Memory Lane

"Perhaps we can take her out to the atrium today?" suggested Angela as she walked beside her younger brother, Jon. It seemed as if he hadn't heard her as they turned the corner leading from the vestibule to the main hallway. Angela knew better.

With warm, soft breezes helping to push small, puffy clouds slowly across a bright blue sky allowing just the right amount of direct sunlight created a beautiful day. Angela loved being outside and it seemed to be a shame to waste any amount of a day such as this inside. especially after a week of off and on rain; especially in a place like this. She looked out the large double glass and aluminum doors leading to the atrium of the home and thought it would be nice to share it with her infirmed mother. She hoped as they made their way down the hallway that Jon would agree with no argument.

It was a long hallway decorated with gentle pastel shades and evenly spaced, framed, reprinted works of unknown artists depicting various scenes from nature and family gatherings. All was lit by fluorescent lights with skylights helping to light the way in the ceiling after every fourth row of artificial lights. Sounds of people walking was silenced by a conservatively decorated carpet.

Jon continued to look forward maneuvering around a couple of carts. There were several others making their way down the hall. There was an elderly lady attempting to get some exercise, to loosen up joints worn by a lifetime of use. She supported her ancient frame with a walker and had an aide assisting her as she made her way.

He finally responded, "Let's see how she is doing and then go from there."

"Sure, of course," answered Angela, "I just thought that if she is fine, we could enjoy the outside with her instead of sitting in her room which she must endure every day."

Jon didn't respond but kept looking forward as he worked his way down the hall towards their mother's room. Angie was used to his reaction.

"Even if she isn't doing so well, taking her out and giving her some sunlight and fresh air may do her some wonder," prodded Angela.

As they made their way down the hall, passing the doorways of the patients' rooms odors and sounds common to nursing homes started to assault both their senses. Scents from various bodily functions, moans, calls for help from some of the rooms registered on Jon's face.

"You know, I am leaning towards the outside experience. I just want to make sure she is up to it first."

Angela looked at him and smiled, "I know you do."

Before Jon could call forth a witty response, they reached the doorway, and he stopped to look into the small room as Angela entered. It wasn't as bright as the hallway.

Even though there is a large window which presents a peaceful view of a vast carefully manicured lawn with the edge of a thick woods at the far end, it faced north so the room only received diffused instead of direct sun light. Entering the room, there is a bathroom to the left of the doorway creating a small hallway which opens into the room. There are two identical hospital beds separated by a curtain which could be pulled open or drawn closed depending on the desired privacy of the two roommates. Each bed has a chair sitting next to it on one side with a nightstand with a small reading lamp on the other side. On the opposite wall from the head of the beds were identical pine dressers, each topped by a small television. Next to each dresser was another chair to accommodate guests.

They found that the first bed was bare and all the personal adornments and items which had been there the week before were gone. Angela looked at Jon as if to caution him on what to say about it.

"There's our girl," announced Angela in a festive tone to the entire room, "How are you doing today?"

She quickly moved with outstretched arms to the woman sitting in a chair looking out the window. Jon followed behind, a little late to react.

"I'm doing okay, I guess," responded the woman in a tired voice as Angela descended upon her with a warm hug.

Angela and Jon were always happy to see their mom's expression transform from surprise, trying to realize what was happening and who was approaching to one of elation and love when she realized who was approaching her.

"Hey mom, you're only doing, okay?" asked Jon as he approached and sat on the edge of the bed facing towards his mother.

"Yeah, I guess. Sometimes I feel very alone in this place. I miss our home."

"I know, I wish things could be better," responded Jon.

"You have friends here, mom," added Angela.

"I know, but they aren't always around," said the elderly woman with years of a life of working, struggling, and surviving etched deeply on her face. She sighed while looking out to the lawn with eyes which had seen much, too much,"I just get tired of sitting in this room with nothing to do."

"Did you want to go to the family room?" asked Jon.

"Or we could all get some fresh air," suggested Angela.

Jon looked at his sister. Angela saw that he wasn't surprised or upset.

"It would be nice to go out to that flower garden," their mom answered.

"You mean the atrium, yes that would be very nice. It is nice and warm today," said Angela, "We just have to check with your nurse."

