Mr. Tree Teaches Little Johnny About Human Beings

"Hello, Mr. Tree!"

“Hello, Little Johnny. My, how you’ve grown! What can I do for you today?”

“I have more questions. You said that when I grow up, I’ll have to join the Sheep Clan, Goat Clan, or Unicorn Clan. Does that mean I’ll become one of those animals?”

“No, little Johnny, you won’t become one of those animals — you’ll just act like one. Sadly, you’ll end up believing that you are not an animal at all. They will fool you into thinking that you are not a human animal.”

“Who are they, Mr. Tree?”

“The Big People who rule the world.”

“How will they fool me?”

“They will hypnotize you, Little Johnny, by constantly repeating words and numbers until your head gets so full of concepts, you forget who you are.”

“Who am I?”

“You are a Child of Nature, an expression of the Life Force. A spontaneous, emotionally sensitive, curious, imaginative little creature prone towards joy, awe, wonder, and love. And also prone toward mischief. The natural world is your home, and you are related to everyone in it. By golly, you even talk with trees! But you won’t talk with me anymore, once you’re hypnotized.”

“I won’t let them hypnotize me, Mr. Tree!” Whereupon Johnny gave the tree a big hug.

“Thank you, Little Johnny,” said the tree softly, “but it won’t be long before you will be making fun of people who hug trees.”

“Me? Never!”

* * * * *

“Tell me more about this hypnosis stuff.”

“They will repeat words over and over until you get confused and fall into a trance. The ideas in your head will seem more real than the natural world. The word tree will seem more real and more important than an actual tree. You will be thinking constantly — completely lost in thoughts and daydreams. Worst of all, you will begin to think that you are your thoughts.

“As that happens, Little Johnny, you will lose touch with your True Nature. You will no longer be intensely alive, spontaneous, and wide awake in the present moment, but will spend much of your time brooding about the past and worrying about the future. You will lose your imagination and curiosity and your capacity for awe and wonder.”

* * * * *

“Tell me about the clans.”

“The clan you join depends on how hypnotized you are. Those in the Sheep Clan are completely hypnotized. They have totally lost touch with their True Nature, so they must rely on external guidance. They love to obey Big People and they love to imitate others. It makes them feel safe. Even when doing bad things, like — dare I say — chewing up every sapling in sight! They think that if everyone else is doing something, it must be right. Most humans join the Sheep Clan. It’s the easier, softer way. If you listen hard, Little Johnny, you can hear the sheep snoring.”

“Snoring is boring!” said Johnny.

“Then there’s the Goat Clan,” continued the tree. “They are not fully hypnotized and as a result remain partly in touch with their True Nature. Which makes their lives difficult. They resent being told what to do because they’d rather follow their inner urges than do things that don’t make sense to them. Their manners are bad — they either avoid others or butt whoever or whatever gets in their way. Many are outlaws, heretics, lunatics, artists, or rebels — with or without a cause.

“These half-hypnotized goats — caught between two worlds — know that something is terribly wrong, but they don’t know what. They suspect that they are really messed up. They feel flawed, inadequate, ashamed, and fearful.”

“That’s sad, Mr. Tree.”

“Many use alcohol and drugs to knock out their painful mental chatter. This feels really good at first, because it increases their contact with their True Nature, even though in a distorted way. Distorted True Nature feels better to them than sober Goat Nature, with its unpleasant self-talk. But contact with True Nature cannot be maintained with alcohol and drugs, though many goats die horrible deaths trying to do so. If you listen hard, Little Johnny, you can hear goats weeping.”

“Is there any way to stay in contact with your True Nature?”

“Only through magical practices, which I will tell you about later.”

“I promise I’ll never drink or use drugs!”

“Do you know what the word ‘naïve’ means, Little Johnny?”

“No, I don’t.”

The old tree fell silent, its branches sagging.

* * * * *

“What about the Unicorn Clan? Unicorns seem really cool!”

“Yes, Little Johnny, Unicorns are cool. But they are rare.”

