My Anam Cara

Anna's cold fingers grasped my wrist tightly, pulling me out of the room and onto the landing before closing the door behind us, all in one motion. I watched as she leaned her body against the closed door, breathing deeply and looking at me in shock.

"What'd you you think you're doing Mae? That behaviour's completely uncalled for. Do you have any idea how upset he's going to be in there?”.

I looked straight into her eyes and I could see my outburst was a surprise to her. I held my left hand loosely over my mouth and lifted it to my forehead before I spoke.

“Oh my, Anna! I'm all balled up. I can't believe the state of him, he looks so ill and helpless and weak. That's not Charlie – what's happened to him?”.

I could hear the panic in my voice and I started pacing up and down in front of her holding my arms around my stomach in shock. I felt sick and I wanted to cry but no tears came. I suddenly felt her grab my left arm to hold me still. She put her face in front of mine so our eyes were level and spoke to me in her best nurses voice.

“He's real sick Mae, surely you'd prepared in your mind for this. I was under the impression that your mother had filled you in on things”.

“She had, but she obviously hadn't realised how bad he was herself. He's a dead man almost. I thought you were a nurse. Aren't you supposed to be looking after him? We've got to set up some kind of treatment plan. He's my best friend, he has to fight, I'm not going to let him give up like this”.

“He may be your best friend Mae but he's my fiancé", she straightened up and let go of my arm as I felt my heart skip a beat and my thoughts changed direction.

"What? You're engaged?".

"Yes, six months ago, before all this happened. He sent you a letter".

"Well mail sure does travel slowly nowadays. I never got a letter. I suppose a congratulations is in order".

"A congratulations? I don't think that's entirely appropriate considering the situation, do you?".

"Anna I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I didn't mean it like that. This is all too much. This whole thing. I didn't expect him to be so far advanced. It's like....it's like he's just given up all hope".

"No, we don't see it that way. He's accepted the fact that he's going to die and he's become peaceful with the situation. It's what he needed to do Mae. You should've seen him a few weeks ago. He was horribly agitated and aggressive, he just didn't want to hear it"

"Sounds like I'm too late already"

"What'd you mean too late? You got here in time to say goodbye"

"Yes exactly! Far too late. I should've been told earlier, damn mail system! Couldn't someone have picked up the telephone? How am I supposed to get him back to the place where he was a few weeks ago?"

"No Mae, this is what I was afraid of in the first place, this is why I got so angry in the room just now. I won't have you upsetting him so. I've worked damn hard, day and night to ease the pain and to comfort him, get his mind and head to a peaceful state. I, we, don't need you rushing in here getting him all riled up and excited about a possible cure for this because there isn't one. If you love him as much as you say you do then please, dry up and just keep away".