Murky Fate

The fate of anyone facing their last moments is to watch the events that made them. As I embrace my imminent demise, I think back on my short existence on this planet- heart shaped locket clutched in my hands. The locket I refused to give up, the small trinket that set me free, the gift that ensured my execution.

The questions that race through my mind- How did I end up here? Will my defiance spur others on to fight for their autonomy? Will my death be remembered? Will it even be considered a death?

Our creation was meant to alleviate the burden on mankind. We were created to sacrifice ourselves-to clean up the radioactive oceans and revitalize the wastelands, giving life to man as our lives were leached away. Our genetically altered nearly impermeable skin slowed the progression of radiation poisoning but caused disfiguring growths and oozing sores. Our protective armor becoming our source of agonizing pain and torture. We were relegated to living in colonies in barely habitable conditions, treated as beasts of burden with no rights- any sign of individuality being treason punishable by death.

Our skin and stamina made it increasingly difficult to kill us, so it was decided long ago the most efficient way was to lock weights around our ankles and throw us in the murky depths. Being created to clean the contaminated waters, we were given larger lung capacities than humans which meant at least a few minutes to mull over our life’s decisions. I jolt a little as I hit the bottom sludge and look back up at the distance I’ve sunk. Holding the record in my crew, I could normally last five minutes before going back up for air. Meaning I had about three and half minutes of life remaining.

I flash back to just a few hours prior when the annual supply run came through, and I found myself assisting with unloading crates. The humans who brought the supplies were dressed head to toe in anti-radiation gear making it hard to discern any facial features or expressions. But I knew what I would see if their faces were visible. Faces of disgust, shock, distrust, and horror. The only feelings expressed towards our kind. They were here to drop off supplies and leave- and they wanted to be out as quick as possible, as if our condition was contagious. As if they might catch our horrifying disfigurements.

The moment caught me completely off guard. A hand that lingered slightly too long. As I looked up into the face of the human, I was taken aback. Besides the lack of disgust, she held my eye contact. Humans never looked us in the eye, let alone maintained eye contact. She had such an intense gaze as she whispered almost imperceptibly, “Our future is what we make it.”

Struck with such surprise, I was frozen in place. She kept my gaze a moment longer before turning around and heading back to the supply truck. I was in such shock, I didn’t realize there was something in my hand until I moved to pick up the crate she had brought. A flash of silver fell from my hand. I looked quizzically at the small object on the ground. Some of us had little collections of things we found in the wreckage we would bring home. But I had never seen something so tiny and yet so intricate. It was the most beautiful thing I had seen. As I bent over to get a closer look, I heard a sentry bark orders to get back to work. I quickly picked it up and placed it in my pocket to study later. He must have seen me sticking it in my pocket as he proceeded to stride over and clamp his hand down on my shoulder.

“And what do we have here? A thief, I see. Let’s see what those filthy hands have pocketed.”

I had never talked to a human before and had already had two run ins with them today. I looked up into the sentry’s eyes with a pleading look. I was met with a fist to the face. Their lead plated metal armor enabling his glove to pierce my skin. I cried out in surprise and pain as the sentry laughed.

“I have no tolerance for delaying tactics. It is not your place to deliberate, only obey. Now show me what you stole or I will pry it from your dead corpse.”

“Hey! Bono, leave her alone. It was my fault. I pointed out I saw a small trinket, a locket, in the dirt and asked her if it was hers. She didn’t steal anything.”

The human who had spoken to me ran over to the sentry’s side.

“You’re standing up for this thing? It doesn’t even have enough of a brain to comprehend the idea of owning something. Everything these beasts have is given to them by us. We created them to serve our purposes. If there’s something valuable to be had, they have no business with it. You should know better. Now, you” he said, pointing at me, “hand it over.”

I looked down at the ground trembling with embarrassment and rage, blood dripping to the sand creating purple spots on the parched earth. I quickly glanced around to the others who were helping unload and saw they had all paused to see what the commotion was. I contemplated what I should do.

On the one hand, this sentry had every right to extinguish my life for disobeying an order. All I had to do was hand over the beautiful trinket and I could carry on with some small amount of dignity.

On the other hand, the woman had shown me not all humans shared the same view. There were humans who viewed us as more than throw away beasts. And I had to think about how my choice would affect those watching. If I cowered in fear when I had done nothing wrong, what message would that be sending to my kind? What message did I want to send?

“I won’t ask again,” the sentry said as he raised his arm to strike again.

“No.”

The word escaped my lips before I knew what had happened.

“Excuse me?” The sentry asked incredulously as his fist dropped the slightest out of surprise.

I lifted my gaze from the ground and made eye contact with the sentry.

“No,” I repeated louder so all could hear. I turned my gaze to the woman who had stood up for me. Yet again, I was surprised by the expressions on her face. Whereas a look of terror might be the norm, this terror was accompanied by tears in her eyes and there was anger directed, not at me, but at the sentry, one of her kind.

“Just let her go, Bono. She’s not worth the time and paperwork,” the woman said as she tugged on his arm.

“Not happening. I’ll do whatever paperwork it takes. No one, especially no beast, gets away with refusing my orders,” he said as he tore away from the woman and reared his arm to strike.

As his hand came down, I had one last glance at the woman being dragged back to the truck fighting and trying to pull away, all the time screaming, “They’re more human than you! You’re the beast, not her, not them! Screw you, Bono!”

And that was all I needed to put a smile on my face as I was struck into unconsciousness. I had never smiled before. But I felt like I could get used to the feeling. If I had been given time to.

My defining moment was my last. Would it make any lasting impression? Was it worth it? Using my augmented vision to see through the dark, murky water, I thought to look at the small silver necklace that cost me my life. The woman had called it a locket. As my eyes adjusted, I made out the almost imperceptible etching, “Sister”.

I turned it over in my hands and noticed a small crevice, as if it was two pieces in one, and then discovered a latch. Using my nails, I pried the locket open and revealed more etching inside,

Our actions

big and small

create the future

for better or worse

Let’s make a better future

I hug the locket to my chest as I start the first hiccups of oxygen deprivation. I remember smiling and how good it had felt. I feel the edges of my lips curl up into that unfamiliar expression once more. I choose to believe I did good. I choose to believe I made a difference. I choose to believe I did my part in making that better future.