My Dream Guy

How did that first kiss happen?

It was the end of our first – and what I assumed would be last – date. He wasn’t a bad guy – he was just really boring. He wore a white polo and talked about golf and his hair the whole time. Boring.

At the end of the date, when he went to drop me off on my doorstep, he just kept going on and on about golf and his job and this anti-balding product he was using. I didn’t know how to end it, so I just grabbed his face and kissed him. I meant to say good night and run inside right after, but something weird happened while we were kissing. (No, not that!)

I got, like, this dream or vision. I know, I know! It sounds weird, but hear me out!

You know how you kiss with your eyes shut? Well, when I shut my eyes and kissed him, this image popped into my head, like a movie. What I saw was me on the phone with Kim, my best friend from high school, and she was telling me about a job opening at her marketing firm. Now, I’d been looking for a job for two months and had no leads – none. I hadn’t talked to Kim in ages – I didn’t even know what she was doing for work. But after the date ended, I looked her up and sure enough, she was working at this marketing firm. I went to their website and saw that there was a job opening. (Are you following?) So I called Kim up the next day, we talked, and she told me about the job opening at her marketing firm, just like in the vision I had while kissing that guy.

Weird, right?

Anyway, Kim helped me out, I applied for the job, and I got it. It was awesome, my dream job.

Fast forward a month or two and I was working on a project for the marketing firm and I was completely stuck. No clue what to do. I wasn't getting along with my teammates, my boss was getting annoyed and I thought I was gonna be fired for sure.

I remembered the little dream or vision thing I had while kissing that guy a few months before. Obviously, I’d gone on dates and kissed other guys in the meantime, but I never got any visions while kissing them – not that I’d really expected to; I’m not a weirdo.

But I started thinking, maybe if I kissed this same guy again, I’d get another little peek into the future, something that could help me out with work again.

So I messaged him, flirted the best I could, and the next day we were on another date. Oh my gosh, he was still so boring and I swear whatever anti-balding treatment he was using, it wasn’t working because his hairline had receded at least an inch since our first date. Anyway, we kissed again at the end of the date and boom! – another vision came to me: I saw myself talking to the team lead Amanda about an idea we could do for the project and she was totally on-board with what I was telling her.

So the next day, I went into work, talked to Amanda about the idea I saw in my vision and, yeah, she loved it. We did the idea, my team nailed the project, everybody loved me, and my job was saved.

Obviously, I started dating this boring guy after that, and every time we kissed, I got a vision. Sometimes, big things, sometimes, small things. Sometimes, it was like, gotta remember to turn off my oven tomorrow, or make sure to wish Tiffany at the office a happy birthday. Other times, I got more ideas for projects at work. I was doing so well that I got a promotion and big raise. Life was good and it was all thanks to my visions.

So one time while I was making out with this boring guy, I got a vision about the hottest guy I had ever seen. I saw myself running in the park when this hunk totally backed into me while he was playing frisbee. I saw both of us falling over, but we ended up laughing and talking. He told me his name was Austin and asked me on a date.

Ugh, what a meet-cute.

The next day, I went to the park and ran around for an hour, but I didn’t see this handsome hunk of man anywhere. I didn’t even see anyone playing frisbee.

So that night, I got together with my boyfriend and, after he spent forty minutes telling me about all these different birds that were on his golf course, we kissed and I got another vision: I saw Austin again and we were on our first date. We were sharing a slice of chocolate cake (my favorite) and, for the first time, I didn’t just see or hear something in a vision, I felt something too: I felt happy, content.

But how was I supposed to find this guy? I kept running in the park, but I never saw him anywhere. I kept making out with Mr. Balding Golf Man so I could see more of this handsome Austin guy, learn more about him, and everything I learned made me like him even more. I found out he was a doctor, he didn’t actually like sports even though he was very fit (ugh, so perfect), and he was such a good kisser. But despite all the real making out I was doing with my then-boyfriend, I never got any more clues about how to meet my dream Austin.

So one day, while I was doing my daily run at the park, and feeling pretty frustrated that even though I was kissing my boring boyfriend over and over and over again, but still hadn’t met Austin, slam! – someone crashed into me. I felt a little dazed, but when I looked over, who do you think I saw but my Austin.

Ahh, Austin. Perfect Austin.

I broke up with the first guy and we started dating. Everything was just like in my visions but better because it was real. I felt that happiness and contentment from my visions. I thought my fairy tale had found its happy ending.

Well, turns out it hasn't.

As you know, I’ve had the worst luck lately. First, I lost my wallet. Then, I donated a pair of jeans that had eighty dollars in the pocket to a thrift store, but by the time I went back for them, they were gone. After that, someone stole my identity and bought five thousand dollars’ worth of hunting equipment in Canada. And last night, I nearly burned down my apartment because I forgot to turn my stove off.

On top of that, work’s been getting tricky. Everyone in my department has been looking to me for ideas, but I’m out of them and no new ones are coming. Now this girl Sarah is competing for my spot and she’s a lot more popular than me, so I think she might get it. Plus, Kim’s mad that I remembered Tiffany’s birthday but not hers.

Being with you has been a literal dream come true, but this isn’t going to work. I need to go back to the boring bald-headed golfer. I need the visions. Maybe once things have calmed down in life and at work, we can get back together, but we just can’t right now.

You do understand, don’t you, Austin?