Memories

If walls could talk. Would the accident have ever happened if I had talked? Would they have listened? Being a wall I observed the whole thing.

Now years later she gazed out at the beach, so many memories flooded her walk. Three years ago he had taken her hand and gone down on one knee, on this very beach. He had promised forever. She had pledged her life to him eternally.

Now years later I, the wall, the only other witness, whispered his name to her. She found the old Woodstock album they used to listen to. The house looked exactly as they had left it. On that last night, they drank champagne and played the guitar along with the album. Tonight I described the happenings of that night to her perfectly. I told her the songs they had been listening to when the argument had started. In a low voice, I reminded her that the disagreement had been about nothing. She had not listened to that song since. I was sure she had tried not to think about that night.

Over her phone, I heard her discussing her therapist. Her therapist had suggested that she face the issue, and go back to this house and beach, to stop running. Carol ( the therapist) had offered to come with her for emotional support. Ann had tried not to show her horror at the suggestion. Personally, she was already embarrassed enough, that she would two years after his loss still be grieving. She cringed every time she entered Carol's office. She had to admit that Carol was correct and that it was time to stop avoiding reality. Now lying on the bed they had once shared she lay listening to the waves of the beach, and my voice. I remembered everything Jessie and Ann had done in this house. Anne fell asleep, feeling emotional peace for the first time since his death. She dreamed of them, laughing, swimming in the sea, kissing. She felt him beside her, and she felt safe. She had been running from his memory instead of embracing his love.

The next day I was silent, but I could tell, the good memories had returned to Ann. I felt as if I had done my job. She looked around the house they had had such good plans for this house. She found the old drafts for renovating it Jessie had drawn up. She called the name in the folder. She was shocked when the same contractor actually answered. He sounded surprised when she introduced herself. The whole town had heard of Jessie's accident, when she had moved they had assumed it was for good, but he was polite, not knowing what to say about the incident. She started the conversation" Hello, this is Ann Hes. I called you three years ago, well I am finally ready to start the renovations. That is if you can fit me into your schedule. And of course. I realize it will cost more than you quoted me." They arranged to meet that afternoon, Both of them felt a wave of relief when they hung up their phone.

Anna felt a sense of excitement and nervousness about their meeting. but when it occurred all they did was talk about the job. The contractor noticed the difference in her. She was less vibrant, although she seemed excited about the renovations. He made sure not to say anything about her dead husband. No words of consulment.

Anna stayed at the house for a week preparing for the construction. A lot of stuff went to the local Goodwill. She found an old digital camera and had the photos developed, after filling the memory card with current photos of the beach and small town. Only an hour to get them developed. Sitting in a coffee shop she looked at the developed photos. She smiled, remembering the joy of their relationship. Embracing his life, all that he had given her. At the end of the week, she went home, leaving the contractor to create Jessie's dream.

Carol noticed a change in her immediately when Anne arrived for her session. Anne seemed excited about the renovation, although Carol thought it was clinging to the past. She thought Ann should be spending her money on her current dreams. Ann tried to explain how Jessie was a part of her, just because he died did not mean that that part died. He was a part of her memories and the development of who she was now. He lived on through her.

Ann did not feel comfortable in her apartment. She was ready to stop running from the tragedy of that night. Her apartment reminded her of nothing but the pain she had been experiencing since she lived here. Carol was right about her current dreams in a way. Ann knew it was time to move on, and explore her dreams. Weeks later she got a call from the contractor that the house was completed. She smiled packed a Uhaul and left her old life behind. She called Carol and said goodbye. She would no longer be dependent on a therapist, she felt joy in letting go of Carol and the process of constantly examining her feelings. She was now going to jump into life instead of sitting on the sideline analyzing it. She had dreams which she had abandoned the day that Jessie had died. It was as if she had died with him.

She gasped when she saw the house. They had added huge closets and a porch between the bedroom and the kitchen. She could walk across the porch from her bedroom to the kitchen to get her morning coffee. From the porch, she looked out onto the beach.

It was as if she felt Jessie could look down and see it and smile. She gathered all the photos that she had abandoned in the house. She sat on the porch going through her boxes, and for the first time in ages, she and I honestly smiled, an unforced smile.