to follow this narrow path. Suddenly this crippling voice enacted from one of the houses. I couldn’t make out the voice yet I felt this fear, it was so destructive that I lose my composure. Suddenly the doors flung open, there I witnessed a gruesome act of power from a man. His deep voice bellows in rage, as he continues to yell at the little child. I hid in the corner watching the man raise his stick and continuously hit this girl, every blow filled with anger. His voice and his arms orchestral in the defeat of this little frail girl. He finally stops and leaves her to rot in the corner. The girl remained, barely surviving, as she shivers and weeps in sorrow. It soon echoes throughout the alley way, til it reaches to my ear. I felt her despair. She reflects my past, my life.

I slowly approached her, cautiously observing her movement with my deep blue glass eyes. I notice her body is decorated in scars and bruises on her thin legs and arms so pale, so fragile one touch could shatter her. I gently caress on her shoulder with my wings. She looked at me with those eyes of sorrow, yet her smile shows something different.

‘Are you lost…?” she asked me in a soft tone.

Her clear voice filled me with life, just like my past. I continue to move closer towards her and spread my wings pointing to the end of the alley way. She directs her eyes swiftly towards the bright light. Somehow, she knows what I was trying to convey. She nodded and slowly got up. Her bruises were visibly clear as it covers her pale body in shades of black and white; she continues to smile at me. Later that day I followed her on this rough solid grey floor. While trailing behind her with my thin long legs taking each step, I could only see her in the ocean. Just her.

I hear all these weird noises surrounding the crowd as they rebound each other's voices. They were filled with such delight, the tune surrounds her as we pass through the ocean, she greets them back with a bright smile while carrying heavy boxes. Her face shows no pain whatsoever, but her body painted with grey and black shades tells a different story. I still wonder…. how is she carrying such heavy things with thin bruise arms? Why does she continue to smile?

Through the sea of noises, I caught one of them shouting her name, Emiko! A little boy from afar waving at her to come over, she shifts her travel towards the boy. I quickly followed as her pace grew quickly and faster. The crowd is quite busy as I try to avoid their feet and contraptions while they pass by, ignoring my presence with them. My long thin legs couldn’t keep up with her pace til she vanished in the crowd. I took flight spreading my large white and black wings to find her.

Gliding through the clouds. I notice a dark grey black figure in the sky along with me. It soon grows closer, bigger. I have never seen such a bird soar through the sky, slicing the atmosphere with its speed. I saw my death in a flash as it shot right past me. I caught a glimpse of its eyes filled with black grey colours. Was it a bird? Watching it swoop into the clouds, the sudden shock remains in my eyes. I fled from the peculiar scene while I made my way to Emiko's side. From afar I see her in the paddy fields with the little boy, I swoop down towards her and land in the wetlands. The little boy and Emiko were laughing and helping each other out sorting the big boxes. They both look like my sister and I when we were still little. I recall that time when we were playing with each other in the huge vast nest while our mother continued to watch our surroundings. She was always on alert; I can clearly visualise her sharp long bill and strong wings express her dominant and fierce traits. Especially her crest so vibrant a golden fan reflects the sunlight, provides warmth and her soft long wings protect us from the world. Even the nest she built to confine us from the nightmare beasts that still linger around us. Our home had massive walls that cave in, blocking our sight from the other side. Every time I think about home, it seems small, compare to the world.

The world soon reforms as the autumn warmth soon loses its emotions leaving us with the bitter cold. The fallen leaves soon change into white snowflakes and the silent wind becomes a storm. Such purity covers my white and black feathers as it weakens my wings. That cold morning was hauntingly beautiful, transforming the ocean of people into a frozen sea. Not one person was ever seen in the busy town. Their conversations and loud noises soon fade into silence, as winter appears before them. The sun was rarely there to give us warmth, only to see a dull grey sky filled with clouds and snow falling.

Though I should have already migrated to another place, but I remain here in Hiroshima while the weather soon led me to only walk.

Why did I stay?

I want to stay near this little girl, Emiko Okada. A young frail girl who frames her bitter happiness covers up such unconscious desolation.

Once more these odd-looking birds flew pass by, this time they were in different colours and they have this weird symbol on their body…I noticed that everyone kept looking up, watching them in relief as the birds left a trail of black clouds behind them. Their voice disappears into the horizon as they head west.

Each night she would let me in her house, to keep warm. She always leaves one window open so I can come in, though sometimes whenever it's closed I knew what was happening. Once again that night when I waited for her on a roof, the window was closed. You can hear her screaming and weeping for mercy. The sound of banging and shattering glasses echo throughout the town. Not one single person turns their lights on nor even try to help her.

Her frail voice lingers in my ear crying for help, mercy. I snapped and swooped down. The glass shattered, the shards scattered and there he was. I saw the man staring at me intensely. He directs his rage towards me and wields his anger; with a broken stick tightly gripped to his hands. I use my long strong beak attacking him and flapping madly at him. His roar in pain trying to fight back. But that never did him well. I continued fighting this beast, until Emiko grabbed me by the neck and wrapped her arm around my plumage, she quickly fled to the door and released me. her eyes filled with misery as she let go of me. Then a hand peeking through the beast’s shadow appears and grasps her by the neck., and violently throws her into the room. she continues to scream while I squawk at the door. Let me in! let me in! I couldn’t do anything, I tried to alarm the neighbour or someone but everyone threw rocks telling me to go away like I’m a pest to them... I was left to listen to her nightmare growing under the moonlight. Her voice died out, I heard the door open. From the shades I watch the beast disappear in the night.

