Much Obliged

"Hey, pardner, perhaps you would like a piece of this here Christmas cake my mother made?"

"Sure would. Much appreciated."

"Name’s Walter Jarret."

"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Jarret."

"You can call me just Jarret. What’s yur handle?"

"Elmer McCurdy."

"Here ya go, Elmer."

"Thank you, Mr Jarret, uh...just Jarret...uh..."

"And there is more where that came from. I like the little chewy things in there."

"When I was a kid I used to eat the red ones and leave the green ones."

"I like the green ones too and also these things."

"Them’s raisins."

"So what ya in for, Elmer?"

"Possession of burglary tools."

"Yeah? I have also burgled in my time. But I consider my real vocation to be train robber. I ain’t never robbed one yet, but I plan to, just like Jesse James."

"Jesse James was a great man."

"Never a truer word spoken, pardner. Ya know, they say the good ole days when Jesse rode are over. I do not believe it - only nowadays, there is so many laws, makes it hard for a man to earn his keep. Much as if they put handcuffs on a man's mind."

"Yeah. Like mind-cuffs, I guess you could say."

"I guess. So whad’ya steal, Elmer?"

"Nothin’. That is to say, my bag of tools are not necessarily for burglary. I ain’t sayin’ they are. I have a trial comin’ up and so I ain’t sayin’ nothin’ about that. But ..."

"But yur charged with possession of burglarious tools?"

"Yep."

"Gee, Elmer, that there's a pretty serious claim, possibly a class E felony."

"Well, you see, Jarret, my tools are actually for a contrivance I’m working on...and this is what I'll tell the judge, see. I was inventin' a machine gun stand thing...that will, uh, allow for the gun to rotate and...move up and down at the same time. And it has a foot pedal to operate the gun, so yur hands are free."

"Sounds like yur gonna beat this rap, Elmer. Rat-a-tat-tat. Rat-a-tat-tat!"

"But I tell ya, Jarret, what is more grand is I have skills for crackin' safes."

"No kiddin’."

"Well, not crack so much as blow."

"Not crack so much as blow. Oh, I get ya."

"In the army I became an expert in the use of nitroglycerin."

"Rackarock."

"Yep. If you need to blow up a bridge or a safe, I can handle the job."

"Yeah? If you get sprung, Elmer, I think maybe we could meet up on the outside...see, I got plans and you seem to know quite a bit of useful things. How old are you anyway?"

"My birthday is January one. I will be thirty-one years of age on the first day of 1911."

"Well, that is just a few days away! Happy birthday, pard. I think having yur birthday on the first day of a new year must be good luck."

"I guess. Has not worked out that way much."

"Hey, I have a present for you."

"You do?"

"A tip I learned in my extensive readin' about Jesse James. Jesse had a little trick he used for his trials. You might find it comin’ in handy. Jesse used to supeenee his friends as what they call character witnesses."

"Supeenee, eh."

"Yeah, that means they have to come to the court to say what a good dude you are and all."

"Okay...well, Jesse was the man. Much obliged, Jarret. For the Christmas cake too."