Miracles Fly Your Way

I buried my feet in the sand, feeling the grains of sand being pulled away with each wave. Each grain feeling like it was taking away small parts of me. I stared out into the horizon watching the sun set. I wanted, no, needed to catch this last sunset. Tomorrow my life was going to change. I was going to change. This sunset was my way of saying goodbye to the person I am right now. Sitting in silence, watching the darkness slowly take over the light was breathtakingly beautiful and quite poetic. For many a new day is a beginning, for me tomorrow was the beginning of the end.

I sat a little bit longer on the beach till it was completely dark. I wanted to take in the sounds of the waves crashing, feel the breeze of the ocean and the cool water on my feet. I had told myself I would not cry and that I was at peace but just realizing that I would never feel this again, let the tears I thought had dried up streamed down my eyes. I wasn’t sad, I just wanted time to stand still so I could stay here in this moment forever. The sound of my phone ringing snapped me back into reality and I looked down as it continued to buzz. I stared at it, waiting for it to stop and then as expected, the text messages started to come in: “Honey, where are you? I have been calling”, “Dinner is almost ready, I made all your favorites and Dad went out and got your favorite chocolate cake”, “Honey, I am worried you haven’t called me back. Please let me know you are okay” after the last one that read: “Miracles happen every day maybe yours is flying your way right now, chin up” I shut off my phone and put it my pocket. I knew she meant well and was trying to give me hope but my mom had to come to peace with it just like I did. I got up and decide to head back home. I don’t know why but the thought that my miracle was on my way, just really annoyed me. My mom was there, besides me the whole time. She came with me to every appointment, waited for every test result, she saw me change before her eyes this past year. She knew it, the doctors knew it, everyone knew it my time for miracles had passed. “Miracles” I scoffed out loud, shaking my head. I walked up the beach and onto the tree lined path that lead straight to my house.

I was halfway home when the air around me suddenly changed. It was like the air stood still and my senses heightened. I could hear the sound of every animal that called these trees their home, the sound of every leaf moving, everything felt alive. The sounds got louder and louder and then pure silence. I couldn’t even hear the waves anymore. My feet felt like lead and I just stood still not knowing what to expect. I heard its raspy call before I saw it wings silent flap, almost like a ghostly apparition, and land on a low branch a couple of feet away from me. It had a soft whitish face heart-shaped face, its back was gray with golden spots and finest black and white dots. I had never seen an barn owl this close to me ever, but this one had to be the most beautiful owl I had ever seen. It stared straight at me, with an unwavering gaze. I didn’t know how long I stood there but I slowly began to move closer and closer. Every step felt like a mile. Without breaking eye contact, I moved slowly and finally was so close that I could see every spot, every feather and every one of its sharp and curved claws. My heart raced and I could hear every beat echoing in my ears as I reached by hand out to touch his head. As soon as my fingers touched his head, the owl blinked and a blinding white light surrounded me. I shielded my eyes from the bright light and when I opened them, I was no longer amongst the trees.

“What the hell just happened” I said out aloud as I looked around. “Where am I?” I realized I was standing in an empty hospital room. I didn’t understand what just happened. “Dreaming. I am dreaming that’s the only thing that makes sense”. I looked down at my body, and everything was the same. I was wearing the same blue shorts and black top, my hands looked exactly the same. I pinched myself “Oww!!, nope I am awake! This is real! Realish?” Just then I saw a woman being wheeled into the room. She kept screaming “Did you call my husband?” over and over again. I couldn’t see her face, but her voice was so familiar and before realization could hit, I saw her face. “Mom!” I said out loud but no one looked my way. She looked younger and her hair was so much longer. I screamed a little louder “Mom!...Mom! What is happening are you okay?” I moved towards the bed and stood still in shock, “You’re pregnant! What! How is this possible? I just saw you this afternoon. What is going on? Mom! Answer me”. No one even looked my way. I even touched one of the nurse’s shoulders but nothing. Just then a man came running in excitedly saying out loud, “Lizzie! I am here! I got here as fast as I could. I hope I haven’t missed the arrival of our little princess!”. “This can’t be real. What is going on? Dad! Can you hear me?” I said out loud but he didn’t even look up. I stood there nauseous and confused. As I stood, I watched my mom with my dad by her side bring a life into this world. I didn’t know who. Cause I was standing right here. I continued to stand there and watch my mom in an intense amount of pain and then fall back in exhaustion as they bought the baby to her and my dad. My mom looked at my dad and then the baby and said, “Welcome to the world Bella! We have been waiting to meet you for so long!”. “Me! The baby is Me!” I screamed out loud. I walked up to the mom and flailed my hands in front of my mom and then my dad but nothing. Then just as before, the air stood still and when I looked at the window the same owl was perched there. I don’t know how he got in, all the windows were closed, but there he was. I kept staring at him and this time I could not convince my feet to walk towards him. Instead I asked out loud, “What do you want? Did you do this? What is happening?” I don’t why I thought I could talk to a bird and get an answer. I move cautiously closer to him and as I reached out to touch him, that same blinding light enveloped the room and this time I was standing back in my house.

