Mothers Embrace

“We regret to inform you that you have not been selected for the honor of reproducing for The Family,” the letter read.

It continued on, but Akaal could not focus. The small, barren dorm room felt as though it was caving in on her. She could feel her heart dropping from her chest. The tears, the anger, the lost time, it all hit her at once. The letter fell from her hand and drifted to the floor as she wept for the first time.

She had always known that her dream was ambitious. So few were selected to be Mothers, and even fewer were women chosen from her station. She had hoped that her time volunteering in The Creches would demonstrate her maternal instincts. She worked hard to qualify for the job in the Conception Lab, hoping that it would prove her worthiness. The time spent talking with the venerated elders, looking for a leg up. She had enjoyed speaking with the men and women past their fruitful times who dutifully guarded The Family’s most precious resources, the breeding materials from the chosen men and women.

She had once asked why they were not just given pills for this, like women from the Old Stories took? She was told that The Mothers believed that cycles were a sacred phenomenon and that any unnatural interference prior to the Selection process was considered an affront not just to women and The Family, but the entire Earth. Humans failing to heed the natural cycles had led to the Ravaging and the condition of the Earth today.

Even as a little girl, hearing the tales of the females that The Mothers allowed to have babies “naturally” had always captured her imagination. She understood that The Family was the most important aspect of society, and that her personal desires did not matter as much as the needs of The Family. Still, she hoped that she would be selected. That one day her DNA would perfectly combine with someone else’s DNA. Working in the Conception Lab, she had observed the fertilization of all of the optimal eggs with the best sperm to create the most fit next generation. When the conception and first divided, she always smiled and imagined it happening in her body someday.

She admired that The Mothers had always allowed a small group of selected women to carry children the Natural Way. While it was considered inefficient compared to the current technology used to produce the next generation, every Mother that was chosen to be a Leader was actually required to give birth the natural way. In order to lead you had to fully understand the pain and love intrinsic to carrying a child to term. How could you look out for the needs of The Family and Earth without that knowledge?

Akaal had never felt that she was the smartest, nor the prettiest, nor the strongest in her troop. However, no one had been a more industrious worker, or more dedicated to The Family. She was always in service, as this was her only way to have a chance. The small chance to become a Mother. She knew other women who would most likely be selected. Their only objective was to lead, to give orders to others, not to feel a child grow inside them.

When Akaal was a student she memorized the tales of The Ravaging and and how her people would have died, but for the strength and determination of The Mothers and their steadfast focus on The Family. Now, all members of The Family had food, shelter, electricity, and The Teachings. Slowly, under The Mothers’ leadership, the battle-scarred Earth had begun to heal again.

Her weeping had subsided, but she was still full of despair. She had never allowed the thought of not being selected to be a Mother to even enter her mind. And now, as was customary for all Non-Selected males and females, she had ninety days until she would be sterilized. She had ninety days until the dream was impossible. She had ninety days to figure it out.

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Her mind backtracked to the beginning of that night. It had been two weeks since Akaal had received the letter. Looking for a distraction from her pain, she had reached out to her closest friend, Muyal. They had made plans to meet that evening, on the eve of the Festival of Lohri. The countdown of days had felt like a constant oppressive doom, but when she met with Muyal, all of that seemed to disappear.

Akaal knocked on Muyal’s door, and gasped when she saw her friend open it, wearing a stunning white dress. The Family never allowed anything other than conservative, functional garments ,and Akaal had only ever seen Muyal dressed in the plain uniforms allowed. But tonight, in this dress, she looked extraordinary. She observed how it hugged the curves of her body and gave Muyal a regal air, and instantly felt she was lacking in comparison, as she was only wearing a sack. Muyal quickly pulled Akaal inside the dorm room, swiftly shutting the door behind them.

“It’s decadent, isn’t it?” Muyal beamed, reading Akaal’s thoughts. The hem of the dress slightly fluttered as Muyal spun around, caught up in the wind of her twirl. Muyal continued, “Akaal, I know that you have never considered doing anything that The Mothers forbid. But, now that you have nothing to lose, would you entertain the idea of doing something truly exciting?”

“Maybe. What is it?”

Muyal shook her head. “You have to decide now if you are in or out. We may never be forgiven with what I have planned.”

Akaal took a step back, her face betraying her apprehension.

