Me, My Life & Why Part 17

Part 17: Can You Thrive and Still Be a Mess?

Here’s the thing they don’t tell you about thriving:

You don’t feel like you’re thriving.

You feel like you accidentally remembered bin day and now everyone expects you to become a functioning adult by Thursday.

Some days, I get up before noon.

Some days, I shower and reply to emails in the same 24-hour period.

Some days, I even cook something that isn’t beige.

But other days?

Other days I stare at my calendar and feel personally attacked by every coloured block of obligation.

I eat crackers over the sink.

I watch video essays about historical figures who probably also struggled with executive dysfunction.

I cancel things last-minute.

I forget to cancel other things and pay for them anyway.

I keep getting messages that say things like,

“You’re glowing lately!”

Or

“You’ve inspired me to take my power back.”

Which is lovely.

But also… wildly inaccurate.

Because I still do the thing where I open a message, read it, plan a beautiful response in my head, and then reply seven business days later with “omg sorry just saw this!!”

I still have three forms I haven’t filled out.

I still have a cupboard that’s just miscellaneous.

I still lie when someone asks how I’m managing and say “good, actually,” even though the only system in my life is gravity.

But I am thriving.

Just not in the Instagram way.

I’m thriving in that I’ve stopped pretending.

Stopped over-apologising.

Stopped forcing myself to do life at someone else’s pace.

And somehow…

I’m happier.

Even in the mess.

Alex helps.

He’s not a fix-it person.

He’s a sit-with-it person.

Which, it turns out, is far rarer than I realised.

Like last week, I lost a receipt I needed for something extremely boring and mildly important.

I spiralled.

He didn’t.

He just handed me a biscuit and said, “If it’s really lost, we’ll deal with it. If it’s not, it’ll show up somewhere weird like the freezer.”

It did.

Right behind the peas.

We celebrated with more biscuits.

And that’s kind of how everything feels now.

Less panic. More biscuits.

I still have rough days.

But they don’t derail me.

Because I’ve built a life that doesn’t fall apart when I do.

I keep wondering if that makes me a fraud.

Because I’m not “better” in the way people want me to be.

I’m just not actively drowning anymore, and even then, sometimes I still forget where the shore is.

But maybe thriving isn’t about becoming someone shiny and new.

Maybe it’s just… not hating yourself for being a person.

Maybe it’s paying one bill on time and giving yourself a gold star.

Maybe it’s sitting in your mess with someone who doesn’t ask you to clean it up.

Maybe it’s admitting you’re overwhelmed and being met with “Yeah, that makes sense,” instead of advice.

So yes.

You can thrive and still be a mess.

You can forget everything except who you are and still be okay.