Mittens

“Did you put Mittens in her carrier? I need to leave in five, or the vet’s gonna charge us a no-show fee again!”

“She’s in the carrier; I left it in the hall upstairs. Bye. Mom!”

I rush up the stairs. I see the carrier, but no cat.

“Jay, she’s not here! Jay!”

“Just great.”

“Mittens, mittens, come on, girl.”

I lunge forward. “Gottcha!”

“Mrrrrrreeeeoooowww!!”

My legs give out from underneath me. “Ouch!” The cold wooden floor smacks the front of my body, and Mittens jumps.

Before I can stop her, she lands in front of the one place I promised myself I would never go. The old wooden door stands before me, buried under a thick layer of dust. I push up onto my elbows and slowly back away. Mittens paces back and forth at the threshold of the door, her eyes once green, now glowing a neon yellow. I lock eyes with her, unable to move, mesmerized by her movements. My skin starts to feel clammy and cold. I close my eyes, trying not to pass out.

“Kate, you really need to eat better. That’s why you never seem to have any energy.”

My eyes fly open, and I shake my head. Did Mittens just talk? Did I grab my weed instead of my cigarettes this morning?

Mittens stops her pacing and sits. “No, you didn’t take your weed, and frankly, your smoking habit isn’t doing you any favors.” She gives me a stern look.

“What, how, wait, what?!” I stutter.

“Relax, Katie. Don’t worry, you’ll get your cat back. I’ve just borrowed her for a bit. It’s Auntie Marg.” Mittens flashes me a wide, toothy grin.

I reach for the tiny flask of whisky in my jacket and take a long sip.

“Here we go again. Katie, you are just like your uncle, God rest him.” She motions the cross across her furry chest.

“Just a little liquid courage, Auntie.” I flash her my best fake grin.

“Don’t you get smart with me, Missy.” She swiftly smacks her tail down on the floor. I sit straight up at attention, just like I used to when I was a kid, and she would yell.

“That’s better. So..”

Before she can finish, I cut in.

“Why are you here, Auntie?” I ask, still not believing that I am talking to my cat.

“You know why.” She motions her head to the old dusty door.

I take another pull from my flask. This time, emptying it, wishing there was more. I swallow, the pain rising in my chest.

She slowly approaches and then sits. “Katie, you can’t pretend any longer. It wasn’t your fault. Nobody blames you.”

“Then why did he leave?” I feel the heat of my tears burn as they descend my cheeks.

“I don’t know, dear.” She moves in closer and puts her paw on my shoulder.

I finally let go. The weight of it, pushing out, I no longer want to control it. I lean against the back wall for support as my body lets go.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. Jay will be at college this summer. I don’t want to feel hollow any longer.”

“I know. It’s been so hard watching you.” She pauses. “Not live.”

“I remember when..”

I cut her off. “I don’t want to hear about how you overcame some impossible challenge. You have no idea what I went through.” I swallow back the lump in my throat. “What I am still going through.”

“You’re right. But I do know that it’s been 10 years, and it’s time to put it to rest.”

I try to interrupt her, but she puts her paw up, so I stop.

“Life is hard, Dear. We can’t always explain why things happen. We don’t have to like it, but we do need to know when to let go of the things we can’t control. Steve was a royal ass!”

I suddenly look up at my Auntie in disbelief. She never swears.

“I know, Auntie is getting sassy. I always thought you were too good for my nephew, but I am grateful that you married him because it brought you, Jay, and...” She hesitates. “Beautiful little Lucy, to our family.”

The pain floods my system as I hear Lucy’s name. My baby girl, who died minutes after she was born. I sob, I can’t hold it any longer. My shoulders cave in, like a pillar that’s lost its base. I crumble to the floor.

“It’s okay. Sleep. I won’t leave until it’s time.” Auntie pats my shoulder.

Before I can respond, a wave of heaviness overtakes me. I fall into a deep slumber, and when I awake, I feel a soft fleece blanket draped over me. I sit up. The automatic lights in the hall have turned on, and the sky is dark. I’m about to call out for Jay, but then I remember that he is at his Dad’s place tonight.

“Auntie?” I reach out.

“Meow.” Mittens pushes her head into my hand and purrs.

I suddenly feel hollow and alone again. Was Auntie even here? I don’t know if I can do this without her.

“What’s that, Mittens?” Mittens pushes a small velvet pouch towards me.

I empty the contents of the pouch into my hand. A large gold brooch falls out. The carving on the front is of a beautiful heart. I move my thumb across it, and warmth fills my body. I close my eyes. “Auntie,” I whisper.

I flip the broach over and read the engraving, “I will always be with you – Love Auntie Sassy.” I smile and put the broach in my pocket.

I push myself up and rise to my feet and, with Mittens in tow, I push the door to Lucy’s nursery open and walk through.