Music and writing

My stress reliever is music, tv, reading, and writing. I can sit down and lose touch with reality which helps with stress, anxiety, and depression.

here is a little bit of what helps me get through this crazy thing we call life. I have written three books and currently, I am working on my third Gilmore Girl Fanfic.

Music helps me escape my current reality and go off to a different world. I listen to everything from Rock to country. Some from the seventies all the way to current music like Kane Brown.

I am a huge New Kids on the Block fan and have been since I was seven years old. I am going to see them live in a few weeks and I can't wait.

I enjoy writing because I can forget how bad my life truly sucks and put myself into the story I am writing. I do not pre-write a story or a chapter. I keep an outline of chapters but I sit down and pick up where I left off.

I write and just lose myself. I enjoy writing my own versions of stories. I also enjoy reading I have so many books in my house that I have no room for any more books.

I also love watching tv-shows, I have binge-watched so many shows it's not even funny. I am a huge Vampire Diaries and Gilmore Girls fan. I am currently watching Gossip Girl the original all over again just started it yesterday.

I guess these are healthier ways to handle life and depression. As I tell my mom I am doing the best I can. Next, I am going to give you a back story to why I am like I am.

I am a single mother of two children who are twenty and eighteen. I am forty-one and we lost my husband their dad almost twelve years ago to a drunk driver.

Since the accident, I had to step up for both of my children and I became their mom and dad in an incident.

After he was killed I sank into a deep depression and that is when I first started binge-watching tv shows and movies.

One night my daughter and I went to blockbuster to rent some movies we decided to rent Twilight went back home and we watched it. We both fell in love and New Moon had just been released in the theatres so we went to watch it. By this time I was hooked and ordered all the books.

When they arrived I sat down and read them all as quickly as I could. I cooked dinner and washed dishes one-handed until I finished them all. I have read them several times and rewatched all the movies several times.

I actually just finished rewatching them this past weekend all five movies, then watched all three Fifty shades movies, both Legally blondes, and The first two Fast and Furious movies.

So, as you can see I watch a lot of tv and movies. I still ended up completing two other stories for the challenges on this site and have written two chapters on my Fanfic.

I don't get a lot of sleep so find ways to help with my depression. I don't leave my house often except for appointments and to visit my mother a couple of times a month.

Depression and anxiety are really hard to handle and these are better ways than drugs and alcohol.

I have dealt with depression since I was fourteen and was diagnosed as an insulin dependant diabetic. After my husband was killed it went from melancholy depression which is on the lower scale to major depression.

I have since gained over fifty pounds in the last four years and went from eating two full meals and snacks through the day to only eating once a day normally late in the evening. Which doesn't make since trust me I know the feeling. I cut down my food intake and gained weight.

I deal with the sleepless nights and the feeling that nothing I ever do is good enough. Sometimes I even feel that I am just taking up space in this world but I know that no matter how bad I feel I have two kids that depend on me since I am the only parent they have.

So I do my best at keeping myself and my depression under control. I have been on antidepression medicine for the last year. It has helped a little but I am not back to myself.

I miss myself as the person who loved to go out to dinner, to movies, shopping with my kids, going to the park, and outdoor festivals. I hope that one day soon I am back to myself but, to be honest, I am not sure if that will ever happen.

When you lose someone as I lost my husband in a horrific accident a part of me died with him. I honestly believe that a piece of me died with my husband and this me may be the only me left.

I put on fake smiles for my children and do my best to hide my depression for them because I am not the only person who lost someone they lost their father as well.

So, to anyone reading this and dealing with depression or anxiety just know you are not alone. Life is hard sometimes but I had to learn to be the bigger person and just hide it the best way I can for my children.

Finally, I am going to take you through how books, music, and writing help transform into a whole different world than my reality.

When life is getting the best of me. I sit down and just start typing. I put myself into my story and it is as if I am the characters I am writing.

When I sit down to my computer, my reality no longer exists, I fade away from my world and into my story.

When I read I transform into the characters in the story I am reading. I no longer exist and my stress fades away. My anxiety disappears. My depression vanishes.

When I put my AirPods in and hit the play button to my music. It is as if I am sitting front row in my own personal concert. I can listen to my music and just close my eyes and I am no longer me.

When I turn on a show or movie I become a part of their world and leave mine behind. I have lived in Stars Hollow, attended Yale with Rory. I have lived in Mystic Falls and rode in Damon's muscle car. I have lived in Forks and became a part of the Cullen family.

I have sat on the beach and watched the waves crash against the shore with Ryan and Marissa in the OC. I have attended St. Jude Private school with Chuck, Blaire, and Serena in Gossip Girl.

I have driven through the streets of California, Miami, Tokyo, Mexico, and so many more with Dominic and Bryan living my life a quarter of a mile at a time in the Fast and Furious movies.

I can get so wrapped up in a book or movie that I feel happy when good things happen or sad when bad things happen.

This is the end of this story and I hope that if you are dealing with these same issues you can get lost in a new reality as I do. As I said before just know you are not alone.