The nightmare soon passes as the frozen morning peaks through the horizon. From the corner of my eye I notice that the window is open. I quickly fly towards her with my ice wings. That moment shocked me. her pale white body on the floor looking like a dead corpse. A rag barely covered her from the cold as the snow followed me into the room. I lift her arm with my long beak, I flap my damp wings from the weather to try waking her up. Finally, she opens her eyes, she tries to get up. But I stopped her by flapping my wings as the snow rained down on her. I squeaked at her nodding and continuously flapping my wings at her. She looked at me with those bruised purple eyes, while smiling as she wiped the smothering blood off her face with her crooked hands.

‘ I’m sorry I didn’t let you in…my father was angry at me..”

No, don’t say sorry…. don’t lie. There were more bruises on her arm and face as she pets me on my plumage with her cold broken hand, I avoid looking at her. stop smiling, you don’t deserve this life. I want your suffering to end. I remember her crippling voice flew with the wind that night. It still echoes in my mind. ‘It’s all my fault…’ she said to herself.

That afternoon I watched her walking through the ghost town carrying the heavy boxes. I trailed behind her once again. Her skeleton body killed me when I continued to watch her. This guilt and pitiful feeling filled me. just like when my mother. My memoir of her when she was trying to protect us from a monster. She was very strong indeed, but her face shows she was struggling to save her family. Though she won the fight, she remained in pain. The predator bit her plumage when she turned to face us, her stained feather coloured in blood. That colour of crimson blood and her emotionless face looked at me in the eyes. I felt the same guilt from that time, I didn’t help her nor Emiko. Will she abandon me? Like my mother and sister did?

The next day the lifeless town remained the same as always just a black and white picture. I notice a group of people mumbling at each other while they shiver in fear, everyone continuously looks up into the foggy sky waiting for something. Their pale white faces reflect each other's souls since they all fear this noise coming from the odd birds. A loud noise erupts as they glide through the storm. What are they? Metal birds? Emiko whispers out to me from the corner, her face filled in fear and her bony hands shake as she signals me to take shelter. Why is everyone afraid? What happened to them? That frosty afternoon I was confined indoors. But I am glad that she is with me in the empty house, I look around to find that monstrous being lurking by, but he wasn’t there either.

“I’m fine...” she whispered as she caressed my plumage. The beastly man should never come back here nor even exist.

During that night another bird passed by, a big giant black bird with lifeless eyes soaring through the midnight sky, it left a trail of black clouds while it disappeared in the mist. I didn’t sleep that night knowing the man is still out there. I don’t want her nightmare to be real once more. And my mind was filled with confusion about these birds. They don’t speak nor have any feathers but this solid shiny metal covering their body. The eyes look like windows, like the windows in this room. But what I’m more curious about is that inside it was people. People?! My thoughts left me staring at the new moon all night long.

Another icy-cold morning filled the town with bitterness. Today confuses me more than my thoughts. When Emiko found out the beast died. Though it wasn’t a wish nor a curse of him existing, but it came true. A crowd left me in the cold as they gathered around the black coffin. I saw her wearing a black dress, her face buried in her hands while her tears dropped one by one. She is crying again…she wept and mourned for this beast.. Why? He was cruel to you; a beast! He put all his anger and violence on you. He cursed you to die!? She remained in that same spot, a large black box in front of her decorated in white flowers and a photo of that beast smiling.

I was annoyed by her actions, but I felt her despair, her sorrow. She was me. She reflects my life. I recall those feelings from that time. When I woke up that cold morning, a blurry vision of my mother and sister spreading their wings as they took flight towards the sky. I remember trying to flap my short wings, it never does me well. My high pitched voice screams for her, each day, and years pass. Realising now, I share her misery and pain. From that day it was her that provided me comfort. The cold storm shook the room. I wrapped my wings around her while she cried. She revealed her face filled in desolation.

“D-don’t worry about me…I’m fine” she whispered

Don’t say those words, don’t smile at me. I squawk and flap my wings at her.

“Thank you for being here”.

That evening I watch them from afar while they bury him, the beast who is now asleep in the frozen ground. Emiko stood and watched her as they covered the coffin in soil. Everyone was covered in black clothes as they gathered around Emiko passing their care to her. I notice her smile had no warmth nor cold, just a dull soulless face..

The cold wind sweeps through inside our empty house while the only bickering light was the small fire. Her old thin blanket never really keeps her warm, but it was the only thing left in her world other than me. She huddles near the fire burying herself in the old cloth. I sat in the corner listening to her mourn while she crumbles in her feelings

Soon the storm came for all of us. Knowing Emiko, she would remain inside from the cold. I remained outside and said that if she ever decides to leave the house I will rant on her. This is for her sake, only her. Once again, I can hear the metal birds soaring pass by. However, this time it was only one. Suddenly a siren erupts the whole town. I watched everyone running in fear, they pushed each other trying to get through the crowd. I remain standing on the frozen tiled roof near the gate.

I look up to the dull grey sky, I couldn’t hear the metal bird, but I know it stays in the same place. there was no movement from it.

The siren continuously echoes throughout the town as the sea violently floods the gates. The cars and bikes packed with sacks and people as they hurriedly left the town.

I still can’t understand why they’re leaving nor their emotions. My focus then shifts to a fragile voice.

A faint voice from afar telling me to leave. Go! fly! Leave this place! shoo! It was Emiko and she was running towards me. I flew down to the front gate waiting for her. she continues yelling at me. I still couldn’t understand why… A man pushed me out of his way crying out that the bird has fallen! The bird has fallen! I look to where Emiko as she continues to wave, screaming at me. Run! Fly! Her words never reach me until the very last moment. A shot of light explodes out of nowhere blinding the world.

For a moment I saw Emiko, my sister and my mother waiting for me in the distance. Finally, I’m reunited with my mother.