“Before you answer, consider this. You have only wanted one thing your entire life, and now that dream is gone. So why not enjoy one night of selfishness? One night to live for Akaal, and not The Family?”

Akaal had been conditioned to say no, as this went against everything she ever lived for. She could not believe what was happening, but something inside her said, “Yes. I am in.”

Muyal smiled as she went to the bed, reached under the pillow, and grabbed a parcel wrapped in the standard brown paper used by The Family.

“Now,” said Muyal giggling, “Please don’t ask any questions about this, or my dress. Just know that I got them, and hoped that you would say yes.”

Tears welled up in her eyes as Akaal unwrapped the package, discovering the most exquisite red dress she had ever seen.

The next moments were a blur, of how beautiful it felt to be in a dress, sneaking out of the dorm, the encounter with the older man who delivered them out of The Family territory, and then all of the new colors and the smells that invaded her senses. Especially the smell of the Slums. The mishmash of old stone, new plastic, and even newer mud bricks contrasted sharply with the sense of conformity that was all she had ever known.

Akaal questioned to herself why The Mothers even let the dirty and dangerous Slums exist. Yet, here she was in the middle of them, rushing into a decrepit old building with Muyal, like a couple of criminals. She felt alive.

Inside, Akaal caught her breath and let the moment soak in. Decorations for the festival adorned the room. Music filled her ears and she could smell something delicious in the air, something exotic. She followed it to its source and found a dark muddy concoction over rice. She had seen food like this in pictures, but never had tasted something so delectable. Laughter filled the air, and across the room people were dancing to the music. All of it seemed so foreign to her, and she felt overwhelmed by the moment. She grasped Muyal’s hand and beamed, “This is wonderful, thank you.”

In the midst of her dancing and merriment, suddenly everything stopped. She saw him. He was wearing an unbelievably blue shirt that accentuated every part of him. She had never seen a young male of her age in person before. Every male she had ever seen before this moment had been young, elderly, or an eunuch. The Mothers enforced the purity of the sexes with zeal.

She could see him looking at her, but was frozen by his gaze. She felt as though an invisible hand was nudging her in his direction, yet she could not move another step.

She remembered how she felt when he glided over to her. His hair, his smile, all of it stirred emotions in her that she had never experienced before. She could not even speak when he told her his name. Dattra.

And now looking back, she welled up at the memory of his voice, how she felt as they danced, and how quickly the moment passed. When she had finally found the confidence to ask him why he stayed in the Slums, he smiled cryptically and replied, “When everything is provided for you, then everything can be taken away.”

He then grabbed her hand, led her to a dark, private corner of the party and reached into his pocket. Carefully fixing her gaze, he pulled out an ornate heart shaped locket and pressed it into her palm. She gripped it firmly in her hand, feeling the texture of the edges imprinting into her skin. A moment later he would disappear forever, but right then he leaned into her so closely that she could vividly remember his smell as he whispered, “In this locket is the key to your eternal life.”

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The days and nights following the night in the Slums were oppressive and confusing. The expansive high of her brief, thrilling encounter met with the incessant countdown of the days. She felt increasingly bereft of meaning. With sixty days left, Akaal once again found herself in tears, grasping onto a locket from a man she would most likely never see again.

“How is this the key?” She wondered.

She suddenly felt an internal rage unknown to her before. Everything was unfair. Nothing was right. In her fury she cast the locket towards the wall, feeling lost in the futility of her circumstances. At the very moment it left her hand, Akaal regretted it instantly, and she was forced to watch in slow motion horror as it sped towards the concrete blocks.

When it broke apart, a small wispy coil of vapor, escaped from it. Akaal rushed to inspect the remains, as her mind tried to process what she had just seen. She realized she knew this vapor, she had seen it many times before in the lab, when removing eggs and sperm from storage for fertilizations. She looked at the inside of the the locket and saw a small vile containing a creamy white substance. She touched it and felt its coldness. She knew instantly what it was.

She stared at the vial, now understanding Dattra’s words. She knew she had a choice to make. One path would keep her in The Family where she would be comfortable, safe. She would grow old, live a comfortable life, and be able to help raise the next generation of The Family. The other path would be dangerous. She would have to leave The Family. She would be alone.

She took a deep breath. She hoped for wisdom. She opened the vial.