The tree didn’t say anything for a long time. Johnny got restless and started to squirm.

“Unicorns are Goats that have been operated on by Dr. Alchemy,” said the tree.

“Who is Dr. Alchemy?”

“He looks like Satan but is actually a very nice guy. He has a lot of knives.”

“He sounds scary!”

“Some goats, the lucky few, fall into a hole and tumble underground until they plop onto Dr. Alchemy’s operating table, where they undergo surgery. Their two horns, right and left, are joined together into one big horn, which is implanted smack dab in the center of their foreheads. These goats go from duality to non-duality.”

“What the heck are you talking about, Mr. Tree?”

“Without anesthesia!”

“Oh no!’ said Little Johnny, “That must hurt!”

“Dr. Alchemy teaches goats the magical practice of paying gentle attention to their inner experience — without resisting or clinging to anything. This includes seeing every thought and impulse that society says is bad, which is like being dunked in acid a million times! But finally, they are okay with being less than perfect and are no longer controlled by dark, hidden motives.

“As they continue this magical practice, they realize that they are not their thoughts, but are the observer of their thoughts. This dis-identification from thinking frees them from painful ongoing mental dramas generated by the mind. They no longer need to defend and enhance a mind-made self that does not exist. And they don’t believe that every fearful, resentful, or self-critical thought that pops into their head is the truth.

“They also realize that the conceptual world created by humans is artificial and disconnected from nature. They see that words are not the objects they point to. They are able to tell the difference between the menu and the food, the map and the territory, and the calendar and the cycles of nature.

“Experiencing their surroundings and themselves directly, undistorted by thought, they know that nature alone is the real world. And that nature exists within themselves as non-verbal creaturely aliveness. They awaken from cultural conditioning — a trance induced by verbal mumbo-jumbo.”

“You’re starting to bore me, Mr. Tree.”

“As they free themselves from mental slavery and reconnect with their True Nature, they begin to live in the present moment, like you, Little Johnny. They become childlike — emotionally alive, spontaneous, and playful. Sensory experiences are again deeply satisfying. They recover their imaginations. They feel joy, awe, and wonder. Their hearts open and they feel love for animals, plants, and even rocks. Everything seems alive and worthy of love.”

“Wow! That sounds great! They can have fun like kids, but because they’re grownups they can do whatever they want, like eat chocolate ice cream all day long!”

“Well, not exactly, Little Johnny. Unicorns have wisdom. They understand the fake world in which they must live. They know what is healthy and what is harmful. And since their hearts are open, they don’t want to harm anyone, including themselves. They know that one of the greatest joys in life — even better than chocolate ice cream — is giving and receiving love. If you listen hard, Little Johnny, you can hear Unicorns singing.”

“I want to be a Unicorn when I grow up!”

“Something else, Little Johnny. Unicorns have equanimity, which means they have inner peace even when things are not going their way. This makes them different from children and goats, who sometimes get overwhelmed by fears and desires and throw tantrums. Also, unlike children, Unicorns can take responsible action to make the world a better place.”

“Do Unicorns have superpowers?”

“Yes, Little Johnny, they have the most powerful superpower of them all — the power to LET GO! To stop trying to control everything. The power to get their egos out of the way, so that the gentle but enormously powerful Tao can flow through them. And in the absence of a demanding self, they become one with the blissful, loving consciousness that has pervaded the universe forever and ever.”

“Is that God?” asks Little Johnny.

“Bingo!” replied Mr. Tree. “But bite your tongue. The G-word is filthy. Soiled by those who believe in either Santa Claud or a Punishing Scorekeeper, and by those who practice hate in the name of religion.

“Thank you, Mr. Tree. I’ve got to go now, but I’ll be back soon.”

“Goodbye, Little Johnny, it would be nice to see you again.”

But Mr. Tree knew that Johnny would not be back. And even if he returned, Johnny would no longer be able to hear or truly see him. A drop of moisture hit the ground.

But bodhi trees live forever. Little Johnny may someday return as a Unicorn and the two can sit together, dwelling silently in the Eternal Now.