Mastermind Sketch

EXT - Mastermind Studio - Evening

Music: Mastermind Theme

Magnus, a man in a black suit Sits in a dark room with the audience behind him, and the camera in front. Opposite his desk is a black suede chair for the contestants.

Magnus

(Facing the camera)Hello, and welcome to a topsy turvy edition of Mastermind. This will be an unusual, but nevertheless entertaining version. So let’s welcome our first contender.

May, a brunette in a red dress steps forward to sit in the chair opposite Magnus. She gulps as she takes a sit, then brings her feet together.

Magnus

(Turns to look at May) Good evening, you’re name please.

May

(Crosses her legs) Good evening.

Magnus

(Takes his quiz cards from his desk.) And you’re occupation?

May

(Keeps a straight face) May Maple

Magnus

In the last episiode your specialist subject was the number 69. Today you will be answering the question before the last one is that correct?

May

Coordinator from Hoenn.

Magnus

I’m sure you’re an expert on this. You have two minutes on the clock and we will start…now! What is heamotology?

May

(Nods) Yes, that’s right.

Magnus

(Ignores the cackling audience) Correct. What does anata wa kawaii desu mean in Japanese?

May

(Talks slowly) It is a study of blood.

Magnus

Correct. How does James Bond like his Vodka Martini?

May

You’re cute.

Magnus

Correct. Which British girl group released the album, Angels With Dirty Faces in 2002, that featured the songs; Round, Round & Freak Like Me?

May

He likes it shaken, not stirred.

Magnus

Correct. Who replaced Boris Johnson as Prime Minister after he resigned in 2022?

May

It was the Sugababes.

Magnus

It was indeed. That is correct. In the video game series, Animal Crossing which vegetable spoils if unused after 7 days?

May

Liz Truss!

Magnus

Correct. Who was the lead singer of Nirvana until his death in 1994?

May

I think it’s turnips.

Magnus

You are correct. It is turnips. Who’s the current head of the Catholic Church and has been so since the abdication of Pope Benedict XVI?

May

It’s none other than the late great Kurt Cobain.

Magnus

Correct. What British sitcom character played by Rowan Atkinson lived alone in Flat 2, 12 Arbour Road?

May

Pope Francis.

Magnus

That’s right. Who was voted the sexiest man alive by People’s Magazine in 2022?

May

(Mumbles) Bean.

Magnus

Yes, but I need his first name as well, please.

May

(Stutters) Um…Mister.

Magnus

That’s correct. In the South Park Movie featuring Sudan Hussien in a romantis relationship with Satan, who sings the song, Kyle’s Mom?

May

It could be…Chris Hemsworth.

Magnus

Correct. Which Shakespeare play, also known as the Scottish Play features the iconic line: is this a dagger which I see before me?

May

That would be Eric Cartman.

Magnus

Yes, that is correct. Which musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber is based on the 1910 novel written by Gaston Leroux, that also features the characters Christine, Raoul & Madame Giry?

May

That will be Macbeth!

Magnus

Correct. Complete this line from Pride & Prejudice…

Buzzer beeps. Time is up.

Magnus

I started, so I’ll finish. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be…

May

The Phantom of The Opera!

Magnus

Correct. Well done, you’ve scored 14 points and no passes.

Audience claps

This was my first attempt at a script. It’s based on a sketch by The Two Ronnies made many years ago. I do like Mastermind, and will watch it when it’s on. There are also some other comedy sketches inspaired by Mastermind, but I love this one the most.