“So I was dreaming!” I said out loud in excitement. “Wow that had got to be the weirdest dream I had ever had. Mom I am back! Sorry for not answering my phone!”. I walked into the kitchen knowing she would be there finishing up dinner but there was no one there. I walked over to dining table and it was empty. Where was the food? Where is everyone? I went upstairs to my room thinking a nice shower was what I needed. I reached my room and as soon as I opened the door I couldn’t believe what I walked into. It was my still bedroom, but it was the way I remembered it as when I was around two. I stood dumbstruck once more. What the hell was happening to me. That’s when my parents walked into the room, with a puppy with a bow around his neck and put him on my bed “Guppie!” I squealed and dropped to my knees to rub the back of his ears, in the spot I knew he would. He seemed to notice me but I again no one else acknowledged my presence. “Aww she is going to be so happy! She is such a sweet child and has been so good this year. She deserves this” I heard my mom say to my dad. My heart tugged a little hearing that. I truly had an amazing, loving childhood. I saw that memory play out just the way I remembered it. My grandparents taking me out for ice cream, bringing me back home and my parents waiting in my bedroom with my Guppie to surprise me. Just when I was enjoying looking back at that memory, I saw the owl again. This time around I knew what to do and just like before I touched him and I would reappear in a different memory. I kept visiting all my key moments from my first dance recital, my first bicycle, the loss of my grandparents, my first kiss, my senior prom, my first heartbreak, the loss of Guppie. I even reached the day I got my diagnosis; I saw all my treatments and the heartbreaking words and cries my parents shared in the hallways far away from ears. I didn’t know what was happening or why, but I was seeing my life play out like a movie, with scenes I missed and never truly appreciated before. A movie whose ending I already knew would be cut short, quick.

Now the owl had taken me back to the beach where I was sitting catching the sunset, what now felt like an eternity ago. I looked around and everything was as beautiful and serene as before but when I looked around, I saw my dad a couple of feet behind me. I didn’t realize he was there. I saw him sitting there holding a picture of me when I was two holding Guppie and had the biggest and cheesiest smile on my face. He was crying and my heart broke. I wanted to hug him and tell him it would be alright and that he was an amazing dad. But I knew there was no point. He couldn’t hear me. The owl showed up again, this time, he landed straight on my arms and I was in the hospital. I didn’t remember any of this. I went up to the cellphone on the bedside table in the room and the screen was showing tomorrow date. I didn’t understand. All the previous times I went into my past memories. Oh god was this damn bird going to show me how I die! The rest became a blur, I was taken from this hospital to me much older but in college, me at what looked to be my wedding, then me giving birth and finally me at my funeral all old and grey surrounded by people I recognized and some I didn’t. I walked upto to the casket and picked up one of the red lilies that surrounded the casket. That damn bird, made a loud screech and spread its wings and flew straight at me. The next thing I knew my eyes opened and I was back on that path leading up to my house.

I ran up the path to my house, opened the door and ran in to see where I had finally ended up. I walked in an there was my mom setting the table and my dad was already sitting at the table. They both looked up at me and smiled and said in unison “There she is. You made it right on time for dinner”. “You can see me?” I said out loud. “Of course we can honey” my mom said as she walked over and gave me a big warm hug. She whispered in my ear “Don’t worry honey things will change for you I know it”. I looked down at my hand and saw the red Lilly in there and somehow knew it really would. My life wasn’t over and yes I lived and loved but I have so much more to live, love and see.