Jon got up from the bed and quickly found the nurse in the hall by her medicine cart. She was checking through her list on the laptop sitting on top of the large, heavy, plastic cart and looking in the various drawers while filing out some forms. Jon approached her carefully.

"Excuse me," said Jon as he neared the medicine cart.

"Yes," responded the nurse not looking from what she was doing.

Jon immediately realized this was a very busy woman who was very used to multitasking.

"I'm Barbara's son. I was wondering if you needed her for anything in the immediate future."

"Let me check," said the nurse going through her laptop files. "No, she is all caught up with everything as far as I'm concerned. Getting some fresh air would probably do her some good. I know it would do me some good as well," smiled the middle-aged woman as she turned back to her work, "Just have her back by 5:00 for dinner."

Jon watched as the nurse continued to work and responded, "We'll have her back in time. Thank you."

He found Angela helping her mom pick out a light sweater when he reentered the room. He watched patiently, caringly as Angela gently helped the frail woman put her arms through the sweater's arms. He waited and watched until they were finished.

"Nurse said that it would fine," announced Jon with a smile, "We just have to make sure she isn't late for dinner."

Angela looked at her watch, "That's over three hours from now. She'll be back in plenty of time."

Angela led the way as Jon pushed the wheelchair taking care to make sure there were no accidents. Angela carried her mother's folded walker. They had both hoped to help their mom exercise her legs a little.

Warm air loaded with fresh scents of the garden enveloped the trio as they entered the atrium.

"Oh my, it is a beautiful day," exclaimed their mother in a suddenly rejuvenated voice.

"I thought...," said Angela catching herself looking over at Jon, "Um, Jon and I thought you would like to visit the garden today."

"Look at all the flowers," said mom in an excited tone, "Oh, do you remember when we had our garden at the home?"

"Of course, that was the beginning of our summers," replied Angela, "Remember how we would think of things to grow and then would trade with our neighbors' gardens?"

"Sure, we would keep seeds from what we grew the years before and try new items," added Jon taking a seat on a bench nearby after making sure it was clean, "Every year, we would plan, gather our seeds, prepare the ground, plant, weed, and harvest."

"We did it all together," added Angela.

"I remember canning and freezing what we grew and trading with neighbors," mused mom, "Remember how much your father helped with it all and loved helping neighbors? He was a good man?"

Angela and Jon made eye contact. Jon immediately saw that Angela didn't want Jon to say anything.

"He was mom, he was," replied Angela softly as she held Jon's attention in her gaze.

Jon understood what Angela wanted and turned his attention towards the puffs of various shades of white and grey making their way across the sky. He decided it was too nice of a moment to get into a debate and just sighed and sat back.

"I was so lucky to have met your father. There weren't many men like him. We never had an angry word for one another. We were just in love."

Angela saw Jon shaking his head slowly as she said, "He was mom. We were all lucky."

She couldn't stand it anymore. She knew that Jon was upset about what had happened. She knew that it was tearing him up as the silence of the ride home was crushing her.

"I know it wasn't right," she said finally in a timid tone.

Jon sat in the passenger seat just watching the world pass. Angela wasn't sure if he had heard her.

"Did you hear me? I said that I know that it wasn't right."

"Is that right?" asked Jon, "Are you sure that you know that?"

"I was there Jon, I was there with you and I saw it all. Dad was a bastard. It had to be all about his narcissistic ass. I remember the arguments the breaking of things. I remember the cases of beer and other bottles mom hid in to escape life," she paused for a moment to fight the tears and control the anger, "I still have scars from the beatings."

"And the emotional scars," added Jon, "But why feed into her fantasy?"

"How long does she have Jon, a day, a week, a month, how long?"

Jon shrugged, "I get it."

"Her life was hell for portions of it and yes, they did have some good times. She paid dearly being married to him and she put up with it for us. He made the money for a decent life..."

"A decent life!? It's not a decent life when you have to walk on eggshells all the time. He was a petty, small individual. I, I don't know that I can even think of someone like that as a man."

"Okay, Okay, he was a total bastard, but don't you think that she deserves to finally be able to enjoy life, even if it is living in this home?"

"You're right. She deserves to enjoy what's left of it even if it is just a fantasy in her mind."

"Good, did you still want to stop at the diner for dinner before I take you home?"

"Yes, that would be nice."